Keep Smiling - Forever ! [Archive]

Sabeeta

November 17, 2005, 12:55 AM

Chintoo : Mein Ne Shart Lagaii Thi Ke India Pakistan Se Jeet Jaey Ga Aur Mein Rs:1000 Har Gaya .

Mintoo : Yaar , Tum Ne 1000 Rupee Aik Match Per Laga Diye .

Chintoo : Nahi Yar , Mein Ne 500 Rupee Aik Match Per Lagaye The .

Mintoo : To Dosre 500 Rupee Kaha Gaey

Chintoo : Choro Yar .. Mein Ne Highlights Per Bhi 500 Rupee Lagae The .

Chintoo Kudh Kushi Karne Ka Soch Kar Railway Station Chala Gaya Aur Waha Per Kuch Chicken Aur

Juice Wagera Le Kar Beth Gaya .. Itne Mein Kisi Sahib Ne Poocha … Kyoon Bhai “ Ye Sab Kya Hai “ ..

Chintoo : Arey Yaar Saali Train Bohat Late Aati Hai .. Mein Ne Socha Kahi Bhook Se Na Mar Jaoo

Chintoo Bhai Aik Baar Car Factory Gaey Jab Wo Central Minister The ….Car Factory Ke Manager Ne Kaha
Manager: Chintoo Bhai Ap Ko Mein Aik Car Free Doon Ga

Chintoo : Nahi Mein Ap Se Free Mein Car Nahi Le Sakta

Manager : Chaliye Janab … 500 Rupe Mein Car Le Lejiye

Chintoo : (Khusi Se ) Chalo … Phir To Mujhe Do Cars De Do ..

Chintoo : A 4 Apple

Mintoo : B 4 Bada Apple

Chintoo : C 4 Chota Apple

Mintoo : D 4 Dusra Apple

Chintoo : E 4 Ekaur Apple

Mintoo : F 4 Fokat Ka Apple
Chintoo : G 4 Gol Apple

Mintoo : H 4 Ho Gaya Na Pet Kharab Khake Itne Sare Apple

Chintoo : (Doctor Se ), Mein Jab Baat Karta Huun To Muje Sirf Awaaz Sunai Deti Hai, Aadmi Nahi Dikhta.
Docter : Aaisa Kab Hota Hai?
Chintoo: Phone Karte Waqt.

Chintoo Ne Cycle Chalate Chalate Lady Ko Mar Di
Lady,' Break Nahi Mar Sakta Tha Kya?
Chintoo : 'Break Ka Kya Hai, Poori Cycle To Mar Di.....'

Chiman: Aap Kitna Parhe Ho?
Friend: B.A.
Chiman: Kamal Karte Ho Yaar Sirf Do Word Padhe Aur Woh Bhi Ulte.

Chintoo Aur Mintoo Picnic Per Ja Rahe The , Itne Mein Chintoo Gana Gane Lag Gaya
Chintoo : Kis Ka Hai Ye Tum Ko Inteezar Mein Hoon Na
Kuch Deer Ke Baad Chintoo Bus Mein Ulta Latak Gaya Aur Gane Laga
Chintoo : Kaho Na Kaho , Oo Sanam Oo Sanam
Mintoo ( Pareshan Ho Kar ) : Kya Howa Chintoo Yar Ye Ulte Latak Kar Gana Kyoon Ga Rahe Ho
Chintoo : Yar Side B Gaa Raha Hoon

Chintoo Aur Mintoo Aik Bar India Gaey Aur Kisi Ne On Ko Kuch Ziyda Pila Di
Chintoo : Yar Tujhe Maloom Hai … Bharat Aur Hindustan Ki Jang Hone Wale Hai
Mintoo : Yar Tum Fikar Kyoon Karte Ho , Hum To India Mein Hein Na

Chintoo : Yar Mintoo ! Ye Bata Ye Rocket Plane Se Taiz Kaise Urhta Hai
Mintoo : Abhey Tere Peche Kisi Ne Aag Laga Din A To Pata Chale Ga

Chintoo : Yar !! Mintoo Ye Sab Logh Bagh Kyoon Rahe Hein
Mintoo : Yar Ye Race Laga Rahe Hein Cup Jeetne Ke Liye
Chintoo : To Cap Kis Ko Mile Ga
Mintoo : Jo Race Jete Ga
Chintoo : To Baqi Sab Kyoon Bagh Rahe Hein !

Chintoo : ( Bus Stop Per !! Larki Ko Dekh Kar Bola ….) … Arey Chand To Raat Ko Nikalta Hai Aj Din Mein
Kaise Nikal Gaya
Larki : Arey Ullo To Raat Ko Bolta Hai , Aaj Din Mein Kaise Bol Raha Hai !

toprohan

January 17, 2006, 05:14 PM

What do we call a santa singh with 1 har ????
Ans : Ek Bal Singh

amruta_570

January 23, 2006, 05:31 PM

ramesh n rohan u both r so cool. thx for d jokes. they r rely good

toprohan

January 24, 2006, 09:06 PM

mention not!!!!!!!!

doly_455

February 22, 2006, 05:05 PM

1) Laloo enters a shop and shouts, "Where's my free gift with this
oil?"
Shopkeeper: "Iske Saath koi Gift nahin hai, Lalooji"
Laloo : Ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE "

2) Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God, When shall I see The
defeat of Bush? "
God replies:" Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away. Gen Parvez
Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God, when shall I see the Capture
of Kashmir by Pakistan. "
God replies:" Son, you will not see it in lifetime".
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him:" God when shall I see Bihar
Becoming a prosperous and happy state ?
" Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks:"
God, why are you crying?
" God replies:" Son, I will not see it in my lifetime."

3) Once Laloo was coming out of the Airport. As there was a Huge
rush, the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE", for which Laloo
replied "85 Kgs" and moved on...

4) Laloo's family planning policy : DON'T HAVE MORE THAN TWO
CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR

5) At a bar in New York , the man to Laloo's left tells the
bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion
says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and
asks, "AND U sir?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

6) After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides To go
modelling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and Resting his
elbows. On the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day
the photo Appears on the front page of a newspaper. Guess the
caption !! 'Laloo, third from left!'

7) A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for divorce?"
Laloo replies "Marriage".

