Fun 'n' Masti!!!!

[tukz]

The queen of England does not have the right to vote in any British election.



The queen of England has two birthdays.



The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.



The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts



The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.



The rapid rate of expansion of gas is what gives steam its power. One volume of water, at normal atmospheric pressure and at the boiling point, yields 1,670 volume of steam.



The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.



The reason most mosquito bites itch is because mosquitoes inject saliva into the persons skin before they suck your blood. They take it out once they are done, but if they are forced to fly away, they don't get a chance to draw the saliva out. And it is their saliva that causes the itch.



The reason why the very beginning of The Wizard of Oz is black and white, is because color was not available at that point. When color was available, the writers decided to start using it in Munchkinland.



The record for the biggest one day rainfall was set on Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, on March 15, 1952, where 74 inches of rain fell in 24 hours.



The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam, who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives.



The red capes used to taunt bulls in bullfights is the same shade of red as the bull's blood. That way you can't tell it is covered with the bull's blood by the end of the fight. Fight spectators like bullfighting, but not blood.`



The red kangaroo of Australia can jump 27 feet in one bound.



The red sea is not red.



The red spot on the 7up cans comes from it's inventor. He was an albino (albinos have red eyes).



The regular garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.



The Republic of Israel was established April 23, 1948.



The revolving door was invented August 7, 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.



The Ribbon worm will start eating itself to avoid starvation



The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.



The right lung is slightly larger than the left



The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to the fact that the astronavigators used to stand out on the plank (which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.



The river Danube empties into the Black Sea.



.



.



The rose family of plants, in addition to flowers, gives us apples, pears, plums, cherries, almonds, peaches and apricots.



The rosy periwinkle plant, found in Madagascar, is used to cure leukemia.



The rumble that is created when a Harley's engine runs has been patented by the company



The Russian Imperial Necklace has been loaned out by Joseff jewelers of Hollywood for 1,215 different feature films.



The S in Harry S Truman stands for nothing.



The safety pin was patented in 1849 by Walter Hunt. He sold the patent rights for $400.



The Sahara Desert expands at a rate of about 1 km each month.



The Sahara desert is larger as Europe and large then the combined areas of next largest 9 deserts.



The Sahara Desert is over twice as big as the second largest desert in the world, The Australian Desert. The Sahara is 3.5 million square miles compared to the 1.47 million square miles of the Australian. This is "true" in the generic sense of the Autralian Desert. There is no Australian Desert. It is divided into many different deserts. What would be true would be to say the Sahara is bigger than the desert space in Australia (which is A LOT not sure how much as a percentage of the total land mass of australia).



The sailfish can swim faster than a horse can gallop.



The saluki is the oldest known breed of domesticated dog. Carvings of animals resembling the saluki have been found in excavations of the Sumerian Empire. They are believed to have originated from between 6,000 and 7,000 B.C.



The salute of uniform bodies (eg. army, police) originated from knights who lifted their visors to show their face to a royalty.



The same material that is used to make bulletproof glass is also used in Tupperware's Rock 'n Serve containers. The container, however, is not entirely bulletproof. Due to the lifetime warrantee on Tupperware products, the company will replace it for FREE! (Just in case you're in quick need of a shield and a Rock 'n Serve is the only thing handy)



The San Diego Zoo in California has the largest collection of animals in the world.



The sandwich is named for the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were made so that he could stay at the gambling table without interruptions for meals.



The Santa Maria was the only one of Columbus's ships not to return to Spain. It hit a reef on December 5, 1492 and sank.



The saying 'once in a blue moon ' refers to the occurrence of two full moons during one calendar month. The last two occurred in January & March 1999. The next one isn't until the end of 2001.



The science-fiction series "Lost in Space" (set in the year 1997) premiered on CBS in 1965.



The sea contains about 1/2 of the world's known animal groups



The Sea of tranquility is found on the moon.



The SEALs have been deployed in Vietnam, Laos, Panama, Bosnia, Haiti, Somalia, and Colombia.



The search engine "Lycos" is named for Lycosidae, the Latin name for the wolf spider family. Unlike other spiders that sit passively in their web, wolf spiders are hunters, actively stalking their prey.



The secretary-bird swallow hen's egg whole without breaking its shell.



The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!

[tukz]

Last Will and Testament
=====================

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.

To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Stolen Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.'

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?'

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Quick Ones:

"A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead." -- Stan Laurel

----------

Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't serve your type here."

----------

What was the convenience store clerk's reaction when Satan came in and asked for a lemon lime soda?

He gave the Devil his Dew.

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Robinson Crusoe style, the shipwrecked golfer made the best of his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of pumice stone.

"Quite a layout," said the officer in charge of the rescuers.

"You're too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly: "I am however, quite proud of the water hazard."

[tukz]

"Pets At Home"
================

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a Repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. "Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler.

He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!"

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Honest

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Funny Quotes:

"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly." -- Conan O'Brien

--------

"A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking. You know what's really bad? Second-hand meat." -- Jay Leno

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!"

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see...mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?"

"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"

[tukz]

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common.......

Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo




Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?




Give It Another Try....





OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.






This Is Cool.



SCROLL DOWN





Answer:



In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at
the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be
the same word.
Did you figure it out?

[tukz]

How would u calculate volume of a person whos memory is lost????

Think.......

its 1/3(pi*r*r*h)
do u know why.............


?




?





?






?



b'coz he repeatedly says,"mein CONE hun???".

[tukz]

Mere pass

Engg ki degree hai

MBA ka diploma hai

80% merit hai

Tumhaare paas kya hai ?


SECOND ONE:

Guess the reply?.







Guess again?.







Guess again?.







Guess again?.







Guess again?.





Mere paas OBC ka certificate hai

[tukz]

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard
students. As it was the
first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, Lets start with the boys first.

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.

Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.

Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble
in the bathtub.

Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.

This continues...
and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby
is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please.

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.

Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.

Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.

Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.
You sweet girl; Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class:
Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

[tukz]

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.

The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. To make it more interesting, the debate was to be conducted using sign language and neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay. " An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened ?" they asked. "Well", said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?", asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine".

[tukz]

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?

The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Irish Humor:

The Errand

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin", said the Irishman, "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

-----------

You've been drinking again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. Again, he fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Funny Quotes:

"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity." -- Chris Rock

"A New Hampshire couple has walked the 5,000 mile length of the U.S. in 18 months. They expect their return trip to take another year and a half. They're booked on United." -- Alan Ray

"I was about to walk on to do my show one night when a man in the audience stopped me and said, 'Rodney, do me a favor before you go on. Could I have your autograph...and some more butter?'" -- Rodney Dangerfield

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon.

We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries."

Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

[tukz]

ANIMAL JOKES OF THE DAY D is for… 05-15-06

Dachshund
1028.
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Because his favorite song was “Get Along Little Doggie.”

Dalmatian
1034.
Why do Dalmatians have a hard time hiding?
Because they’re always spotted.

Deer
1044.
What made the doe so athletic?
She had to run for her deer life.

Dinosaur
1066.
A coprolite (fossil feces) was recently discovered which was 17
inches long by 5 inches wide, 65,000,000 years old, and had chopped-
up dinosaur bone in it. Paleontologists announced that it was
probably from a Tyrannosaurus Rex. They determined it was from a T.
Rex by a process of elimination.

Doe
1089.
What do you call a deer that howls at a full moon?
A weirdoe.

Dog
1148.
What did the author do when he caught his dog chewing up the notes
for his new novel?
He took the words right out of his mouth.

Donkey
1308.
A man named Mills told his neighbor about his burro, named Hotey,
that was so frail the gentlest of breezes would have him leaning. The
neighbor replied, “So would you say that’s a case of donkey Hotey
tilting at wind, Mills?”

Dove
1309.
When was paper money first mentioned in the Bible?
When the dove took green back to Noah.

Dragon
1317.
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can hunt knights.

Dragonfly
1324.
If you ever see a dragonfly, get out of sight.

Duck
1328.
What made the duck so smart?
It always made wise quacks.

1346.
Visitor: “Has the price of feathers increased?”
Farmer: “Yes. Now even down is up.”

1375.
Why do ducks go under water?
For divers reasons.

1376.
And why do ducks come out of the water?
For sun-dry purposes

[tukz]

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO and it cost half a million dollars!"

"Wow! That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, "WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!" Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph.

"WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!" He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him...... AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy and his Moped, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the entire rear end. The young man stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My! Are you alright? Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers:

"Yeah, sonny,would be so kind as to unhook...my...suspenders...from...your... side-view.......mirror..."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband can die.

Each morning, I want you to fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch, fix him a nutritious meal. Then later for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. And, please, don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your stress; this will probably make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be intimate with your husband every day of the week. If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." The lady just sat there dumbfounded for a minute before the doctor told her she could leave now.

On the way home, the husband anxiously asked his wife, "So.....what did the doctor say to you?"

Complete Silence. And then........

"That you're going to die."

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

And a quote to go with the above joke:

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." --Rita Rudner

-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-

Metric System

Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why American have not adopted it:

- A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.

- Put your best .3 of a meter forward.

- Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.

- Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.

- Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.

- Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

[tukz]

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is
automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to
ring.

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and
"wrong" for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything
according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a
girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more
endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin
less.

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur
folks.

17. No nonstop nonsense.

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

19. No tension.

20. You can be "urself"

& last but not least

21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills......

[tukz]

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and

> wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the

> morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

>

> The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric

> chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace

> University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the

> behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens. They

> all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and

> release her.

>

> The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her

> last words," I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the

> power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw

> the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately

> prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

>

> The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well,

> I'm from the University of Alabama and just graduated with a degree in

> Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna

> electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

[divyaashimix]

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is
automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to
ring.

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and
"wrong" for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything
according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a
girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more
endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin
less.

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur
folks.

17. No nonstop nonsense.

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

19. No tension.

20. You can be "urself"

& last but not least

21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills......


heheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
dam kool re................

[tukz]

Jo..

Ho Gaya.
Wo Ho Gaya.

Jo..
Hona Hoga.
Wo Hoga.

Aur Jo.
Nahi Hona Hai.
Wo Nahi Hoga.

Kyon ke Jo.

Hona Hai.
Wo To.

Hoga Hi Hoga.

Ab Dekhna Hai.

Ki Kya.

Hoga.?
Aur.
Kya Nahi.
Hoga.

Hone Ko To.
Kuch Bhi.
Hoga.

Yahi Sochna Hai.
Ki Kya
Hoga.?
Aur Kya Hoga.
Agar.
Kuch Hoga To.
Theek Hoga.
Aur.
Nahi Hoga.
To Bhi.
Theek Hoga.
Theek Hoga To.
Kis Kaaran Se.
Hoga.
Aur.
Kaaran Hi agar.
Theek Nahi Hoga.
To Kuch.

Kaise Theek Hoga.?
Ab Aap Batao Ki.
Aage.
Kya Hoga.?
kisi.
aur.
ko.
bhejiega,
acchha.
time pass hoga.

[tukz]

heheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
dam kool re................
thnx a ton

[tukz]

Good Things

Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one...
IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.

1. Falling in love



Laughing so hard your face hurts.



3. A hot shower.



4. No lines at the supermarket



5. A special glance.



6. Getting mail



7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.



8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.



9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.



10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.



11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)



12. A bubble bath.



13. Giggling.



14. A good conversation.


15. The beach



16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

< BR>
17. Laughing at yourself.



19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.



20. Running through sprinklers.



21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.



22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.



23. Laughing at an inside joke.



24. Friends.



25 Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.



26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.



27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).



28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.