8) After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for Quite
sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to A
friend. "It Took me only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags. "Five
months? That's too long." the friend exclaims. "You are a fool,"
Laloo replies. "Read the box, it says "5-7 years".

mitts

February 27, 2006, 08:49 AM

Hey those r cool jokes yaar keep posting them

ketanhere4u

March 3, 2006, 11:47 PM

"SHANTA, ur son is dead!"
hearing this, the sad Sardar jumps from 50th floor.
At 35th he realise: i don't have son!
20th floor: i m not married!
And at 3rd floor: SHIT, i m BANTA !!!!!!!!!!!!

ketanhere4u

March 4, 2006, 12:01 AM

Once a sardar throw butter out side the window.....
WHY ?????????????

B'coz he want to see a butterfly.....

bolo tararara.........

ketanhere4u

March 6, 2006, 11:08 PM

A Sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji. Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike. Iqbal's guards take the bags and rips them apart; empty them out and find nothing in them but sand. He detains the Sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the Sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, heaves them on to the Sardarji 's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?

'Sand,' says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji, doesn't show up and one day and the guard meets him in a 'dhaba' in Islamabad. 'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?' The Sardarji, sips his Lassi and says, 'bikes'. . . . . . . . . . . .

Dekha SARDAR bhi smart hote hai

doly_455

March 7, 2006, 01:57 PM

> > 1. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

> > 2. Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

> > > 3. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

> > > 4. Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column
"Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

> > > 5. Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

> > > 6. Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

> > > 7. Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

> > > 8. Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

> > > 9. Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

> > > 10. Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:15 AM

Learn ABCD (modern one)......

A for apple.

B for bada apple.

C for chhota apple.

D for dusra
apple.

E for ek aur apple.

F for fokat ka apple.

G for gol apple.

H
for hazar apple

I for itney saarey apple?

J for jaao nahi khaana hai
apple

K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple

L for lena padhega tumko
apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey
yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth
bhar khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple

R for
roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple

T
for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple

U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh
apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaalo
jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple

Y for youn na
chehra phero dekhkey apple

Z for zaraasa aur khaalo aaple...

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:19 AM

A class was asked to write an essay on laziness.
At the end of three pages, a child wrote, "This is laziness". :D :D

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:21 AM

Ek Gadha ped par chadha to oopar baithe haathi ne poochha:

Haathi: Tu kyun chadha ?

Gadha: Apple khaane

Haathi: Lekin yeh to Mango tree hai !!

Gadha: Maloom hai, main apple saath laaya hoon!!!

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:22 AM

1)smoking
2)drinking
3)charas
4)ganja
5)chikan
6)mutton
7)masala
8)oily food
9)sleep and obesity
10)pollution

"HEART ATTACK"

dus bahane karke le gaya dil.....le gaya dil...dus bahane karke le gaya dil

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:24 AM

Q - Who is Joe?

A - "Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!":)

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:25 AM

And of course, the grand finale............The
Madrasi said, I want to
see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did
he really want to see?

Dil Chhata Hai.......

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:27 AM

Q -Kalidas ka ek bhai jootey banata tha us ka naam kya tha ?

Ans: Adidas. :D :D :D

pal_19

March 9, 2006, 04:28 AM

I have many more i will post them here hope you them....:)

doly_455

March 9, 2006, 02:12 PM

I have many more i will post them here hope you them....:)

good 1's pal

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 03:27 AM

Thanks Doly..:)

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 03:37 AM

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de! $perately. I think you $hould be
under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given

$o much$upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

[Marian$hih

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 03:43 AM

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

DearMarian,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt
doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw w! hat I mean.

Yours truly,

Manager.
:p :D :p :D

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 03:45 AM

A Indian guy named
Anantharaman Subbaraman
arrived at the Kuwait airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs
for the authorities to call his name,
he got fedup and went to them and asked
why they havent called his name yet.

They said that they have been calling his as
'Anotherman Superman'

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 04:08 AM

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school

pal_19

March 10, 2006, 04:11 AM

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

doly_455

March 20, 2006, 03:51 PM

Ways girls turn romantic guys down !!!

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE: Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!

HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
SHE: It's hot!!!

HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
SHE: Okay,but would you stay there?

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why,are you leaving?

doly_455

March 20, 2006, 03:52 PM

continued

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
SHE: Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.
SHE: Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!

HE: When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..
SHE: And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!

HE: You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.
SHE: Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!

HE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?
SHE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, i'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!

HE: Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?
She: Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
SHE: It's in the phone book.
HE: But I don't know your name.
SHE: That's in the phone book too.

HE: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not Enter

HE: I know how to please a woman.
SHE: Then please leave me alone.

HE: I want to give myself to you.
SHE: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

HE: I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven.
SHE: No, but it looks like you landed on your face!

imbusy

March 21, 2006, 12:26 AM

This letter is written by a shopkeeper who sells biscuits.

Dear MARIE,

Yesterday was the most unforgetable GOOD DAY for me,because our meeting was TRULY NICE.But the success of our love is almost 50 - 50,because your father is a TIGER.But still will you give me your LITTLE HEART?If you don't give I'm sure to become a KRACK-JACK.
Ting Ting Titing.

toprohan

March 22, 2006, 05:55 PM

imbusy

March 22, 2006, 07:53 PM

"HER DIARY"
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home, I told him that I loved him, but he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I fell asleep. I do not know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
" HIS DIARY"
Today India lost the cricket match again. DAMM IT..............

toprohan

March 24, 2006, 02:44 PM

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.

He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.

The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.

The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,

"I'M DROWNING, YOU STUPID"

toprohan

March 26, 2006, 06:18 PM

Some fine day Sardarji need fly to London in Boing 737. This is his first air travel and that to in Boing 737. So he is very happy to be in Boing 737.

In that mood he is crying like a child that "Boing Boing Boing Boing ........". By this behaviour from him all other passengers getting irritated. Then somebody went to Airhostess and inform about his childish manner.

That Air Hostess came to him and gave a warning that not to make any noise. With this also Sardarji didn't listen. And Air hostess went to Cockpit and informed Pilot. That Pilot had big personality.. He came to Sardarji. Sardarji is busy with "Boing Boing Boing Boing .......". And Pilot said 'Be Silent. Then Sardarji became calm for a while. Then Pilot goes. After Pilot enters into Cockpit Sardarji again started noise like "Oing Oing Oing Oing Oing......

Nice One :D

toprohan

April 5, 2006, 03:57 PM

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

toprohan

April 5, 2006, 03:57 PM

Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

toprohan

April 5, 2006, 04:00 PM

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two
days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!

toprohan

April 5, 2006, 04:02 PM

2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.

Sabeeta

April 14, 2006, 08:20 PM

thanks top rohannn

doly_455

April 28, 2006, 03:29 PM

Sardar-why are all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you know Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It"s already raining.

Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What came first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs. 11 crore after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!

Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet

Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....

Sardar proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'...........

Sardar said 'Oye no problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefulyin his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

poornima_radha

April 28, 2006, 03:55 PM

doly_455

April 28, 2006, 04:26 PM

TOO FUNNY..MUST READ IT

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

:D :D :p :D

Sabeeta

April 29, 2006, 12:30 AM

lol its really funny
thanks 4 making me laughh
lolzz

toprohan

May 1, 2006, 07:48 PM

Yeah Really Funny.....:D

toprohan

May 1, 2006, 07:51 PM

Here"s A cool 1 :

Banta Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph."
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Santa Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.
So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Santa replied,"I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.

toprohan

May 1, 2006, 08:02 PM

Hawai Dhamaka
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen? This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways.
I apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.
Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is inour favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, weserve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where theirmovie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position or take off and fasten your belt.
For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways.

HAVE A NICE JOURNEY!!!

doly_455

May 2, 2006, 05:40 PM

banta singh to bill gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer
for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your
notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column,
only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked
with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem
in
keyboard.

Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password
is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '

button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request

you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '

has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so

that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find

only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost

the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',

but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from

CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft

sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta singh

toprohan

May 6, 2006, 03:37 PM

Hey Too Funny Jokes And the Letter too, Keep Posting

doly_455

May 9, 2006, 03:31 PM

Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders
three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room,
drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes
back to the bar and

orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better

if you bought one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai,
the other in Canada,

and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink
this way to

remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice customer, and leaves it there.

Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway.
He orders three

Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round,

the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted
to offer my condolences

on your great loss."

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and
he laughs. "Oh,

no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".

"Only thing is ---- I' ve just quit drinking"!!!!!!

toprohan

May 9, 2006, 03:49 PM

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai.

Lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai. So he goes to

the canteen.

Canteen mein Gattu ek pav leta hai.

Jaise hi woh pav khane ke liye uthata hai, to dekhta

hai ki uski plate mein "jannat" likha hai.

To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki Gattu jiska

lecture attend karke aa raha hai, us proffessor ka

naam kya hai???

Guess

Scroll down for the answer

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The answer is

Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke "sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"

"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi.... ;)

doly_455

May 9, 2006, 03:53 PM

:p :D :p
nice 1 rohan....

1 frm me....kind of funny advice...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points?

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game
is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

1. You make the bed (+1).

2. You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0).

3. You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1).

4. You go out to buy her what she wants (+5).

5. In the rain (+8).

6. But return with Beer(-5).

7. You check out a suspicious noise at night (0).

8. You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0).

9. You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5).

10. You pummel it with iron rod (+10).

11. It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

1. You stay by her side the entire party (0).

2. You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2),

Named Tina (-4),

Tina is a Bar dancer (-6),

HER BIRTHDAY

1. You take her out to dinner (0).

2. You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1).

3. Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team (-10).

A NIGHT OUT

1. You take her to a movie (+2).

2. You take her to a movie she likes (+4).

3. You take her to a movie you hate (+6).

4. You take her to a movie you like (-2).

5. It's called 'Death Cop' (-3).

6. You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOU'RE PHYSIQUE

1. You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15).

2. You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
(+10).

3. You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30).

4. You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."(-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

1. She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)

[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

2. You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

1. When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned _expression (0).

2. You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50).

3. You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
(+500).

4. She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000).

5. Now what chance do you have???

doly_455

May 13, 2006, 12:35 PM

for the men who can digest it!!!!!!!!!!:D

Subject: Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)...
To:

>
> Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
> A: Puppies grow up.
>
> Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their
> faces?
> A: Because they are...
>
> Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
> A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over
> them forever.
>
> Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane,
> which one would
> hit the ground first?
> A: Who cares?????.....
>
> Q: What did God say after he created man?
> A: I can do better than this! And then he created
> woman!!!.
>
> Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man
> & a UFO ?
> A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
>
> Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own
> business?
> A: i) no mind ii) no business
>
> Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
> A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for
> directions .
>
> Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
> A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
>
> Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention
> of marrying?
> A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they
> have no
> intention of driving.
>
> Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's
> gift?
> A: Exchange him!!
>
> Q: Why do men like smart women?
> A: Opposites attract.
>

fortune4frnds

May 14, 2006, 08:56 PM

Why did Gabar singh's mother beat him when he was born.....?
because as soon as he was born he asked his mother
"KITNE ADMI TEY?!

hritik: aaj mere paas 14 cars hai,8 bikes hai,4 bunglow hai,farmhouse hai,tumhare paas kya hai..?
abhishek: mere baap ke sar pe bal hai:)

bmine

May 19, 2006, 09:15 PM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their

tent and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful

friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Watson ponders for a minute and then replies:

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of

galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells
me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all
Powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. And what does it tell you
sir?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Someone has stolen our tent".

bmine

May 20, 2006, 06:13 PM

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

•
puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
•
gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
•
sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
•
tries to drown a fish in water.
•
thinks socialism means partying.
•
trips over a cordless phone.
•
takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
•
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
•
studies for a blood test and fails.
•
sells the car for gas money.
•
misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
•
drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
•
gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
* * * *

Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

* * * * *

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

* * * * * *

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

* * * * * *

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * *

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

* * * * * *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

* * * * * *
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.

* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

* * * * * *

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

* * * * * *

How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

* * * * * *

"Oh, look at the dead bird.
"
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

* * * * * *

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

* * * * * *

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

TO LOOSE WEIGHT...