29. Playing with a new puppy.



30. Having someone play with your hair.



31. Sweet dreams.



32. Hot chocolate.



33. Road trips with friends



34. Swinging on swings.



35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.



36. Making choc olate chip cookies.



37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.



38. Holding hands with someone you care about.



39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.



40. Watching the ___expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.



41. Watching the sunrise.



42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.



43. Knowing that somebody misses you.



44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.



45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.

[tukz]

A blind man enters a blondes bar by mistake .

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud

Voice, " Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, " Before you
Tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind,
That you should know five things:

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler ..

Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black
Belt in karate, and a very bad attitude!

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke ?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

" Nah. .. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[animateash]

awesopem oens tukz

[tukz]

thnx ash
PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI: Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.


CIRCUIT
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI
Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT
Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.


CIRCUIT
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?


CIRCUIT
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.


CIRCUIT
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
CIRCUIT
Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.


PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?

MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.


MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.


Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.

ENGLISHMAN
What is this?
CIRCUIT
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN
What is this?
CIRCUIT
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN
What is that?
CIRCUIT
Air India


CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.


MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.


MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI
Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?


MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.


CIRCUIT
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.


PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI
Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu ?

[tukz]

News that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at
Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?
Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par
khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe the. Achanak announcement hui ki
shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne
suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke
liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.
correspondent said: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri
par nahin koode. Sardar: oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liiye
patri par hi leta tha.
Jaise hi announcement hui ki Gaadi platform par aa rahi hai, main
platform par so gaya.


==========================================
Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ?
I thought...i thought ...i thought about it and wrote THUNK

==========================================
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly

==========================================
Two sardarjis (Prajees) were friends. They used to go together in office by bus.
One day one of them was waiting for the other at the bus stop.
Suddenly the other one came on a BIKE (Hero Honda).
First one asked "waa! Prajee!! Kammal ho gaya. Kiska bike Leke aayya?
Second one told " Arre ! Lottery Lag Gayi.
First one said " Mujhe batao yaar, phir mein bhi loonga "
He started telling.... "Arre yesterday late night I was coming from a
friend's home.
It was so late that I couldn't catch any bus and auto.
After some time one BIKE was coming. So I asked for lift.
That person asked me "where do u want to go??????????"
I told, " wherever u want." by that time I recognised that THE BIKE WALA
was a girl not boy.
She drove fast and stopped at an ultra SUNSAN JAGAHA. She put off her
helmet first. And then clothes lastly.

Than....................................

She was totally NAKED.

Than..............................

Then she told " Le! tujhe jo mangta hai woh le le" ...

Than

I took the BIKE and ran away.
First Sardarji said "Arre! Accha Kiya Yaar.. ! nahi to ladkiyon ke kapde
apne kis kaamke?"

[tukz]

31 interesting tips about girlz

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's
crying in her heart.


2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best
to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an
apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which
is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the
relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute
of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she
will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to
react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would
start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a
friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her
alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings
and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why
most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may
act look uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is
back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start
telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her
get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to
study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl
that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she
never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance
stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is
standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she
loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and
going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close
to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that
order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL
girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

31. Girls always hope that they can always remain as friend with
their ex. But never know how !

[tukz]

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter."
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him,
So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.

Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

[tukz]

Confessions of kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.



Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.


Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

[tukz]

guyz atlast i have finished mi 500 psts

[animateash]

awesoem tukz even i ahev mny iw ikll sun psot

lvu ash

[evilseye]

Hey bhaggu!!Tukz!!!Poori joke buk dimag mein scan kar li hai kya!!!??????????
Awesome jokes yar!!!
Luv
Sur

[tukz]

thnx sur n ash.n ya am w8in 4 ur jokes or watevr u have
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A -- Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B -- He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until
noon, used opium in college, and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -- He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?



Question 2:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three
who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she
had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.



Question 3:
And Finally ... can you imagine working for a company that has a
little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?

Decide first ... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answer 1:
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

Answer 2:
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said, "YES!" ...
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging
someone. Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading ...

Never be afraid to try something new ...
Remember ... Amateurs built the ark ... Professionals...built the Titanic!

Answer 3:
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year.

[animateash]

kul one tukz

lvu ash

[animateash]

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his

*room, so he decided*

*to send an e-mail to his wife.*

* **
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and*

*
**without realizing*

* his error, he sent the e-mail.
*

* *

*


Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned*

*from her*

**

*
**husband's funeral.
*

* The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
*

* messages from

*

*relatives and friends.**


*

*After reading the first message, she fainted. The
*

*widow's **son rushed into*

*
**
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
*

*


**computer screen which read:*

*



To: My Loving Wife*

*Subject: I've Reached*

*Date: 16 May 2004*

*
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, *

***and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.*

*
I've just reached and have been checked in.*

*I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival**tomorrow.*

*
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!**

[animateash]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.


2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.


3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.


4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.


5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.


6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.


7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.


8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.


10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.


11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.


12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.


13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.


14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

[tukz]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.


2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.


3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.


4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.


5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.


6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.


7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.


8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.


10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.


11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.


12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.


13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.


14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
kul 1 ash lud it n herez sum more frm me
S'thing to activate your brain cell


1. man
-----------
board



Ans. = man overboard



2. stand
-----------
i



Ans. = I understand

ok?....get the drift?
Let's try a few now & see how you fare ???


3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/



Ans. = reading between the lines


4. r
road
a
d



Ans. = cross road


5. cycle
cycle
cycle



Ans. = tricycle


6. t
o
w
n



Ans. = downtown


7. le /
/ vel



Ans. = split level


8. 0
-------------
M.D.
Ph.D.



Ans. = two degrees below zero


9. knee!
------------
light



Ans. = neon light (knee on light)


10. ii ii
----------
O O



Ans. = circles under the eyes


11. dice
dice



Ans. = paradise


12. t
o
u
c
h



Ans. = touch! down


13. ground
---------------
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet



Ans. = six feet underground


14. he's / himself


Ans. = he's by himself


15. ecnalg


Ans. = backward glance


16. death / life


Ans. = life after death


17 THINK


Ans. think big !! !


And the last one is what made me missing
you...............

18 ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....

[animateash]

Little Ones
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My three year old son and I were passing by a McDonald's one day and he
started begging me to get some "fench fies, please". I didn't have any
money on me and I told him "No, Mommy is broke" He didn't complain he
just accepted my answer.