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had
lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm
2400 kms from home."

doly_455

June 6, 2006, 02:58 PM

grt 1's.......:D

*~shritama~*

June 17, 2006, 12:58 PM

Ekbar ek bhakt aur bhagwan ke beech LIVE CHAT ho raha tha.....
:eek:

bhakt : Hey Ishwar Mujhpar daya karo...meri pukar sunlo..

bhawan:kyun be,gala far far ke kyun chilla raha hai...?mai kya behra hu...?

bhakt:pravu meri dil ki murad puri kar de..

bhagwan:bol....kya chahiye?

bhakt:mujhe SRIDEVI de de....

bhagwan: aaaarrrrreee murkh....apni jaan marna chahta hai kya..>?

bhakt: kyun..?

bhagwan:kyunki...SRIDEVI to 25000/- ke ek sari pehenti hai aur tere paas to 2500/- rupaee bhi nahi hai ....

bhakt:to pravu mai kya karu..?

bhagwan:KUCH MAT KAR BAS APNA CHOICE BADAL LE......SRIDEVI KE JAGAH TU MALLIKA SHERAWAT KO LELE................:D

phatgurl

June 21, 2006, 09:51 PM

wow these r really funny jokes:D :D :D .....lucks like someone has beef for sardars

Navin

July 5, 2006, 04:27 PM

Hi friends,
Am writing after a long time. Are some of the oldtimers of this forum still there, or all left? Here are a couple of Mulla Nasruddin jokes:

A neighbor who Nasruddin didn't like very much came over to his compound one day. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like told him, "I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here."
The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.
Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.
The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, "Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.
Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, "My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?
One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a stranger knocked the door. - What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out.
- Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it.
Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder.
- Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing?
- Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger.
Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said,
- Follow me up to the roof.
When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said,
- The answer is no!

phatgurl

July 25, 2006, 11:44 PM

Just have a look at this site its awesome:

http://home.comcast.net/%7Ewolfand/

omg thats the coolest site in the world! its so fun to be...ders evrything to talk about...ppl go der its very fun:D

PUNJAB_PUTAR

August 2, 2006, 11:04 AM

Who Do Laugh At Sardar?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is Baah-Man?

Baah-man is new indian hero with the power equivalent to the tweleve (barah) humans.

Born?

The intercourse of a woman with twelve (barah) human (beard man like Sadhus) on twelve days at twelve noon give birth to the Baah-man after twelve months (unexpectional case or special case).

How the name is derived?

Tweleve (Barah) Human = barah + man = Baah-Man ( 'R' silent)

Characteristics:

Always found saying my father go mad at 12 noon and insult my mom....
Always make joke on his father....

mann manek

August 6, 2006, 05:18 PM

Lafz aap dou geet hum banainge.
Manzil aap chuno raasta hum batainge.
Khush aap raho khushiyan hum dilaayenge.
Aap bus dost ban kar rahna dosti hum nibhaingey.
*diar frnds happy frndship day*

rajinishivaram

August 20, 2006, 12:35 PM

Hey Guyzzzzzzzzzzzz,

This is the 1st time I am posting a joke.Hope u like it!!!!!!!

Gandhiji aur Mallika sherawat dono ne apne kapde tyaag kiye!!!!!!!
Ek Desh ke liye aur Doosre Deshwasiyon ke liye!!!!!

How is it?

Rajini

http://forums.remixgang.net/album_pic.php?pic_id=147

Hayya

August 20, 2006, 04:11 PM

dont add Gandhiji with malika sherawt yaar nice joke rajni but plz dont make fun with Gandhiji.
from
HAYYA"HINDUSTANI"

toprohan

August 20, 2006, 08:33 PM

Thanx for posting jokes..;)

ashka...

August 20, 2006, 10:18 PM

dont add Gandhiji with malika sherawt yaar nice joke rajni but plz dont make fun with Gandhiji.
from
HAYYA"HINDUSTANI"
y r u like de gr8test fan of ghandhiji??

rajinishivaram

August 21, 2006, 06:02 PM

Hey Guyzz,

Did u really feel bad that I paired up Gandhji with Mallika Sherawat?If yes then I am sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rajini

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 4, 2006, 06:37 PM

Baah-MAN
1.
Tall Talkers
Q: `What do you call a Baah-MAN who talks a lot, often without sense?'
A: `Mr. Chatterjee'
2.
Baah-MAN Cave-Men
Q: `Name a Baah-MAN cave-man ?'
A: `Suraj Guha'
3.
Baah-MAN Gangsters
Q: `Name a Baah-MAN gangster ?'
A: `Robin Ganguli'
4.
Outlawed Pandtijee
Q: `What do you call an outlawed Baah-MAN ?'
A: `Banduk Bannerjee'
5.
Marathis and Burping Baah-MANs
Q: `What does a Ghati call a burping Baah-MAN ?'
A: `Mukhopadhaya'
6.
Baah-MANs and Semen
Q: `What is common between Pandus and sperms'
A: `Only one in a million works'
7.
Panditji's Coin Stack
Q: `What did the Pandu stack up one-cent coins the day before exams ?'
A: `He wanted to get cent-per-cent'
8.
Ghati Panditji
Q: `What do you call a Maharashtra Baah-MAN?'
A: `Ghatpande Guruji'
9.
Baah-MAN Millionaire
Q: `What do you call a Baah-MAN millionaire?'
A: `MillionIyer'
10.
Panditji in Rome
Q: `Why did Panditji go to Rome?'
A: `To hear Pope Music'
11.
Pandus and Light-Bulbs
Q: `How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a light-bulb ?'
A: `An Infinite number. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers' union
(Secularist-Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (Hindutvadin), 1 to be the light bulb minister,
1 to head the Light Bulb corporation, 30 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 100 to
go to USA and Europe to import product surveys on purchasing light-bulbs, three to form the
judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandals... and so on ...
12.
Changing Tube Lights
Q: `How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a tube light?'
A: `Has not yet been determined. They are still searching for a Vedic reference to tube
light.'
13.
Invention of the Wire
Q: `How was the wire invented?'
A: `Two Baah-MANs found the same coin'
14.
Pandu Nostrils
Q: `Why are a Baah-MAN's nostrils big?'
A: `Because the air is free'
15.
Baah-MAN Maidens
Q: `How long does a Baah-MANi remain a virgin?'
A: `As long as she runs faster than her father and brother!'
16.
Baah-MAN Bath-Tubs
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs have barbed wire around their bath-tubs?'
A: `So that they don't drift to sea'
17.
Window-Exits
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs start climbing through the window when December arrives?'
A: `Because New Year is on the door-step!'
18.
`Refridgerator Nahi!'
Q: `Why do many Baah-MANs refuse to buy fridges ?'
A: `Because they refuse to believe that the light goes off when they shut the door'
19.
`Long Hands'
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs have such long hands?'
A: `So that they can, while kissing the cow, also touch the udders!'
20.
Ebb
Q: `What does a Baah-MAN do during low tide?'
A: `He sells beach land to the Gujjus!'
21.
Calcutta Pandits
Q: `What is the place called where two Baah-MANs sat down together in Calcutta ?'
A: `Dum-dum'
22.
Foundation of Kannauj
Q: `How was Kannauj founded?'
A: `When Ashoka stopped by to have his horses grazed, he left behind those who were
infected with foot and venereal diseases.'
23.
Garden Door
Q: `Why did the Pandu leave the door open?'
A: So that his flowers get fresh air.
24.
Burglar
Q: `How does one know if a Baah-MAN burgled the house?'
A: `The garbage cans are all eaten empty, and the dog is pregnant!'
25.
Bucket of Hot Water
Q: `What do Baah-MANs do when they have a bucket of hot water left over?'
A: `They freeze it, because hot water can always be used later.'
26.
Confused Pandu
Q: `How to confuse a Pandu?'
A: `Put him in a round room and tell him to search for the corner.'
27.
Really Confused Pandu
Q: `How to eally confuse a Pandu (Baah-MAN)?'
A: `Take a piece of paper and write on both sides, `Turn Over'.'
28.
Returned from Airport
Q: `Why did the Baah-MAN return home from the airport before going in?'
A: `Because he saw a sign saying "Airport Left", so he turned around and went home!'
29.
Ten Pandus Ear to Ear
Q: `What do you call 10 Pandus standing ear to ear?'
A: `A wind tunnel'
30.
Flat Back of Skull
Q: `Why are the backsides of Pandu skulls so flat?'
A: `Because the toilet-cover keeps on falling on the back of their heads when they drink
water.'
31.
Long Ladders
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs take long ladders when shopping?'
A: `Because the prices are so high.'
32.
Reaching Kannauj
Q: `How does one know one has reached Kannauj ?'
A: `The cows become more beautiful than the girls.'
33.
Nose-Cleaning: Tamil Proverb
Q: `How does a Pandu clean his nose?'
A: `By putting his hand around his the back of his head and then grabbing it from the other
side.'
34.
Cobras and Pandus: Dalit Proverb
Q: `When you meet a Cobra and a Baah-MAN, who do you hit first?'
A; `The Pandu, because Pandus are more poisonous than Cobras!'
35.
Police stripes
Q: `What is the meaning of the police stripes of a Baah-MAN police officer?'
A; `One stripe: He can read. Two stripes, he can read and write. Three stripes: He knows
somebody who can read and write.'
36.
Using the Fields
Q: `Why do Pandus prefer to use the fields instead of actual toilets?'
A: `So that nobody can peep at them through the key-hole!'
37.
Sinking Pandu Submarine
Q: `How to sink a submarine manned by Baah-MANs?'
A: `Dive down, and knock on the door. Somebody will open up.'
38.
Baah-MANs on TV Towers
Q: `Why are Baah-MANs not allowed on the Madras TV tower?'
A; `Because they always tried to feed the helicopters.'
39.
Baah-MAN Measuring Tape
Q: `Why do Pandus take a measuring-tape into the bed?'
A: `So that they can measure how deep was their sleep.'
40.
Stones and Matchboxes
Q: `Why do Pandus take a stone and a matchbox to bed.'
A: `With the stone, they smash the lightbulb to turn off the light and they then use the
match-stick to check if the light has really gone off.'
41.
Origin of Tides
Q: `What is the origin of low tide and high tide?'
A: `When a group of Pandus came, the water was so scared it pulled itself back. Now it
comes twice per day, to see if they are still there.'
42.
Happy Birthday Cakes
Q: `Why was the Baah-MAN baker reprimanded by his boss for wanting to write `Happy
Birthday' on a birtday cake?'
A: `Because he tried to get the cake into a typing machine.'
43.
Snakes
Q: `What do Baah-MANs do when they see a snake?'
A: `They stand behind it.'
44.
Killing Flies
Q: `How do Baah-MANs kill flies?'
A: `They carry the flies to the roof and then pull the ladder away.'
45.
Lightning Windows
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs stand at the window when there is thunder and lightning?'
A: `They think they are being photographed.'
46.
Narmada Valley
Q: "How did the Narmada Valley form ?"
A: "Someone dropped a coin and a Brahman went digging for it."
47.
Best Ten Years
Q: `What are the best ten years of an Baah-MAN's life?'
A: `Third grade.'
48.
Sparkling Eyes
Q: `How do you get a Pandu's eyes to sparkle?'
A: Shine a flashlight in his ears.
49.
Laughing Pandu
Q: `How do make a Pandu laugh on Saturday?'
A: `Tell him a joke on Wednesday.'
50.
Baah-MAN Intelligence
Q: `How do you measure a Baah-MAN's intelligence?'
A: `Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.'
51.
Zealand Baah-MANs
Q: `What do you call a New Zealand Baah-MAN?
A: A ZE-BRA!
52.
Revolving Door
Q: Why did the Baah-MAN go around in a revolving door for six hours?
A; Because he couldn't remember whether he was going in or coming out!
53.
Sparkling Eyes
Q: `Why are Baah-MANs like Coke bottles?'
A: `They are both empty from the neck up.'
54.
Kannauj Census
Q:"How do they take the census in Kannauj ?"
A:"They roll a rupee coin down the street."
55.
Filling Phonebooths
How do you get 1000 Baah-MANs in a phonebooth ?
Throw in a ruppee coin.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them it's a Mughal's phonebooth.
56.
Goa Beach
Q: "Why is Goa beach the most popular beach for Baah-MANs ?"
A: "Because it was built over a gold mine!!!"
57.
Overcoming Cold Weather
Q: "What do Baah-MANs do when they are cold ?"
A: "They sit around a candle!!"
Q: "What do they do when they are really cold ??"
A: "They light it!!"
58.
Pandu Tarzan
Q: "If Tarzan and Jane were Baah-MAN what would cheeta be ? "
A: " A fur coat "
59.
Climbing Fences
Q: "Why did the Pandu climb the fence?"
A: "To see what was on the other side!"
60.
Shut-down of Mathura Library
Q: "Did you hear about the shutdown of Mathura Library ?'
A: "Somebody stole the book."

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 4, 2006, 06:38 PM

PANDU IN AMERICA

After 12 year pandu in anerica recieved the letter from his wife india

Jee

App waha theek hoo ho hume umeed hai aur main yaha umeed se hoon.