A few days later we were driving past a McDonald's once again. He was
not having a happy day because we were stuck running errands all day. So
I offered, "Ryan do you want to get some french fries?" And he perked
up and smiled and said, "Why Mommy, are you fixed?"


~~~~~~~~
one More
~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny's mother asked him what he would like for his birthday.
"I'd like a little brother," he replied.

"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a
little brother?"

"Well," responded Lil' Johnny, "there's only so much I can blame on the
dog."


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: This is why testing is important!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A10~864

[animateash]

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZ ING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY

FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.



IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.



THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY
HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION
TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST
AFTER 3 DAYS.

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY

THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL
CONDITION TEST.



ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY
ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST
CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.





Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)

Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST -------(98 MARKS)!!

[animateash]

kul 1 ash lud it n herez sum more frm me
S'thing to activate your brain cell


1. man
-----------
board



Ans. = man overboard



2. stand
-----------
i



Ans. = I understand

ok?....get the drift?
Let's try a few now & see how you fare ???


3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/



Ans. = reading between the lines


4. r
road
a
d



Ans. = cross road


5. cycle
cycle
cycle



Ans. = tricycle


6. t
o
w
n



Ans. = downtown


7. le /
/ vel



Ans. = split level


8. 0
-------------
M.D.
Ph.D.



Ans. = two degrees below zero


9. knee!
------------
light



Ans. = neon light (knee on light)


10. ii ii
----------
O O



Ans. = circles under the eyes


11. dice
dice



Ans. = paradise


12. t
o
u
c
h



Ans. = touch! down


13. ground
---------------
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet



Ans. = six feet underground


14. he's / himself


Ans. = he's by himself


15. ecnalg


Ans. = backward glance


16. death / life


Ans. = life after death


17 THINK


Ans. think big !! !


And the last one is what made me missing
you...............

18 ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....
hey athxn a alot an i have reda dis still njoyed redainga gain

lvu ash

[tukz]

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZ ING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY

FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.



IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.



THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY
HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION
TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST
AFTER 3 DAYS.

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY

THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL
CONDITION TEST.



ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY
ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST
CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.





Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)

Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST -------(98 MARKS)!!
lol gud 1.liked it.

[animateash]

4 MANAGEMENT LESSONS...........






4 Management lessons...........




__________________________________________________ _______________________

Lesson Number One
*****************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the
tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second
branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control
the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain
fevered.

Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the
Boss, so the
motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and
passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will
do.

__________________________________________________ _______________________

Lesson Number Four
******************

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow
dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of
cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut!

[animateash]

lol gud 1.liked it.
TAHXN A LTO

LUV ASH

[tukz]

4 MANAGEMENT LESSONS...........






4 Management lessons...........




__________________________________________________ _______________________

Lesson Number One
*****************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the
tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second
branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control
the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain
fevered.

Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the
Boss, so the
motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and
passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will
do.

__________________________________________________ _______________________

Lesson Number Four
******************

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.

While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow
dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of
cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut!






gggggggggg
Benefits of smile



1) Smile shows friendship
2) Smile make new friends
3) Smile makes other people's day brighter
4) Smile improves your day
5) Smile looks better than a frown


6) Smile Puts others at ease
7) Smile always enjoyable to give and receive
8) Smile leaves favorable impressions
9) Smile makes you look happy, confident, and self-assured
10) Smile could be the start of a lifetime relationship

[animateash]

Amazing but true!!!



*Have a look......things you may not know....*

**

*1. Coca-Cola was originally green.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*3.The name of the entire continents end with the same letter
that they start with.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the
letters on one row of the keyboard.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!*

*----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze,
your heart stops for a millisecond.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

*>Spades - King David*

*>Clubs - Alexander the Great,*

*>Hearts - Charlemagne*

*>Diamonds - Julius Caesar.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
(count out the answer)*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.* <cool huh!!>

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Answer - All invented by women.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Answer - Honey*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*20. A snail can sleep for three years.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*21. All polar bears are left handed.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*23. Butterflies taste with their feet.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*24.Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*25.In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*27. Shakespeare invented the words 'assassination' and 'bump'.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*29. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps o squirt
blood 30 feet.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have
over a million descendants.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.*
(Am I right? If so, reply back)

[tukz]

Amazing but true!!!



*Have a look......things you may not know....*

**

*1. Coca-Cola was originally green.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*3.The name of the entire continents end with the same letter
that they start with.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the
letters on one row of the keyboard.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!*

*----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze,
your heart stops for a millisecond.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

*14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

*>Spades - King David*

*>Clubs - Alexander the Great,*

*>Hearts - Charlemagne*

*>Diamonds - Julius Caesar.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
(count out the answer)*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.* <cool huh!!>

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Answer - All invented by women.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Answer - Honey*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*20. A snail can sleep for three years.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*21. All polar bears are left handed.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*23. Butterflies taste with their feet.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*24.Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*25.In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*27. Shakespeare invented the words 'assassination' and 'bump'.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*29. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps o squirt
blood 30 feet.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have
over a million descendants.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------*

*37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.*
(Am I right? If so, reply back)
i have already pstd dem here but still i enjoyed dem

[animateash]

Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/1.gif

More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush," and........
if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see
that the word THE is repeated twice!
Sorry, look again.

Next, let's play with some words.

What do you see?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/2.jpg

In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualize the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil ). ??

Now, what do you see?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/3.gif

You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?

[animateash]

i have already pstd dem here but still i enjoyed dem
oops sry but here d jokes tend 2 get mixed up

lvu ash

[animateash]

What do you see here?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/4.jpg

This one is quite tricky!

The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

Last one.

What do you see?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/5.gif

You probably read the word ME in brown, but.......

when you look through ME you will see YOU!

Do you need to look again?

Test Your Brain
This is really cool. The second one is amazing so please read all the way though.
'

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/6.gif

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".
?
?????????????

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/7.gif
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

[divyaashimix]

What do you see here?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/4.jpg

This one is quite tricky!

The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

Last one.

What do you see?

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/5.gif

You probably read the word ME in brown, but.......

when you look through ME you will see YOU!

Do you need to look again?

Test Your Brain
This is really cool. The second one is amazing so please read all the way though.
'

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/6.gif

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".
?
?????????????

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g175/ashili/xtra/7.gif
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Hey Kool one........
thankx THAKUR !!!!!!!!!!

[tukz]

kul ash i was jst ryte abt d F-s

[tukz]

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.






Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!

Balance = 0

" Then how can a student pass ??"

[tukz]

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

[tukz]

Love
The Special Feeling that makes you feel all Warm and Wonderful

Respect
Treating others as well as you'd like to be treated

Appreciation
To be Grateful for all the Good Things Life has to offer

Happiness
The Full Enjoyment of each moment with a Smiling Face

Forgiveness
The Ability to let Things be without Anger

Sharing
The Joy of giving without Thought of Receiving

Honesty
The Quality of always telling the Truth

Integrity
The purity of doing what's Right no matter what.

Compassion
The Essence of Feeling another's Pain, while Easing their Hurt

Peace
The Reward for living the 10 Most Important Things...

[divyaashimix]

Love
The Special Feeling that makes you feel all Warm and Wonderful

Respect
Treating others as well as you'd like to be treated

Appreciation
To be Grateful for all the Good Things Life has to offer

Happiness
The Full Enjoyment of each moment with a Smiling Face

Forgiveness
The Ability to let Things be without Anger

Sharing
The Joy of giving without Thought of Receiving

Honesty
The Quality of always telling the Truth

Integrity
The purity of doing what's Right no matter what.

Compassion
The Essence of Feeling another's Pain, while Easing their Hurt

Peace
The Reward for living the 10 Most Important Things...

hey..........
kool one re................:D

[tukz]

hey..........
kool one re................:D
thnx sweety

[tukz]

Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

================================================== ==============

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

================================================== ==============

Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....

================================================== ==============
Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

================================================== ==============
Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?


Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!

================================================== ==============
Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"

Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

================================================== ==============
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

================================================== ==============
Whats the height of Intelligence?

Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...

[tukz]

A Paki, Bangladeshi and an Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In
Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
glass to pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Sardar , cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
Paki and Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that We don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

[tukz]

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 second a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".


Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What came first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.


Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs. 11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!


Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....


Sardar proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye no problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.


Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefulyin his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the car he was driving..


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

[divyaashimix]

Hey TUKZZZZZZZZZ.............
as usual..............................
the post roxxxxxxxxx.........................:D :D :D :D

[tukz]

Hey TUKZZZZZZZZZ.............
as usual..............................
the post roxxxxxxxxx.........................:D :D :D :D
thnx
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."

[divyaashimix]

bang on you re.............
it roxxxx~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[tukz]

bang on you re.............
it roxxxx~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D
;) thnx a lot.hey divya cum in chit chat dere v can cht or else do u cht wid yahoo massngr den cum online n ad me:tuky_twinkling.angel

hats off to the person who wrote this

Q: Why must we put on our pants one leg at a time?
Ans: If we jumped into our pants simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would Cause an earth tremor. Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established In Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed. As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day's Tremor and eventually cause the earth's crust to break apart and float into space. This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time.

[tukz]

God created the donkey

And said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
.................................................. ......................................
God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years.
"God granted his wish.
.................................................. .................................! .....
God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
.................................................. ......................................
Finally God created man

And said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
"God granted man's wish
.................................................. ......................................
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,
Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Isn't it?

[tukz]

Hi frenz.....
This is a conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

HUSBAND: Hi Dear, I am logged in.

WIFE: Would you like to have some snacks?

HUSBAND: Hard disk full.

WIFE: Have you brought the saree?

HUSBAND: Bad command or file name.

WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning!

HUSBAND: Syntax error, abort, retry, cancel.

WIFE: HAE BHAGAWAN! Forget it, where's your salary?

HUSBAND: File in use, read only. try after some time.

WIFE: Atleast give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

HUSBAND: Sharing violation, access denied.

WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you!

HUSBAND: Data type mismatch.

WIFE: You are useless!

HUSBAND: By default.

WIFE: Who was there with you in the car this morning?

HUSBAND: System unstable. Press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.

WIFE: What is my value in your life?

HUSBAND: Unknown virus detected.

WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?!

HUSBAND: Too many parameters.

WIFE: I will go to my dad's house!

HUSBAND: Program performed illegal operation, it will close.

WIFE: I will leave you forever!

HUSBAND: Close all programs and log out for another user.

WIFE: It's worthless talking to you!

HUSBAND: Shut down the computer.

WIFE: I am going!!!

HUSBAND: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Hope you enjoyed this................keep smiling

[tukz]

Dont Mind it My Dear,......

Funny Jokes

3 Pakistani's & 3 Indians are traveling by train to a
cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the
station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as
the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks one of the INDIAN "Watch and learn
"answer one of the PAKISTANI's.

They all board the train. the INDIANS take their
seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and
close the door behind them. Shortly after the train
departs, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets.

He knock on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm
emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it
and moves on.


The INDIANS see this and agree it was a clever idea.
so after the game, they decide to copy the PAKISTANI
style on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. to their astonishment,

the PAKISTANI don't buy the ticket at all! "How come are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed INDIAN, "watch and learn, " answers a PAKISTANI when they board the train the three INDIANS cram into one toilet
and soon after the three PAKISTANIS cram into another toilet.

The train departs shortly afterwards, one of the
PAKISTANI leaves the toilet and walk over the toilet where the INIDANS are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket Please." the
door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with
a ticket in hand the PAKISTANI takes the ticket and
goes back into his toilet ...

2...........
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