Kal maa ne pankhe main haath de diya par darna maat ghar main bijlee nahi thee

bijlee see yaad ayaa uske bhai bahut achee hai. jo mangtee hoon dee dete hain, lagta nahi aap jaha ho hee nahi

chaloo bakhi agalee khatt main lekhte hoon

mohalee ki phool rani
pandu ki panditaani

kya karegha pandu
jabh
kismat hee ho gandu

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 4, 2006, 06:40 PM

What do you call a baahman who like red color ?
lal jee

What do you call a baahman who has red back (ass) ?
ram lal, sham lal...

What do you call a baahman who born in winter?
SH-ARAD (sharad)

What do you call a baahman who always talk of his GF ?
ANU-RAG (anurag)

What do you call a baahman who never hav erection ?
A-TAL (atal)

What do you call a baahman whowant flowers in all ?
sheet-al (sheetal)

What do you call a baahman who look like "RISH" or bear?
RISH-I (rishi)

What do you call baahman who likes "gobar"?
GAURAV

Whats the favourite dish of a bald baahman ?
ganja

What do you call a baahman with a tail ?
Bodhi wala baahman

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 4, 2006, 06:42 PM

A bahmaan was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, Now these are
real tough guys in here. Do you can handle it? No problem, the applicant replied,
If they dont behave, out they go!

-------------------------------------------

deep thinking

ek vaar sardar jaa raha ho raha hai toh dekhta hai raste main ek baahman betha hota hai toh use puchtha hai

bahmaan jee "Gatar" khol ke kyon bethe hoo

toh baahman bolta hai "sardar jee deep thinkning"

----------------------------------------------------------

BaahMan bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610.
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal : I am a Proud BaahMan, My son is in Medical College.
Rham Lal : Really, what is he studying,

Sham Lal : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
----------------------------------------
What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
BaahMan ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal falls in luv with a nurse...After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
----------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?
Sham Lal: Very long!
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal went to battery shop and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Sham Lal: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
----------------------------------------
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Sham Lal: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Sham Lal: I think I'll take the money.
----------------------------------------
Q: How do you recognize Sham Lal's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books, when the teacher erases the board.
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Rham Lal: Sham Lal u'll die.
Sham Lal: No, you'll die because haven't you heard train is coming on platform?
----------------------------------------
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains?"
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
----------------------------------------
Q: Why was Sham Lal writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
----------------------------------------
What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal found answer to the most difficult question ever
- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Rham Lal: "Why don't you use a mouth wash.

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 4, 2006, 06:48 PM

KNOCK AT DOOR

MOther: Baby see who is at the door
Baby: Two Man
Two Wo-man
One Baah-Man

-----------------------------------------------------
CLASS ROOM

Teacher : Tell me the different Type of man?
Student: Man
Wo-man
Baah-man

-----------------------------------------------------

Shortest JOke:

Baah-Man watching english movie

naaz123

September 5, 2006, 08:45 AM

What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi
----------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
---------------------------------------
Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Rham Lal: "Why don't you use a mouth wash.

I just found this thread. It's soooooooooo funny! I loved the mouthwash one so much I was laughing out loud and my hubby thinks I've lost it! Thanks for sharing these jokes!
Naaz

#gelaick[VCWWWWIWIVIW]

September 5, 2006, 01:00 PM

Thanx! So funny!! Keep posting!!!

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:38 PM

TOP POPULAR JOKES

1
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Baahman stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2
Baahman-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Baahman-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

3
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Baahman: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4
Baahmanji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5
Baahman told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant it’s already raining.
Baahman: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

6
Baahman wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Baahman: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs
back.

7
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Baahman:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

8
Baahman's wish :when i die,i wana die like my gr andpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the car he was driving..

9
Baahman at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10
Baahman was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Baahman: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

11
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in banaras . Local
Baahmans have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

12
A man asked Baahmanji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Baahmanji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

14
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

15
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

16
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

17
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

18
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

19
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

20
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

21
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

22
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

23
Three patients in a me ntal institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

24
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

25
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26
What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician

27
Baahman comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

28
How do you recognize a Baahman in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

29
once a baahman was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

30
Baahmanji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "

When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)

31
The Baahmanji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane ke liyee chaar gear banaate hain, ) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!

32
Sham Lal decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

'But I think I kno w where I'm going wrong,' said Sham, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

33
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.

34
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U Continue to do so.

35
Baahman to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Baahman: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

36
.How can a Baahman Kill a Lion ? Baahmanji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.

37
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

38
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

39
Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???

40
Baahman: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

41
Baahman : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies Yaar...!!!

42
Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

43
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

44
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

45
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

46
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

47
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

48
Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."

49
Sham Lal : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Sham Lal : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...

50
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:41 PM

A Baahman and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Baahman explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the baahman , and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Baahman complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," Baahman complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the Baahman replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Baahman finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the Baahman, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Baahman replies, "she was here, and you could have.... jai ram je ki"

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:42 PM

Rham lal and Sham lal were in conversation on the beach :

Rham lal :Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sham lal : Tumhe nahe pata ?

Rham lal : Nahe pata.
Sham lal: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai.

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:42 PM

SHOCKING TELEGRAMS OF THE BAAHMAN FAMILY

TELEGRAM #1 (BAAHMAN GIRL)

A GIRL sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :

"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

*********************

TELEGRAM #2 (BAAHMAN)

A Baahman, while he is on a business trip to a hill
station sends a telegram to his wife :

"I wish you were here." The message received by wife:

"I wish you were her."

*************************************
TELEGRAM #3 (BAAHMAN WIFE)

A Baahmani with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway
station to return to her husband. At the reservation co! unter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next
to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave
birth to an old lady."

************************************
TELEGRAM # 4 (BAAHMAN SREVANT)

A Baahman from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her
parent's house in Delhi. When the Baahman went to Ajmer, he asked his
servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written:
'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:43 PM

Pandu to his wife: je kya khana banaya hai es main se toh gobar ka sawad aa rahahai

pandu'wife: hee bagwan gaoo ka moot toh pata thaa... aur kya kya khaa ke dekha hua ha...

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 8, 2006, 03:44 PM

Rham Lal and Sham Lal go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to shore.
Then Shamlal asks: "I hope u remember the spot where u caught all those fish."
The other answers: "Yes,I made 'X'on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
"U idiot!"replies the first."how do u know u will get the same boat tommorrow."