3...........
Elephant And Ant Soccer Game
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle
so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.

The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil when the Ants gained possession.

The Ants star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants goal

when the Elephants left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant killing him instantly.

The referee stopped the game. what the hell do you think you are doing?

Do you call that sportsmanship killing another player?

The elephant replied Well I didnt mean to kill him I was just trying to trip him up.

[tukz]

Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.

How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!

Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai

[tukz]

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

[tukz]

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.

[tukz]

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?" Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye."

Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.

Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa : I am falling in love.

Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?

Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..

Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".

[tukz]

Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.

Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."

Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!

[tukz]

Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".

(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)

Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"

Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.

Santa: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha santa 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Santa: Meinu patta se tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

[tukz]

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions

[animateash]

kul ash i was jst ryte abt d F-s
tahnx alot

luv ash

[animateash]

hey tukzzz awesoem


luv ash

[animateash]

Hey Kool one........
thankx THAKUR !!!!!!!!!!
welcome


luv ash

[luckysd]

hey guys on independence day dis is 4 u all
*********--,_
********['****'\
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********__/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|
,--;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/
\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/*
**._/**_-,*************************_|***
**\___/*_/************************,_/
*******|**********************_/
*******|***************2*****,/
*******\*********************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/

[animateash]

hey guys on independence day dis is 4 u all
*********--,_
********['****'\
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********__/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|
,--;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/
\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/*
**._/**_-,*************************_|***
**\___/*_/************************,_/
*******|**********************_/
*******|***************2*****,/
*******\*********************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/



omg omg omg omg luckytw a a come back kitna cha din chuna tune awsoem

lvua sh

[luckysd]

omg omg omg omg luckytw a a come back kitna cha din chuna tune awsoem

lvua sh
hey thanx a lot ash

[divyaashimix]

hey guys on independence day dis is 4 u all
*********--,_
********['****'\
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********__/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|
,--;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/
\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/*
**._/**_-,*************************_|***
**\___/*_/************************,_/
*******|**********************_/
*******|***************2*****,/
*******\*********************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/

Hey Lucky......
you rok.........
and so this drawing too...........
welcome back chicklets!!!!!!!!!!

[tukz]

hey guys on independence day dis is 4 u all
*********--,_
********['****'\
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********__/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|
,--;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/
\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/*
**._/**_-,*************************_|***
**\___/*_/************************,_/
*******|**********************_/
*******|***************2*****,/
*******\*********************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/
hey rajni u rok as wel as ur drwin n ya y did u threat us like dat???????????????????????

[tukz]

hey tukzzz awesoem


luv ash
thnx a lot ash

[tukz]

A Paki, Bangladeshi and a Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to
drink from the same one twice. "

bollo tara ra ra.....

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "

The Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi.
He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that, we don't
need to drink with the same ones twice ."
JAI HIND

[evilseye]

hey guys on independence day dis is 4 u all
*********--,_
********['****'\
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********__/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|
,--;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/
\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/*
**._/**_-,*************************_|***
**\___/*_/************************,_/
*******|**********************_/
*******|***************2*****,/
*******\*********************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/
LUCKY!!!!!!!!
Ur back!!!!!!!!HEY BHAGGU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
grt to have u back yaar!!!!!n ya v missed u a lot.so its grt to have u back!!
btw.....teri prob solve hogayi kya???
Luv
Sur

[divyaashimix]

A Paki, Bangladeshi and a Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to
drink from the same one twice. "

bollo tara ra ra.....

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "

The Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi.
He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that, we don't
need to drink with the same ones twice ."
JAI HIND


BITASTA..
is thread ka naam,
FUN N MASTI SEY TUKZ AND MASTI RAKH DENA CHAHIYE YARRR!!!!!!!!
duh-uh........
all your jokes rokkkk!!!!!!!!
ek sey badhkar ek rehtey hain sab!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

[luckysd]

Hey Lucky......
you rok.........
and so this drawing too...........
welcome back chicklets!!!!!!!!!!
dekh divu i m warning u.....agli baar tune mujhe chicklets kaha na to main......main tujhe.....timbo kahungi.......ne ways thanx

[luckysd]

hey tukz and sur thanx a lot........wel meri prob thodi prsnl thi dat's y i cant share dat wid u all guys......and yes forum me kisi ne mujhe kuch nahi kaha tha......and plz guys dis is a request 2 u all....dat dont ask me abt dat prob again and again......coz i don wanna remember dat.....and now when it is solved i don wanna get upset due 2 dat........so plz guys don ask me nething abt dat......i hope u all undrstand......

[divyaashimix]

dekh divu i m warning u.....agli baar tune mujhe chicklets kaha na to main......main tujhe.....timbo kahungi.......ne ways thanx


hey Bhaggu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please TIMBO NAHI, woh RUHI ka department hai:o ...............

accha........
agli baar tujhey --------- nahi kahoongi......
aaaaaaaaaa......................................
toh kya kahoon??????????
hhhmmmmmmmm...............
sochana padega!!!!!!!!

[luckysd]

hey Bhaggu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please TIMBO NAHI, woh RUHI ka department hai:o ...............

accha........
agli baar tujhey --------- nahi kahoongi......
aaaaaaaaaa......................................
toh kya kahoon??????????
hhhmmmmmmmm...............
sochana padega!!!!!!!!
are sochna kya hai......maine itne saare options diye to the pehle....unhi me se koi chooze kar le

[divyaashimix]

are sochna kya hai......maine itne saare options diye to the pehle....unhi me se koi chooze kar le
I guess LUCKY is the best man..........
it rox!!!!!!!!!!:p

[animateash]

tukz cool oens

lvu ash

[animateash]

hey thanx a lot ash
hey welcome

lvu ash

[animateash]

Story 1:


It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun.
Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism,and your big claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion : "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion
continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion
looking very pleased with himself.

Moral:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT
THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------

Story 2:

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf : "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf : "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene: As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT
MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson
In the context of the working world:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.

[animateash]

A Stock Market Dictionary for the past year investor




Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

[animateash]

10 dumb quotes from corporate memos - Company names withheld to protect the inept:





From corporate security: "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

Re: project planning: "Please provide a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
From the IT department: "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
From Marketing: "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
Quality control at its best: "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
In response to an inquiry about a deadline: "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
In response to a request for time off to attend the funeral of a family member: "That is our busiest day of the year. Could you change the burial to Friday? That would be better for me."
Plenty of notice: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above."
From the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
And finally: "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

[animateash]

Ten Best things to say if you are caught sleeping at your desk:



10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. " .....Amen."

[animateash]

Management Speak





Management Speak: That's very interesting.
Translation: I disagree.

Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.
Translation: You may be right, but I don't care.

Management Speak: You have to show some flexibility.
Translation: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

Management Speak: We have an opportunity.
Translation: You have a problem.

Management Speak: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
Translation: This is awful.

Management Speak: Help me to understand.
Translation: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
Translation: We're going to do it my way.

Management Speak: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
Translation: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.

Management Speak: We have to leverage our resources.
Translation: You're working weekends.

Management Speak: Your project is on hold.
Translation: We've put a bullet in it.

Management Speak: You needed to be more proactive.
Translation: You should have protected me from myself.

Management Speak: I'd like your buy-in on this.
Translation: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

Management Speak: We have to put on our marketing hats.
Translation: We have to put ethics aside.

Management Speak: It's a no-brainer.
Translation: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

Management Speak: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
Translation: One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.

Management Speak: There are larger issues at stake.
Translation: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts.

Management Speak: I'll never lie to you.
Translation: The truth will change frequently.

Management Speak: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
Translation: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.

[animateash]

Going Hiking




A Father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.

"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"

"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.

"Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"

"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Johnson from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"

[animateash]

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel that you have on"

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,

"Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"

Management Lesson:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in a timely fashion with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.






Corporate Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management Lesson:
Always let your boss have the first say.


| | | | | Inbox

[animateash]

Corporate Lingo



COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.


JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.


CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll
dress up well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.


MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on
your first day.


SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each
weekend.



DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.


MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.


CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that
way).


APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the
position has been filled.


NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We have filled the job. Our call for resumes
is just a legal formality.


SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it
to replace three people who just left.


PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in
perpetual chaos.


REQUIRES PROJECT LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities
of a manager, without the pay or respect.

[animateash]

Pass Class

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.

"Well,"he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

[animateash]

No Lie


The Indian chief says to his son, "Son, you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"
His son says, "No, me no push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The chief says, "Son, me tell-um you story of Great White Father, George Washington. Many moons ago, when Great White Father was young boy, him chop-um down cherry tree. Him father ask-um, 'Georgie, you chop-um down cherry tree?' George say-um, 'Cannot tell-um lie, Father. Me chop-um down cherry tree.' Him father say, 'Georgie bad, but Georgie honest, so you no get-um punishment.'

Now I ask-um you again... you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"

His son says, "Yes, Father, me push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The Chief proceeds to give-um big wuping to his son.

The son says, "Father, Great White Father tell truth and get-um off scott-free. I tell-um truth... why you give-um me big wuping?"

The Chief says, "Georgie's father not sit-um in cherry tree."

[animateash]

Performance Appraisal Meanings




GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS........... Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS........... Spends lots of time on phone

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE.................... Not too bright

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED........ Made no major blunders yet

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY.............. Too ugly to get a date

ACTIVE SOCIALLY..................... Drinks a lot

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY........... Spouse drinks, too

INDEPENDENT WORKER.................. Nobody knows what he/she does

QUICK THINKING...................... Offers plausible excuses

CAREFUL THINKER..................... Won't make a decision

AGGRESSIVE.......................... Obnoxious

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS........ Gets someone else to do it

EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL........... Speaks English

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL...... A nit picker

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES............ Is tall or has a loud voice

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT........ Lucky

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR................ Knows a lot of dirty jokes

CAREER MINDED....................... Back Stabber

LOYAL............................... Can't get a job anywhere else !!!

[animateash]

Lesson Number FIVE


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Management Lesson?
Not everyone who sh**s on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


Here endeth your management course




LESSON NUMBER SIX


FELIX THE FLYING FROG, a Parable about Modern Management


Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich.





"Felix!" he said one day, hit by sudden inspiration, "We're going to be rich! I will teach you to fly!"



Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect. "I can't fly, you twit! I'm a frog, not a canary!"



Clarence, disappointed at the initial response, told Felix:

"That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem.

I'm sending you to class."





So Felix went to a three-day course and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication—but nothing about flying.



On the first day of the "flying lessons," Clarence could barely control his excitement (and Felix could barely control his bladder). Clarence explained that their apartment building had 15 floors, and each day Felix would jump out of a window, starting with the first floor and eventually getting to the top floor. After each jump, Felix would analyze how well he flew, isolate the most effective flying techniques, and implement the improved process for the next flight. By the time they reached the top floor, Felix would surely be able to fly.



Felix pleaded for his life, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

"He just doesn't understand how important this is," thought Clarence.

"He can't see the big picture."



So, with that, Clarence opened the window and threw Felix out. He landed with a thud.

The next day, poised for his second flying lesson, Felix again begged not to be thrown out of the window. Clarence opened his pocket guide to "Managing More Effectively," and showed Felix the part about how one must always expect resistance when introducing new, innovative programs. With that, he threw Felix out the window—THUD! On the third day (at the third floor), Felix tried a different ploy: stalling. He asked for a delay in the "project" until better weather would make flying conditions more favorable.



But Clarence was ready for him: He produced a timeline and pointed to the third Milestone and asked. "You don't want to slip up the schedule, do you?"





Now this is not to say that Felix wasn't trying his best. On the fifth day he flapped his legs madly in a vain attempt at flying.



On the sixth day, he tied a small red cape around his neck and tried to think "Superman" thoughts. It didn't help.



By the seventh day, Felix, accepting his fate, no longer begged for mercy. He simply looked at Clarence and said, "You know you're killing me, don't you?"



Clarence pointed out that Felix's performance so far had been less than exemplary; failing to meet any of the milestone goals he had set for him.



With that, Felix said quietly, "Shut up and open the window," and he leaped out, taking careful aim at the large jagged rock by the corner of the building.



Felix went to that great lily pad in the sky. Clarence was extremely upset, as his project had failed to meet a single objective that he had set out to accomplish.



Felix had not only failed to fly, he hadn't even learned to steer his fall as he dropped like a sack of cement, nor had he heeded Clarence's advice to "Fall smarter, not harder." The only thing left for Clarence to do was to analyze the process and try to determine where it had gone wrong. After much thought, Clarence smiled and said, "Next time, I'm getting a smarter frog!"

[divyaashimix]

hey Thakur.........
boltey huey acchaa toh nahi lag rahaa....
but great work re.........
I really liked the quotations!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D ;)

[luckysd]

hey guys read dese beautiful lines


To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

[luckysd]

FRIENDS 4EVER


Sometimes in Life,