------------------------------

PANDU IN AMERICA

After 12 year pandu in anerica recieved the letter from his wife india

Jee

App waha theek hoo ho hume umeed hai aur main yaha umeed se hoon.

Kal maa ne pankhe main haath de diya par darna maat ghar main bijlee nahi thee

bijlee see yaad ayaa uske bhai bahut achee hai. jo mangtee hoon dee dete hain, lagta nahi aap jaha ho hee nahi

chaloo bakhi agalee khatt main lekhte hoon

mohalee ki phool rani
pandu ki panditaani

kya karegha pandu
jabh
kismat hee ho gandu

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 18, 2006, 09:09 AM

TEACHER & BAAHMAN JI...hahaha

Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.

Baahman ji:No mam! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Baahman ji:My mother will not allow me to go so far..also he is our god!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: How old is your father.

Baahman ji:As old as I am.

Teacher:How is it possible?

Baahman ji:He became father only after I was born.

________________________________

Teacher: (1)There is a frog,(2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,what is my age?

Baahman ji:32 yrs.

Teacher:How do you know?

Baahman ji:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
________________________________

Teacher: Where does God live?

Baahman ji: I think he lives in our bathroom.

Teacher: Why do you say that?

Baahman ji: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,are you still in there?'

________________________________

Teacher:"What is your name?".

Baahman ji:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."

Baahman ji:"My name is Sunlight.

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 25, 2006, 01:17 PM

Sham Lal and Rham Lal walk along an empty river-bed. Sham Lal: `Where do all the pebbles in this river-bed come from?'
Rham Lal: `The river brought them.'
Sham Lal: `Aha! And where is the river now?'
Rham Lal: `Don't you know that, you stupid bahman? Obviously, the river has gone to get more pebbles!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sham Lal's Lock
Sham Lal, fearful and tired of Rham Lal's filching of his items, buys a lock. Sham Lal then tells Rham Lal: `Ha, bahman thief! Now I have bought a number combination lock for my house. All numbers are fives, but I won't tell you in which order!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sham Lal's Cow
Sham Lala's cow was very sick. So he went and asked Rham lal, `What Ayurvedic medicine did you give your cow when she was so sick that time?' `Ammoniac mixed with liquor,' replied Rham lal. Sham Lala then used Rham lal's Ayurvedic remedy on his cow, but the cow died after two days. Sham Lala then went to complain to Rham lal, `What kind of medicine you told me about? My cow died.' Rham lal then replied, `So did mine.'

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Peons
Sham Lal and Rham Lal were employed as peons for two officers. Their officers - one tax official and one forest officer - once met, and each claimed that his attendant was the stupidest man in the world. Intrigued by the other's claim, they decided to test them out. The IT-collector told Sham Lal, "Sham Lal! Here are Rs. 10. Go buy me a car." The forest officer meanwhile told Rham Lal, "Rham Lal! Go to my office and see if I am present there." Unknown to the two officers, the two attendants met outside the office. Sham Lal said, "He, Rham Lal! You will not believe, my officer is such an idiot *Mleccha*! He does not know that today is Sunday and that the market is closed, so that I cannot buy any car." Rham Lal chipped in, "My *pagal* boss wants me to see if he is in the office. Why can't he call his office to see if he is present? I have never seen such a lazy officer!"

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Robbers
Sham Lal and Rham Lal fell on hard days. They decided to rob the Baniya Prakash Agarwal's house. "After all, Manu-smrti says that the world belongs to the Brahmins by right. So we can take what we want, and it is not a crime as per Hindu law," said Sham Lal. So they both entered the Baniya's house at night and started robbing. Inside the house, Sham Lal accidentally hit a bottle which fell over. "Who is there?" asked Prakash Agarwal from downstairs. Sham Lal had the common sense to say, "Miao" and the commotion downstairs subsided. Sham Lal then made his escape with various goods. Rham Lal then happened to hit the same bottle again. "Who is there?" asked Prakash Agarwal once again. "Nobody, just another cat. Aur ek billi." replied Rham Lal.

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Climbing Stairs
Sham Lal invited Rham lal over for dinner one day. Sham Lal's house was 25 stories above Rham lal's. At night, Rham lal climbed 25 stories only to find Sham Lal's door locked and a sign hanging over it. "How did you like your dinner?" was written on the sign. Not to be outdone, Rham lal wrote, "Sorry, I could not come."

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Boiled Eggs
Once, Sham Lal's wife was angry with the servant who had given a very cold egg to her. "Did you boil this in ice water?" she asked.

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Wife's Tooth
Once, Rham lal's wife had a tooth-ache. "If it was my tooth, I would have pulled it out," Rham lal said. "If it was your tooth, I would also have it pulled out!" she replied.

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Counselling
Rham lal and his wife visited the marriage counseller. "My wife and I never agree. We have been married for six years!" cried Sham Lal. "No, seven!" cried his wife.

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Lottery
Sham Lal prayed to god for winning in a lottery. "Hey, Bhagwan Vishnu, please make sure that I win a lottery. I am such a devout Brahmin, and hence I surely deserve this prize more than anybody else." Then a voice came down from the heavens, "O Sham Lal! Give me a chance! At least buy a ticket!"

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Suicide
Once Sham Lal became very suicidal because he lost a lot of money while gambling.
"I will jump off a ten-story building and commit suicide!" he told Rham lal in exasperation.
"But the tallest building in Mathura is five stories," Rham lal replied.
"So what? I will jump off it twice!" snapped Sham Lal.

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Money for USA
Rham Lal had gone to USA, and then phoned Sham Lal when he needed some money. "Hi Sham Lal, my good friend, can you lend me five hundred rupees?" asked Rham Lal over the phone.
"Hello? I can't hear you!" replied Sham Lal.
"Sham Lal, it is me, Rham Lal! Can you lend me five hundred rupees?" asked Rham Lal.
"Hello? I can't hear you!" replied Sham Lal. The operator could hear Rham Lal clearly. "There is no problem with the line, Mr. Sham Lal. It is your friend Rham Lal. He wants to borrow Rs. 500 from you," said the operator.
"If you can hear him so clearly, then why don't you lend that bahman five hundred rupees?" snapped Sham Lal.

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Suitor for Rham Lal's Daughter
Once a suitor for Rham Lal's daughter was trying to convince him to let him marry her.
"I don't want her to spend her life with a gadhaa," said Rham Lal. "Neither do I. That is why I want to marry her," replied the suitor.