You find a special friend,
Someone who changes your life
Just by being a part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop.
Someone who makes you believes
that there is really good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that
there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open.
This is a Forever Friend.
When you're down.
And the world seems dark and empty,
your forever friend lifts you up in spirit
and makes that dark and empty world
suddenly seem bright and full.
Your Forever Friend gets you through
the hard times, the sad times,
and the confusing times.
If you turn and walk away,
Your Forever Friend follows.
If you lose your way,
Your Forever Friend guides you
and cheers you on.
Your Forever Friend holds you hand
and tells you that everything
is going to be okay.
And if you find such a friend,
you feel happy and complete,
because you need not worry.
You have a FOREVER FRIEND for life.
And forever has no end.

[divyaashimix]

Hey Lucky..
the quotations and the poem..
both are really touchy man!!!!!!!!
I really liked it a lot!!!!!!!!:D
THANKX for posting them.........:)

[luckysd]

Hey Lucky..
the quotations and the poem..
both are really touchy man!!!!!!!!
I really liked it a lot!!!!!!!!:D
THANKX for posting them.........:)
hey thanx divu.......and u r welcum also

[animateash]

hey Thakur.........
boltey huey acchaa toh nahi lag rahaa....
but great work re.........
I really liked the quotations!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D ;)
hey lekin mujhe yeh boltey huye achacha lagtra hai ke i loev u and tahnx

lvu ash

[animateash]

hey lucky gud oens

lvu ash

[luckysd]

hey lucky gud oens

lvu ash
thank u ash

[tukz]

hey lucky n ash gud 1ce

[tukz]

BITASTA..
is thread ka naam,
FUN N MASTI SEY TUKZ AND MASTI RAKH DENA CHAHIYE YARRR!!!!!!!!
duh-uh........
all your jokes rokkkk!!!!!!!!
ek sey badhkar ek rehtey hain sab!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
lol thnx divs

[tukz]

E N J O Y !!!


Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
the game went into extra time.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have
a scotch and soda."


Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card

[divyaashimix]

hey TUKZ.................
its really amazing mannn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
heheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................... .........
I just laughed like nething!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[animateash]

hey tukx awesoem luv ash

[animateash]

,



















DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,




His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,



"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"





"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
Cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
Agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to





Upload, we discovered that neither



One of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
Button."





"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message
Saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
Program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted
In her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared
And said:

[divyaashimix]

Hey thakur...........
that was great mann!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[animateash]

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license.
The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going
to take them for a ride for the first time.
Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted
driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of
sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming
boy to his father.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as
you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

[animateash]

Hey thakur...........
that was great mann!!!!!!!!!!!:D
hey tahxn u

lvua sh

[animateash]

>>> Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off
his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans,
decide that this guy's too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk
him home.
So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face.
They pick him up, and the guy's feet are dragging on the ground.
They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls
flat on his face.
They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the
stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his
door.
The guy's wife answers and says "Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back.
Where's his wheelchair?"

[divyaashimix]

>>> Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off
his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans,
decide that this guy's too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk
him home.
So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face.
They pick him up, and the guy's feet are dragging on the ground.
They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls
flat on his face.
They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the
stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his
door.
The guy's wife answers and says "Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back.
Where's his wheelchair?"
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........................... ..
dam kool man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!:)

[animateash]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........................... ..
dam kool man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!:)
thanx

luv ash

[divyaashimix]

thanx

luv ash
your welcome................:D

[animateash]

A Sardarji, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is
a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all
sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their
punishment. The Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and
she has aske me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." 1. The
German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie
a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only; lasted 10 lashes &
the German had to be carried away bleeding & crying with pain. 2. The
Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly:
"Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15
lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly. 3. The Sardarji
was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh ! tu! rned
to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your
culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20,
but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man,
you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. "And what is your second
wish, ?" the Sheik aasked. Sardarji smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to
my back"

[animateash]

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So

then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not
want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure

called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to

go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold
the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the

smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a

Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple
drove to
Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about
to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by
their
Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo

to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and
hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians

knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home,

lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began
to count with
his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he
paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the

other hand.

[animateash]

>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of a sister
>>>> Ask someone
>>>> Who doesn't have one.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of ten years:
>>>> Ask a newly
>>>> Divorced couple.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of four years:
>>>> Ask a graduate.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one year:
>>>> Ask a student who
>>>> Has failed a final exam.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of nine months:
>>>> Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one month:
>>>> Ask a mother
>>>> who has given birth to
>>>> A premature baby.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one week:
>>>> Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one hour:
>>>> Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one minute:
>>>> Ask a person
>>>> Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
>>>>
>>>> To realize
>>>> The value of one-second:
>>>> Ask a person
>>>> Who has survived an accident...
>>>>
>>>> To! realize
>>>> The value of one millisecond:
>>>> Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
>>>>
>>>> Time waits for no one.
>>>>
>>>> Treasure every moment you have.
>>>> You will treasure it even more when
>>>>
>>>> you can share it with someone special.
>>>>
>>>> To realize the value of a friend:
>>>> Lose one.
>>>>
>>>> The origin of this letter is unknown,
>>>> But it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
>>>> Do not keep this letter.
>>>>
>>>> Forward it to friends to whom you wish good luck
>>>>
>>>> Peace love and prosperity to

[divyaashimix]

hey Thankx Thakur...........
the quotations rokkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[animateash]

Professor at IIM was explaining marketing concepts:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.


You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"


That's Direct Marketing.





You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a


gorgeous girl.


One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at


you says, "He's very rich.Marry him."


That's Advertising.








You see a gorgeous girl at a party.


You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and


say "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."


That's Telemarketing.





You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten


your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for


her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,


"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"


That's Public Relations.





You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and


says,


"You are very rich.." That's Brand Recognition.





You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm


rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.


That's Customer Feedback !!!!!





You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am


very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband


That's demand and supply gap.





You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you


say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you
------------


she is your wife !


That's competition eating into your market share.

[divyaashimix]

hey Thakur....
its kool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[animateash]

hey Thakur....
its kool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D
tahnc a lto

lvu ash

[animateash]

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead
mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters.The dead
body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it.
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top addressed to her
brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you,since it was her wish that she should be
cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, could
not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside
the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler
chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On
Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the
sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for
Mohan. Just distribute the rest mong yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's
is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's
left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that
you asked for. Please take them off her.The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is
wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these
fairly.

[animateash]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will
be
the official language of the European Union rather than German, which
was
the
other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year
phase-in
plan
that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "S" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make
the
sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion,
and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome
"ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20%
shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to
reach
the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have
always
ben a
deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is
disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with
"z"
and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU
understand
ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze
forst
plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas zis on to oza pepl.

[divyaashimix]

hey Thakur....
that was a complicated one man!!!!!!!!
but I liked it.................:D :D

[tukz]

hey ash kul u rokkkkkkk n so ur jokes n all

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.



2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.



3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.



4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.



5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!



6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.



7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.



8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.



9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.



10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.



11. The average housefly lives for one month.



12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.



13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.



14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.



15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.



16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.



17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.



18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
Turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.



19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a
Gentleman" and "Tootsie."



20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.



21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
White paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.



22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same
Airplane, just in case there is a crash.



23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can
For a carburetor.



24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women
Who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.



25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.



26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.



Answers below...
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
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>> >
>> >
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>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >





They are all TRUE.... Now go back and think about #16!!!


JUST 1 QUESTION.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading...
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This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

NOW READ THIS:

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.


Winners Don't Do Different Things, They Do Things Differently

[animateash]

hey Thankx Thakur...........
the quotations rokkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey thanx a lot

lvu ash

[animateash]

hey Thakur....
that was a complicated one man!!!!!!!!
but I liked it.................:D :D
yeahhhhh even i found it difficult initially

luv ash

[animateash]

hey ash kul u rokkkkkkk n so ur jokes n all

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.



2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.



3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.



4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.



5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!



6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.



7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.



8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.



9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.



10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.



11. The average housefly lives for one month.



12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.



13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.



14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.



15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.



16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.



17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.



18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
Turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.



19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a
Gentleman" and "Tootsie."



20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.



21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
White paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.



22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same
Airplane, just in case there is a crash.



23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can
For a carburetor.



24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women
Who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.



25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.



26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.



Answers below...
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >





They are all TRUE.... Now go back and think about #16!!!


JUST 1 QUESTION.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading...
.
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This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

NOW READ THIS:

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.


Winners Don't Do Different Things, They Do Things Differently
hey tahxn a lot and kul one

luv ash

[tukz]

hey tahxn a lot and kul one

luv ash
ur mst welcum ash:)

[divyaashimix]

hey ash kul u rokkkkkkk n so ur jokes n all

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.



2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.



3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.



4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.



5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!



6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.



7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.



8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.



9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.



10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.



11. The average housefly lives for one month.



12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.



13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.



14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.



15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.



16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.



17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.



18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
Turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.



19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a
Gentleman" and "Tootsie."



20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.



21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
White paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.



22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same
Airplane, just in case there is a crash.



23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can
For a carburetor.



24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women
Who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.



25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.



26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.



Answers below...
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >





They are all TRUE.... Now go back and think about #16!!!


JUST 1 QUESTION.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading...
.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
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..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

NOW READ THIS:

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.


Winners Don't Do Different Things, They Do Things Differently

hey TUKZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[tukz]

hey TUKZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D
thnx a lot:o

[divyaashimix]

thnx a lot:o

your welcome !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tukz]

Here are some personalities who left India, who knows
when, in search of prosperity. These folks came from
various parts of Maharashtra & became renowned all
over the world. To augment their acceptability in the
west, they have adopted western names. Over the course
of many generations they have lost track of their
roots. But because of untiring efforts, we
rediscovered them & their origin... Presenting the
REAL MAHARASHTRIANS:
REAL NAME FROM ADOPTED NAME
Janya Banya Joshi Chiplun Jon Bon Jovi
Audumbar Agashe Ratnagiri Andre Agassi
Malati Hinginkar Hingane Martina Hingis
Damayanti More Malvan Demi Moore
Meghana Rane Malvan Meg Ryan
Arjun Shivajinagar Pune Arnold Schwarznegger
Devendra Gadage Panvel Darren Gough
Shevanti Dagadu Patil Kolhapur Sharon Stone
Sitaram Wagh Nagpur Steve Waugh
Shantaram Varne Latur Shane Warne
Janoba Rodke Nashik Jonty Rhodes
Purshottam Sapre Dindoshi Pete Sampras
Baal Ghate Alibaugh Bill Gates
Menaka Salvi Jalore Monica Seles
Vallabhrao Phutane Nevasa Vladimir Putin
Raju More Nashik Roger Moore
Barkya Borkar Pune Borris Becker
Atul Gore Mangoan Al Gore

[tukz]

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind and you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you
can't.


1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make
clockwise circles.


2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand.


YOUR FOOT WILL CHANGE DIRECTION ! . ! . !



I told you so.....And there's nothing you can do about it.

[tukz]

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while;
then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[tukz]

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red Porsche. So he decided to take his new Porsche on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new Porsche would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over. The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."

So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back." The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

[tukz]

Tutor to Santa: wat is u r father's name.
Sanat: BEAUTYFUL RED UNDERWEAR.
Tutor: R u joking?
Santa: NO SIR! MY FATHERS'S NAME IS "SUNDER LAL CHADDHA"

Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile.
Santa: Chal police ko de kar aate hain.
Banta: Agar koi bum raste main hi phat gaya to?
Santa: Jhoot bhol denge, ki 2 hi mile the.

SANTA going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan
nikle"
SANTA gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi tero. Meri to
behan hai"!

An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the
American exclaimed-- look a dead bird.
The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ??

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun

Santa Singh returned back from the cinema hall without watching the
cinema.what was the name of the cinema?
Ans:NO ENTRY

Santa : Which is the most painful delivery in world?
Banta : sunny deol ki maa ki.
Santa : woh kaise?
Banta : woh nikla gaddi le ke.....


Santa dials a number, A girl recieves the call
santa: who r u?
girl: sita
santa: maine to chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to
yeh to ayodhya mil gaya.

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.


SANTA : car me battery lagwane gaya, Mechanic ne poocha "EXIDE" ki
lagaun?
SANTA bole: yaar, bar-bar kaun ayega DONO SIDE KI LAGADE!

[tukz]

Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a

razor-blade."

"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you

done anything yet ?"

"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."

_____

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just

can't stop my hands

shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

_____

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the

violin after the operation?"

"Yes, of course..."

"Great! I never could before!"

_____

Man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife

is pregnant, and her

contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her

husband!"

_____

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad

news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad

news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results.

They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could

be WORSE? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since

yesterday.

_____

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill.

After the checkup the doctor comes

out with the results of the examination.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying

and you don't have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?"

the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks

desperately.

"10...9...8...7..."

_____

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a

cucumber up his nose, a

carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right

ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

_____

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of

pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the

woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor,

"be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index

finger and yelled, "Ow,

that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and

again yelled, "Ouch!

That

hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe,

"Ow, even THAT hurts",

she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment

and told her his

diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

[tukz]

Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy



==========================================



Whats the opposite of Real??



Its COCONUT....




kya hua.... Confused??





jara ....Socho...yaar ???




opposite of real is 'Na-Real' . in English it is
coconut

=========================================




what is the vector form of sridevi???? JJJJ ???
?
?
?
?

(u must have studied vector algebra to know its
answer)


ANS : - TABU!!!!

confused???? why????
.
.
.

.
ok i'l tell you...

.
.
.
. because.
.
.
.
.
.
. sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!

==========================================


What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants
to tell her to
call
him up...?

:

:

Ring De Basanti :))


=========================================

A dentist was examining a patient having a highly
contageous deadly
disease....
As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets
transferred to the
doctor... how??






scroll



...Because the patient had a bluetooth!!


=========================================


wat is one word in english for kiye karaye par paani
ferna??





flush!!




==========================================



three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly
one of them started
singing the song -- AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.

Few mins later, all the three cockroaches
died......any idea why?????







COZ the song is HIT......


==========================================


ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain... sab
log use "Hanuman"
keh
kar bulate hain... batao kyun???
.
.
.
.




ans:kyounki uska nam hanuman hai! JJ

==========================================



i'll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom?
our president....why
scroll down for answer .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

coz he is mr. a.P.J.abdul kalam



===========================================

[tukz]

Tere bistar par makdee lage.. Tere room mei muchchar phire.. Raat ko light chali jaye.. Puri raat garmi lage.. Tere sapne mein bhoot aaye.. Chal so jaa. Have a.. GOOD NIGHT
--------------

Life is Short, Live it!
Love is Small, Flirt it!
Troubles are Momentary, Face it!
Memories are Sweet, Cherish it!
I'm too Good, Accept it!
-------------

Aaj




Raat




Theek




12




Baje




ke




baad




1 bejega!!
-------------------

Tu chand mange main chand de du...

Tu raat mange main raat de du...

Tu dil mange main dil de du...

Tu jaan mange...




Bas yaar.....





Bheek mangne ki bhi ek limit hoti hai!!
-------------------

Yash Johar is producing a new film & is searching 4 new talent. I've suggested ur name. Pls go & meet him. The movie's name is "AKKAL HO NA HO"
-------------------

Dost kaha ho? Jaha ho wahi pe rehna. 3-4 ghante tak bahar mat nikalna. Tumhari jaan ko khatra hai! Bahar BANDAR pakadne wale ghoom rahe hai.
---------------

Baagon mein phool khilte rahenge...
Raat mein diye jalte rahenge...
Dua hai khuda se aap khush rahe hamesha...
Baaki hum tou hamesha tang karte rahenge!!!
-----------

Mein tumhe pyaar ke teen shabd kehna chahta hoon... woh teen shabd jo tumhare dil tak pahooch kar, tumhe gehraayi tak chhooh jaye. Yeh teen shabd mere dil se nikal kar, tumhara dil par zaroor chhah jayenge. Ab sunlo yeh pyaar ke teen shabd - "MERA BHARAT MAHAAN". (Jai Hind)
-------------

I always think about U.




I can't live without U.




I really need U.




I'm totally mad about U.




I just wanna be with U.




I'm very desperate for U.




I'm crazy 4 U.




I wanna marry U.




I LOVE U.




Aisa muje bajuwali kehti hai
------------

Its not an achievement 2 make 100 FRiENDS in a Year, but an achievement is 2 make a FRiEND for 100 Years, 'N' I know I've made ONE, that's . . . YOU !!
--------

Knock knock...



Any1 there?



Oh good,hi i have a delivery 4u...

()"""() ,@
( '(' ) ,@@@
=(,,)=("')@@@
(""),,,("") "@@
Roses specialy 4u...
-------------

Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it? >>> Date <<<
-------------

Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you... I wish that someday I'd dream about my
pillow and I'd be hugging you
---------

When u were born, u were crying and everyone round u was smiling.. Live ur life so that when u die, u're the one who is smiling and everyone round u is crying..
----------

aRe Ur LeGs TiReD? CoZ yoU'Ve BeEn RuNNiNg ThRoUgH My MiNd aLL DaY LoNg!
---------

Höld ä trüé frìénd wìth böth yöür händs, doñt lét gö 4 trüé frìend cömés öncé ìn ä lìfétìmé. Thåt's why ì'm höldìng yoü tight! Cänt lét Ü go
--------

If I had a single flower for every time I thought of you I could walk in my garden forever, never finding the end.
----------

Aaj kal mann kar raha hai ki main...



tumhe..



kabhi bhi mauka dekh kar..



sabke samne...





ek...



k



ki



kis



kiss



kissa sunau Ramayan wala.
--------------------

Without LOVE, dayz are "Saddy, Moanday,Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, Shatterday". So fall in Love...
-----------------

One day Friendship & Love met one-another. Love asked Friendship -"Why do U exist if I'm there?" So Friendship said -"To give a Smile to those eyes in which U leave Tears."
----------------

Love?
Its when U steal tears & still care for Her.
Its when She ignores U & U still Love Her.
Its when She begins to Love another & U still Smile.
---------------

Roses 4 u-Rs.10
Cards 4 u-Rs.25
Movie 4 u-Rs.99
Lunch 4 u-Rs.250
but a friend like u - PRICELESS!

Abey ped pe mat chadh. Priceless yane "BHANGAAR".
----------

if
u
need
ADVICE



MSG ME


if
u
need
a FRIEND


CALL ME


if
u
need
HELP



E-MAIL ME


if
u
need
MONEY
The number u dailed is not in service pls don't try again
---------------

A Rose...
/,) ,-,'),
======/==:', '(@)
'0 '-'; )'
eXclusively
for a nice
person
l!ke U!!


From an even NICER person like me !
--------------

Zindagi mein jo cheeze aasani se milti hai...


PAISA


Jo mushkil se mile...



KHUSHI


Aur jo sirf bade nasib wale ko hi mile...


?


?



?


?
APUN KA sms

[tukz]

One day while returning to my desk after a routine call, one of our female employees flagged me down and asked for help.

"My floppy drive won't work, can you help me?"

I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.

While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and digging out the plastic,
I noticed two guys in the corner of the office trying awful hard to keep a straight face.

Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

"Oh, you mean the condom!"

"Condom???"

"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses"

By this point John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve.

I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, then she asked in a dead-serious voice:

"Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either?"

[tukz]

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy pointed his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.

"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

[tukz]

This is a joke that is really funny and it works!]
An old lady walked into a Grocery Store.
She wanted to buy the best dog food in the world for her little puppy.
She went up to the cash register to buy the food.
The sales-lady told her that the store did not allow old ladies to buy
animal food unless they show the actual animal because a lot of old ladies
like to eat the animal food themselves.
So the old lady went home, got her dog and went back to the store to buy her
dog food.
The next day she came back to buy the best cat food around But the Saleslady
told her the same thing, so the old lady went back home and brought her cat
to the Grocery Store to buy the cat food.
The next day the old lady went to the Grocery Store again carrying a big
container. She went up to the sales lady and said, "Put your hand inside
here". The Saleslady shook her head. "NO", she said, "there is probably
something in there that will bite me!" "I promise you that there is nothing
in here that will bite you". the old lady said. So the Saleslady stuck her
hand inside the container and screamed.
To find out what was inside the container you must send this to at least 10
people, when it says, your mail has been sent...instead of clicking OK, hit
ALT-8 and the container will pop up on your screen.

[style_ashitia]

hey tukz these jokes r super rockingggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[divyaashimix]

hey TUKZ!!!!!!!!!!
the joke roxxxxxxx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D

[abhilasha]

HEY BHAGGU,
THE JOKES R SIMPLY ROCKING!!!!!!!!!1:D
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!1;)

[tukz]

divya,ruhi,abhilasha thnx a lot :D


X............x............x




Aap ke haath mein Mobile hai,
Chehray pe khoob Smile hai,
Msgs ki achi khasi File hai,
Phir bhi sms nahi karte ho,
Ye kon as STYle hai




X............x............x




Roshni deker doob jana koi suraj se seekhey..
Dil deker dard Lena ki Ada koi humse seekhey..
Kuch na deker Dil Lena koi unse seekhey..
SMS leker REPLY na kerna koi Appse seekhey




X............x............x




Kya leke aye they,
Kya lekar jaoge,
Mujhe SMS na karke,
Zalim kitne Paise Bachaoge!




X............x............x




*Meri taraf say apko 1 "PAPPI "
Apki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Saheli ki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Batau Q?
Aaj hi mere "DOGGY" NE 10 " PAPPI" ko janam dia hai!




X............x............x




Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
So make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!




X............x............x




Meri yaad aye: yaad karo.
Zyada aye : sms Karo.
Ussey zyada aye : phone karo
Ussey bhi zyada aye to millo
Ager ussey bhi zyada aaye to ..
Plz jhoot bolna band karo




X............x............x




Kya ker rahay ho?
Bussy ho?
Kitna bussy ho?
Ager kum ho to message kyun nahi karte ho?
Ager ziyada ho to message kyun pad rahy ho ?




X............x............x




Sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms, sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,sms,
Kya aap ko kisi nay aaj tak itnay sms bheje hain?




X............x............x




Days are 2 Busy, Hours are 2Fast, Seconds are 2 Few But there's always Time for Me 2 disturb You




X............x............x




Jam kadwa hai magar itna nahi ki pia na jaye,
Zindagi main dard hai magar itna nahi ki jia na jaye,
Sms karny per paise lagty hain
Magar itney nahi ki kia na jaye;)




X............x............x

[tukz]

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal doon.



Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW




_________________________________________________







Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one scooter & a traffic cop tried to stop them.



Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul bhi jagah nahin hai




_________________________________________________







Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?



Santa: Ji aap hi NE bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am




_________________________________________________







Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein dus ve number pe tha




_________________________________________________







Jeeto: Dekho who admi mujhe ghoor-ghoor ke dekh raha hai.



Santa: Who to kabadia hai, raddi pe nazar rakhna uski aadat hai




_________________________________________________







Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai




_________________________________________________







Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?



Santa: Oye tenuh he vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI




_________________________________________________







Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister




_________________________________________________







Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!



Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?




_________________________________________________







Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.



Pappu: Haan papa, chalo Maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.




_________________________________________________







Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!



Santa: Why don't u cook something else.




________________________________________________







Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Santa: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.




_________________________________________________







Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?



Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM




_________________________________________________







Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar NE poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.




_________________________________________________







Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.




_________________________________________________







Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?




_________________________________________________







A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu at nahi hai ji, tainu hai at lipat ja...




_________________________________________________







At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe NE?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.




_________________________________________________







Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"







_________________________________________________

[tukz]

1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen Le beti kuch to pehan Le!








_______________________________








Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono NE kapde tyag diye,
Ek NE desh ke liye,
Doosre NE Deshwasion ke liye!







_______________________________








Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai








_______________________________







Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'as Law' kehta hai?








_______________________________








Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
Rupaye fase huye hain.







_______________________________








Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
Na apne bachchon ko karne denge.








_______________________________








What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!







_______________________________








What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi.







_______________________________








FOOL se, FOOL NE,
FOOLon ki FOOLwari me
FOOL ke sath wish kiya '
You are the most beautiFOOL,
ColorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS







_______________________________











A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.



What did they named them?



They named them as 'Jo-Jua ', ' So-Hua'







________________________________








What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah? Wow! New Underwear ..







__________________________________











Paani mein Whiskey milao at nasha chadta hai.



Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.



Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.



Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

[tukz]

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight"
came from!


The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law that
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your
thumb.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honeymoon."

[tukz]

Numeric
:-0 hbtu 0-:happy birthday to you
@WRK At work
2bctnd to be continued.
2d4to die for
2g4uto good for you
2Ht2HndlToo hot to handle.
2l8too late
2WIMCTo whom it may concern
4eforever
4yeo for your eyes only

A
AAM As a matter of fact.
AB Ah Bless!
ADctd2uv Addicted to Love
AFAIK As far as I know
AKA Also known as
ALlWanIsU All I want is You
AML All my love
ASAP As soon as possible
ATB All the best
ATW At the weekend
AWHFY Are we having fun yet

B
B4 Before
BBFN Bye Bye for now.
BBS Be back soon
BBSD Be back soon darling
BCNU Be seein' you
BF Boy Friend
BGWM Be gentle with me (please)
BRB Be right back
BTW By the way


C
Cld9? Cloud 9?
Cm Call me
Cu See you
CUIMD See you in my dreams
Cul See you later
CUL8R See you later

D
Dk Don't know
Dur? Do you remember

E
E2eg Ear to ear grin
EOD End of discussion
EOL End of lecture

F
F? Friends
F2F face to face
F2T Free to talk
FITB Fill in the Blank
FYEO For your eyes only.
FYA For your amusement
FYI For your information

G
GF Girlfirend.
GG Good Game
GMeSumLuvin Give me some lovin’!
Gr8 Great
GSOH Good Salary, Own Home
GTSY Glad to see you

H
h2cus Hope to see you soon
H8 Hate
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HldMeCls Hold me close
Ht4U Hot for You
H&K Hugs and Kisses

I
IDK I dont know
IGotUBabe Ive got you Babe
IIRC If I recall correctly
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMI I mean it
ILU I love You
IMBLuv It must be Love
IOW In other words...
IOU I owe you
IUSS If you say so

J
J4F just for fun
JFK Just for kicks
JstCllMe Just call Me

K
KC keep cool
KHUF know how you feel
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips

L
L8 Late
L8r Later
Lol laughing out loud
LTNC Long time no see
LtsGt2gthr Lets get together

M
M$ULkeCrZ Miss you like Crazy!
M8 mate
MC merry Christmas
MGB May God Bless
Mob Mobile
MYOB Mind your own Business

N
NA No access
NC No comment
NE Any
NE1 Anyone
No1 No-One
NWO No way out

O
O4U only for you
OIC Oh, I see.
OTOH On the other hand

P
PCM Please call me
PPL People

Q
QT Cutie

R
R Are
RMB Ring my Bell
ROTFL Roll on the floor laughing
RU? Are you?
RUOK? Are you Ok?

S
SC Stay cool
SETE Smiling Ear to Ear
SO Significant Other
SOL sooner or later
SME1 Some One
SRY Sorry
SWALK Sent with a loving Kiss
SWG Scientific Wild Guess

T
T+ Think positive
T2ul Talk to you later
TDTU Totally devoted to you
Thx Thanks
T2Go Time to Go
TIC Tounge in Cheek
TMIY Take me Im yours
TTFN Ta ta for now.

U
U You
UR Y ou are
URT1 Your are the one


V
VRI Very

W
W4u Waiting for you
WAN2 Want to
WLUMRyMe Will you marry Me?
WRT With respect to
WUWH Wish you were here

X
X! Typical Woman
X Kiss
XclusvlyUrs Exclusively Yours
Y
Y! Typical Man
YBS You’ll be Sorry

Z

SMS Meaning
:-) Smiley
(-: Also smiling
:) Smiling without a nose
:' ) Happy and crying
:-( ) Smiling with mouth open
8-) Smiling with glasses
[:-) Smiling with walkman
:-)8 Smiling with bow tie
{:-) Smiling with hair
d:-) Smiling with cap
C|:-) Smiling with top hat
(:-) Smiling with helmet
:-)= Smiling with a beard
&:-) Smiling with curls
#:-) Smiling with a fur hat
:-D Laugher
;-) Twinkle
;) Twinkle, without nose
:-* Kiss
@}--\-,--- A rose
:-( Sad
:( Sad, without nose
:'-( Crying
:-c Unhappy
:-|| Angry
:-(0) Shouting
:-< Cheated
>:-( Very angry




SMS Meaning
:-O Wow
:-| Determined
:-* Bitter
O :-) An angel
:-9 Salivating
:-|/:-I No face/poker face
:-<> Surprised
%-6 Not very clever
:-( ) Shocked
:-~) Having a cold
:-o zz Bored
:-\ Sceptical
: @ Shouting
:-o Appalled
:-X Not saying a word
|-I Sleeping
|-O Snoring
%-} Intoxicated
:-v Talking
:-w Talking with two tongues
B-) Sunglasses
B:-) Sunglasses on head
8:-) Glasses on head
{:-) Toupee
}:-( Toupee blowing in the wind
=|:-)= Uncle Sam
<:-| Monk / Nun
:^) Broken nose
-:-) Punk
@:-) Using a turban
:=) Two noses
:-# Razes
<|-) Chinese
:-{) With a moustache
:-{} Lip stick
:-? Smoking a pipe

[tukz]

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*-

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on

the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
*-

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today

that we didn't

have ten years ago.

WILLY: Me!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you

are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting

insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the

alphabet."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the

sameday

sametime."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his

father's Cherry

tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why

his father didn't

punish him?"

Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his

hand."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are

wearing, one is green and

one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair

of thesame at

home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

At a church school gathering, one little old lady

approached a cute

5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good

looks.

"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl,

"'cause Mommy's

still got hers."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a

donkey and stopped him,

what virtue would I be showing?

Student: Brotherly love.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers

before eating?

Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is

exactly the same as

your brother's. Did u copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

> The famous question... "Why did the chicken cross
the road ?" when put
> before a few Indian personalities(?)...Well...this
is what they Zimply
> had to say.....
>
> Question: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
>
> Azharuddin:"I am totally innocent, you know, I'm
unnecessarily being
> dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the
minority..... I
> neither know the chicken nor the road, you
know...."
>
> Deve Gowda:"zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....mmmm...mm... chicken
??? Thanks, I'll have
> it later !! mm.. snooore........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
>
> Fernandes:"I am deeply hurt that this question is
being asked after my 40
> clean years of public life. I don't own a house,
or a car, leave alone
> a chicken !!!"
>
> Mulayam:"I demand a 50% reservation of the road for
the chicken class,
> so that they can cross the road freely without
their motives being
> questioned"
>
> Abdul Kalam:"Yes, why did the chickens cross the
road? ... please tell me
> why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of
the road... now
> repeat after me ...."
>
> Advani:"I see the hands of Pakistan in this ..."
>
> Vatal Nagaraj:"No Tamil or outside chickens will be
allowed to cross our
> roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga
chickens!".
>
> Bal Thackrey:"Chickens crossing the roads is
against our culture, my
> followers (goondas) will stone all such chickens
which cross the
> road".
>
> Jayalalitha:"From reliable sources I've got the
information that the
> chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his
chicken cross the
> road to create law & order problems. The chicken
has now been imprisoned
> under POTO".
>
> Mamta Baneerji:"Ib I'm made Union Railbay minstaar,
I bill chee that
> chickans will trable by train... no cross road
anymoore!".
>
> A.K Antony:"Zimmmmply! ...that's a question you
should ask
> Karunakuran..Heee, heee."
>
> Amitabh Bhachan:"The chicken has crossed the
road?.. are you sure.. very
> sure ... really sure..."
>
> Sonia Ghandhi:"That the chicken crossed the road
clearly demonstrates the
> fact that the people and chicken have lost
confidence in the
> Government. The Government should own moral
responsibility and
> resign!!!"
>
> Venkata Naidu:"We are very sure of the fact that
the chicken did not
> cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress
to bring the
> Government down. The poor chicken has been made a
scapegoat in this whole
> issue"
>
> Surjeet:"We are adopting a wait and watch policy.
We have convened a
> meeting of the third front today. We will decide the
future course of
> action after the chicken comes back.."
>
> Menaka Gandhi:"Chicken crossed the road alone...!!
If a vehicle had passed
> over it, we would have lost one of our dearest
creature. Ban all
> vehicles from using the road. Protect our
chickens..."
>
> Salman Khan:"I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was
not intentional ... It
> was accidental (Hic!)...... you're now asking this
question to me only
> because I'm a celebrity(Hic!)".
>
> Abu Salem:"Hmmm delicious chicken ... Monica
darling want a bite ... now
> what was that question!?"
>

2) If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!



4) Married life is very frustrating. in
the first year of marriage, the
Hubby speaks and the wife listens. In
the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens. In the third
year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

5) A couple came upon a wishing well. The
husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife decided
to make a wish, too. But she
leaned over too much, fell into the
well, and drowned. The husband was
stunned for a while but then smiled "It
really works!"

6) A man said his credit card was stolen
but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less
than his wife did.

7) First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

8) A couple was having a discussion about
family finances. Finally the
husband exploded, "If it weren't for my
money, the house wouldn't be
here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if
it weren't for your money, I
wouldn't be here."

9) Before marriage, a man yearns for the
woman he loves. After marriage,
the "y" becomes silent.

10) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy,
how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I
don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

11) Women are unpredictable. Before
marriage, she expects a man, after
marriage she suspects him, and after
death she respects him.

12) There was this guy who told his woman
that he loved her so much that he
would go thru hell for her. They got
married - and now he is going thru hell.

13) A man inserted an 'ad' in the
classifieds : "Wife wanted". Next day, he
received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing : "You can have mine."

14) When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the
wife is.......

15) A man received a letter from some
kidnappers. The letter said, "If you
don't promise to send us $100,000, we
promise you we will kidnap your
wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am
afraid I can't keep my promise
but I hope you will keep yours."

[tukz]

A man placed some flowers on the grave
of his dearly departed mother
and started back toward his car when
his attention was diverted to
another man kneeling at a grave. The
man seemed to be praying
with profound intensity and kept
repeating, "Why did you have to die?
Why did you have to die?" The
first man approached him and said,
"Sir, I don't wish to interfere with
your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain is more than I've
ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."


hi all,

A sardar standin on the 4th floor was looking out of the window when
a man from another building screamed out "santa!your daughter ran of
with your driver", the sardar was so upset that he jumped out off the
window. When he reached the 3rd floor he realized that he had never
hired a driver. When he reached the 2nd floor he realized he did'nt
have a daughter. When he reached the first floor he realized that his
name was not santa. Boom!




St thief : oh ! the police is here. Quick! jump out of the window!
2nd thief : but this is the 13th floor.
St thief?? : hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Cheating. How does a sardar cheat the railways?? he buys the ticket
but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!

Sardarji & telugu one day a sardarji talking with his friend.
Sardarji: we have to learn telugu within 6 months or we will not be
able to communicate with my child.
Friend: is it! why?
sardarji: we have adopted a telugu child,it will start to speak
after 6 mths

One day evening a sardarji starts from office to home with pushing
his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way. Friend: why are
you pushing your scooter manually? sardarji: 'i forgot to bring the
scooter key from my home. Friend: 'is it! how did you come to office
from home in the morning sardarji: 'i was pushing my scooter from
home to office also in the morning
Joke Of The Day:
A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with
million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband
cautioned, "Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of
those windows it'll cost us a fortune to repair". Of course, she
tee'd off and promptly shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed,"I warned you to
watch out! Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how
much that lousy drive is going to cost us." They walked up, knocked
on the door, and a warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened
the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique
bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on
the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?" "Uh
yeah, we're sure sorry about that" the husband replied. "Oh, no
apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a
genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now
that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give
you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow,
that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No
problem", said the genie, "You've got it, it's the least I can
do." "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie
asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world" she said. "Consider it done." the genie
said. "And now," the couple both asked in unison,"what's your wish,
genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't
been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with
your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you
know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you
think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know,
you're right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind." The
genie and the woman went upstairs. Both satisfied each other, and
afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and
asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35" she
responded breathlessly. "No shit! Thirty-five years old and both of
you still believe in genies?

[tukz]

I was born intelligent -
Education ruined me.

.................................................. .............


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
So why practice?

.................................................. ................


If it's true that we are here to help others,
Then what exactly are the others here for?

.................................................. ............


Since light travels faster than sound,
People appear bright until you hear them speak.

.................................................. ..........


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.................................................. ................


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

.................................................. ...........
If your father is a poor man,
It is your fate but,
If your father-in-law is a poor man,
It's your stupidity.

.................................................. ......



Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

.................................................. ............


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
Life.

.................................................. .....


The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.

.................................................. ......


Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

.................................................. ......


Never put off the work till tomorrow
What you can put off today.

.................................................. ................


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

.................................................. ...........


There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

.................................................. .........


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

.................................................. ............


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

.................................................. ...........


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

.................................................. ........


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. Why learn.


.................................................. ......

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
What more can I say........

[tukz]

Hi Frnds

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, deosn't mttaer it inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, theolny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghitpclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter byistlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and We awlyas thought that slpeling was ipmorantt..

[luckysd]

I was born intelligent -
Education ruined me.

.................................................. .............


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
So why practice?

.................................................. ................


If it's true that we are here to help others,
Then what exactly are the others here for?

.................................................. ............


Since light travels faster than sound,
People appear bright until you hear them speak.

.................................................. ..........


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.................................................. ................


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

.................................................. ...........
If your father is a poor man,
It is your fate but,
If your father-in-law is a poor man,
It's your stupidity.

.................................................. ......



Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

.................................................. ............


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
Life.

.................................................. .....


The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.

.................................................. ......


Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

.................................................. ......


Never put off the work till tomorrow
What you can put off today.

.................................................. ................


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

.................................................. ...........


There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

.................................................. .........


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

.................................................. ............


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

.................................................. ...........


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

.................................................. ........


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. Why learn.


.................................................. ......

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
What more can I say........
hey tukz dat was really nice......it made me laugh a lot

[luckysd]

hey guys wat if d Titanic was made in India
..... 1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain
3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"
4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die on the first dip
5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson
6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
7) Himesh Reshammiya could not use his nose to sing as his nose would be running due to the cold weather condition.
And last but not least
8) More Than Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for SC/ST/OBC

[evilseye]

Hey guyz!!Cool jokes man!!

Tukz,Awesome ones!!