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Rham Lal at the barber
Once Rham Lal went to the barber, but the barber said he would charge him twice the normal rate of ten rupees. "Why ?" asked Rham Lal. "Ten rupees to search for and find the hair that is to be cut," came the reply.

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99 Walled Prison
Once, Sham Lal and Rham lal were lodged in a high-security prison for their links with Ranvir Sena. 99 walls separated the prisoners from the outside world. One night, Sham Lal convinces Rham lal to attempt an escape. They start climbing walls. After fifty walls, Rham lal is very tired.
"I am very tired," he says.
"Come on, we are half-way there!" Sham Lal says.
"Okay," says Rham lal and they continue climbing.
After 90 walls, Rham lal says,
"I am really very tired."
"Come, only ten walls left!" cries Sham Lal, and so they continue climbing.
After 95 walls, Rham lal says, "I am too tired now, I can't continue."
"Come, only five walls left!" shouts Sham Lal, and they continue to climb.
After climbing the 99th wall, Rham lal says, "I cannot continue now, I am exhausted." Sham Lal replied,
"Yes, so am I. Come, let us go back."

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He Lived to 205
Sham Lal and Rham lal are walking down the road to their hamlet. After a long walk, they take a rest against a stone, where Sham Lal reads the inscription.
"Is it not true, Rham lal, this person here lived till he was 205!"
"Where was he from?" asks Rham lal.
"Not from here," says Sham Lal, reading the stone, "he was K.M., from Varanasi".

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Kashmir Dhaba
Sham Lala and Rham lal were approaching a dhaba which had been destroyed by a JKLF bomb only minutes before. As they passed, a head rolled out of the smoldering ruins and across the pavement before them. Sham Lala stooped, picked it up and held it up for Rham lal to see.
"Look here, Rham lal, isn't this Dubey?"
"No, Sham Lala, no, it couldn't be. It's an amazing resemblance, but Dubey was taller than that."

toprohan

September 29, 2006, 10:24 AM

Nice Posting........Who is this Baahman ?

PUNJAB_PUTAR

September 29, 2006, 01:00 PM

http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/7991/untitledtr9.png

Sham lal: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Mr Sham Lal: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Sham lal: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Sham lal & Rham lal were struck for 48 hrs on escalators

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A sweet girl goes to Rham lal's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Rham lal sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

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Sham lal: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Rham lal: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Sham lal: Kya naam hai uska?
Rham lal: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"

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Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Sham lal: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.

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How did Sham lal tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

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Sham lal: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Sham lal: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Sham lal: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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Sham lal ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Rham lal: Aur Sham lal, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Sham lal: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

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In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Rham lal sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

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Rham lal: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Sham lal: Suicide karne ke liye
Rham lal: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Sham lal: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

• Sham Lalbar vich ro reha tha
Rham lal: Kyon ro rahee ho?
Sham lal : aur main kya karan? Main jis ladki ko boolna catha hooo uska naam yaad hi nahin aa raha hai

• Phone ki ring baji.office main
Sham Lal : Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein office pe nahin hoon.
Rham lal: haan.. hain.
Sham Lal: Maine mana kiya that...
Rham lal: Phone mere liye tha!

• Sham Lalto a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

• Sham Lal was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

• Sham Lalto his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Beta: Sure dad, what do u wanna knoe...?

• Sham Lal : main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek chunhe ke liye Ek rupeya leti hai.
Rham lal: salee tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.

• Sham Lalt o Rham lal : Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chaiyee si.
Rham lal: Dost hi dost de kam atta hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar aur purse le aa.

• An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Sham Lal
Why?
B'coz he put a pin from his wife's hair when asked: Enter ur Pin

• Rham lal : Wo ladki dekh raha hai deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Sham Lal : Kaise?
Rham lal : Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

• Sham Lalto his wife : Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
his wife, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! gaao (cow) ka moot toh pata tha ...Na jane inhone aur kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

toprohan

October 3, 2006, 08:41 PM

There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.
They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel.
They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.
The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.
The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.
They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their Garage.
They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.
They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers.
They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.
They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.
In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY?
B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.
The next day the story repeated itself.
The taxi just wouldn't move.
They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.

WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind

tanyantanya

December 22, 2006, 07:55 PM

ok chk this out itz gr8!!
http://www.counterfeitmini.com/main.swf

kiranp

April 22, 2007, 03:02 AM

Thanks for making me smile

kareena456

May 22, 2007, 02:26 PM

read this one:

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Man

June 6, 2007, 05:03 PM

>>> An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American were all captured by a group of cannibals. The cannibal chief, not wanting to appear "primitive" offered each one a last request before they were killed, and that no matter what the request, it would be fulfilled. The Englishman thought that this was his way out. All he had to do was to make a request that he was sure the chief could not fulfill and he would not be killed. So, he requested a nice hot cup of Earl Grey Tea. After all, how could the chief produce a cup of English tea way out here in the bush? "Hmmm", said the chief as he thought about it. After a moment he went into his hut where for the next several minutes strange sounds could be heard coming out. Finally, he re – appeared with a beautiful silver tea service with a steaming pot of Earl Grey Tea. Resigned to his fate, the Englishman sipped his cup of tea as slowly as he could, after which, the cannibals killed him, skinned him and made a canoe out of his skin. "Wow!" thought both the Frenchman and the American. "They mean business." Well up next was the Frenchman. He figured out what the Englishman was up to, but that he did not request something that was hard enough to find. So, he requested a glass of a rare 1923 Chateau de Chien Malade. "They will never be able to produce that!" thought the Frenchman. But once again, after several minutes in his hut, the chief brought out a dusty bottle of the wine with a beautiful wine glass. "Merde!" said the Frenchman as he reluctantly sipped his wine. After he finished, the cannibals killed him, skinned him and made a canoe out of his skin. At last it was the American's turn. The chief braced himself for what the next request would be. "I want a fork", said the American defiantly. "A fork?" asked the chief? "Yeah, a fork. You got one, or do you not cha?!" So, the chief went into his hut and immediately returned with a fork, which he then handed over to the American. Looking out at the group of cannibals, and then at his two dead companions, the American held up the fork for a moment. Then as he started stabbing himself over and over he shouted at the top of his lungs. "No one is making a damn canoe out of me!"