Lucky,cool yaar.....especially that last line......that Sc St wala.........:D Ha ha...

Luv
Sur

[animateash]

tukz and lucky awesoem re

lvu ash

[tukz]

hey guys wat if d Titanic was made in India
..... 1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain
3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"
4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die on the first dip
5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson
6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
7) Himesh Reshammiya could not use his nose to sing as his nose would be running due to the cold weather condition.
And last but not least
8) More Than Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for SC/ST/OBC


hehe:D dat was really gud specially d last 1hehe......

This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don't
always manage to do.


I am thankful...

1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep
with me and not with someone else.



2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes,
because that means she is at home & not on the streets.



3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.


4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have
been surrounded by friends.


5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.


6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the
sunshine.


7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning
because it means I have a home.

8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it
means that we have freedom of speech.


9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.


10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means
that I can hear.

11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have
clothes to wear.

12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been capable of working hard.


13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am still alive.

[tukz]

hey thnx evry1

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2
Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything
else with you in the boat? How will you do it?










Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette
another deadly answer. Scroll down a little
.
..
..
..
..


Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
..
..
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If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down








Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"
...........................
...........................
.............................

[tukz]

>> A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway.
>>
>>After great efforts they all managed to cross it. One of the little
ones yells out happily-"Wow....after so much efforts, all 5 of us
managed to cross"....
>>
>>
>>
>>Qn. Why does the little one say "all 5 of us" ????
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Think a little bit & & . Its easy !
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>/
>>
>>
>>
>> ANS : BACHCHE HAIN!!!! KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN
........!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

[tukz]

. The FEMALE always makes the rules.
2. The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.
3. No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.
5. The FEMALE is never wrong.
6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
7. The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
9. The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.
10. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.
14. The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!
15. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
16. The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.
17. The MALE must be ready at ALL times.

[tukz]

2 GOOD
Why amitabh admited in Lilavati Hospital..


DO YOU KNOW ?????? .. coz of Santa Singh





With Santa Singh

The Story So Far...
Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend". Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next...

Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par...
Santa Singh gets Tense...

Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your options are...


Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]
But Santa is surprisingly still confused...
Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai... 50-50 and phone a friend. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.
Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure.
Amitabh Bachchan: Not sure, Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50...
Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye...
Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:



Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline...
Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend...
Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!?
Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga...

Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel ]...
Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"

Jaya Bachchan: What are the options !?!?

Hearing this Santa Singh faints too...

[luckysd]

thanx every1 4 liking it

[luckysd]

Simple Friends vs. Real Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after u've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A simple friend will read and throw this letter away.
A real friend will keep sending it until he's sure it's been Received.

Pass this on to anyone you care about...
if you get it back you have found your true friends

[divyaashimix]

Simple Friends vs. Real Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after u've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A simple friend will read and throw this letter away.
A real friend will keep sending it until he's sure it's been Received.

Pass this on to anyone you care about...
if you get it back you have found your true friends

hey LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is something really very nice...............
I just loved it re..............................
everything was very true man!!!!!!!!
THANKX for posting it..............:D

[tukz]

Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has
changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa falls in luv with a nurse...After much
thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu,
while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
************************************************** ********************
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
************************************************** ********************
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
************************************************** *********************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
************************************************** ********************
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
************************************************** *********************
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
************************************************** *********************
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: No, u'll die b'coz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
************************************************** *********************
Q: A Man a sked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
************************************************** ********************
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
************************************************** ********************
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
************************************************** ********************
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
************************************************** ********************
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever
- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
************************************************** ********************
Santa (reading from book of facts):
"Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

[tukz]

Coincidence

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and
ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says,

"How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says
the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,

"What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years
all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized
eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become
fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

How to save the airlines

Here's an outstanding Idea!

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What
the hell - the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't
even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least
triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.

And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again,
hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus
saving even more money Hell, I suspect tips would be so good that we could
charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips,
including lap dances and "special services."

The terrorists would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked
women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would
see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it
right - a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do
everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Baghdad

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first

round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices 3
buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.

They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Saddam presses the first button.

A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the
face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes

out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries
on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2
countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out
and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he
can't do much else but say "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll

finish these talks in two weeks!"

Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. Asthe 2 men
sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for

the American's revenge.

They begin talking and Saddam is uncooperative, Bush presses the first
button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers.

A few seconds later, as Hussein continues his belligerence, Bush presses the

second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with
laughter.

As things progress, then the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again,

and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

[tukz]

A husband takes her wife to play her first game of Golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed : I wanted u 2 b very careful ! now we'll have to go up there and find the owner ,apologize and see how much his house drive is going to cost us…

So the couple waked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said " Come on in". when the saw the damage that was done. Glass was over the place and broke antique bottle.

A man asked the couple "are you the same people that broke my window??"

"oh yes sir, we are sorry about that" the hubby replied.



"oh ,No apology is necessary .Actually I want to thank you .u c I m Genie and I've trapped in the that bottle for thousands year. Now that you have released me. you can ask me 3 wishes. but if you don't mind I'll keep last it for me.



"Wow that's gr8!"the husband Said .he Pondered and blurted out : I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life"



"No Problem", Said the Genie. You have got it, it's the least I can do 4 u and I guarantee u a long health life.



"And now you, young lady, What do you want?" the genie asked." I'd like to own the biggest house complete with servants in every country" she said.



Its done, genei Said. And your home will be always safe from the burglary and natured disaster. Now the couple asked "what's your wish, genie?"



Climax starts now



"Well, Since I have been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousands years, my wish is to be with your wife.



The husband looked at her wife and said "honey ,you know we both have a fortune and all those houses". what do you think??



She mulled it over few moments and said "you know, you are right ,considering our good fortune." I wouldn't mind it but what about you honey.



"you know I love you sweet heart "Said the husband "I 'd do the same 4 u".



So the genie and the woman went upstairs when they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.Genei was insatiable

After about 3 hrs of non stop fun the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked " How old are you and your husband??"



Why?? We are both 35,she replied breathlessly.



Really??? Thirty – five years old and both of you still believe in Genie's?

[tukz]

A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large
Building. The

Second man is puffing away, one cigarette after
Another.



The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how
You chain-smoke.



How many packs do you smoke a day?"



"Four."



"How long have you been smoking?"



"Thirty years."



"That's over forty thousand packs. Why, if you didn't
Smoke, you could

Have saved enough money to buy this building."



The smoker takes a deep puff and says, "Do you smoke?"



"Never."



"Do you own this building?"



"No."



"Well, I do."

[tukz]

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

[tukz]

Joke of the Day:

A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart's
birthday, so he went to an expensive boutique, bought the
finest gloves available and asked the saleswoman to have
them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves,
a clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of
panties instead.

Here is the note the young man sent to his sweetheart:


Darling,

I chose these, because I noticed that you are not in the habit
of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have
chosen long ones with buttons, but because your sister
wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided
to get the same style for you.

Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them
from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks
and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them
on for me and they looked really smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first
time. No doubt many other hands will touch them before I
see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in
them before putting them away as they will naturally be
a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on while
cleaning them so they don�t shrink. Just think how many
times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you
like them and will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love.


P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little
fur showing.Joke of the Day:

A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart½s
birthday, so he went to an expensive boutique, bought the
finest gloves available and asked the saleswoman to have
them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves,
a clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of
panties instead.

Here is the note the young man sent to his sweetheart:


Darling,

I chose these, because I noticed that you are not in the habit
of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have
chosen long ones with buttons, but because your sister
wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided
to get the same style for you.

Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them
from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks
and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them
on for me and they looked really smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first
time. No doubt many other hands will touch them before I
see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in
them before putting them away as they will naturally be
a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on while
cleaning them so they don�t shrink. Just think how many
times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you
like them and will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love.


P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little
fur showing.

[tukz]

tanhai mein apki yaad aayi,tanhai mitane ko humne 1 cigrate sulgai,par jane kaise qayamat ho gayee ke dhooey ne bhi apki tadvir banayee.

Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho.. itna kaatil kaise sharma lete ho.. kitni aasani se JAAN le lete ho.. kisine sikhaya hai ya bachpan se hi kamine ho!!

Arz kiya hai, Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge, Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge, Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge, Ghanti bajainge aur bhaag jayenge !

Aahat si koi aye to lagta hai ki tum ho. Hawa koi lehrayi to lagta hai ki tum ho. Ab tum hi batao, kya tum kisi BHOOT se kam ho ?

Maine poocha chand se... Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa hasin..... Chand bola.... 12036 entries found !

Arz kiya hai, Door se dekha to sntra tha, pass jake dekha to sntra tha, chil ke dekha to bhi sntra tha, Khake dekha to bhi sntra tha. Wah kya sntra tha !

Jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi, jise pyaar kiya woh Italy chali gayi. Khudkhushi karne chala, Zalim bijali ko haath lagaya, Bijali hi chali gayi.

Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha. Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha. Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki.... sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!

Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye. Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye. Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae. Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mera thanda ho jae.

Ikhtiyarre tabbasum ki lau ko tarranume numayish se aghaa dena... Jo iska matlab samajh aaye to please mujhe bhi bata dena.....

Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intzar, phir-takrar, phir-darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar !

Tohar chehra moti ke saman, Tohar chehra moti ke saman, Tohar chehra moti ke saman, Tohar chehra moti ke saman, Moti hamar kutte ka naam !

Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote, Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote, chand to tum ho hi, sitare bhi saath hote!!

Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga, mein thehra raha, zamin chalne lagi, sajna kya yehi pyaar hai ?? Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai ! BHAAG !

Osama Bin Laden's favourite song : " mainnikla, plane leke, o raste mein, newyork mein, ik mod ayamein W.T.C. tod aaya... "

Jab Jab tum angdai lete ho dam hamara nikal jata hai. Aye Jalim Deodrant lagane me tumhara kya jata hai ?!

unki gali se guzar rahe the kya ittefaq tha, unki gali se guzar rahe the kya ittefaq tha, unhoon ne phool phainka par gamla bhi saath tha !

Hasna hamara kisi ko gawara nahi hota , hur musafir zindagi ka sahara nahi hota ,milte hai bahut log is tanha zindagi me ,pur koi dost tumsa pyara nahi hota.

Ek Ladka Ladki ... aha !!Raat Ke Andhere me ... aha !!Jhaadi ke piche ... aha !!Daba Daba ke ... aha !!Chus Chus ke ... aha !!FROOTI pe rahe the ... aha !! ;-))

Yeh jo ladkiyon ke baal hote hain,Ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hain,Khoon chus leti hain ladkon ka sara, tabhi toh inke Honth (lips) laal hote hain.

Wife : Agar Mai mar jaun to tum kya karoge ?Husband : Shayad mai mar jaunga.Wife : kyon ?Husband : Kabhi Kabhi zyada Khushi janleva hoti hai.

It must have been a very rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't rain, it was the sky who was crying bcoz it lost its most beautiful star and that was you.

Its not an achievement to make 100 Friends in a Year, but an achievement is to make a FRIEND for 100 years, n I know I've made ONE, that U.

Friends Come &amp; Go.... me ?? NEVER !!I'll stay and trouble you as long as I Can. ;-))The Ants are behind You !! Why ???Bcoz you are so sweet :-).

A sweeter smile, A brighter day, Hope everything turns out great for you today !!Good Morning, Have a Nice Day.

Do you like me as I am or do I have to pray GOD to ... Improve your taste ;-)).

Positive thinking is like this.A little bird in the sky, U look up n it shits in ur eye &amp; u dont cry.U just thank GOD that Cows dont fly.

GALILEO: Great Mind.EINSTEIN: Genius Mind.NEWTON : Extraordinary Mind.BILL GATES: Brilliant Mind.ME : Master Mind.YOU : Never Mind.

She came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touced me, she bit, sucked, swalloed, when she was satisfied, she left, I was hurt... stupid Mosquito.

kismat kismat ki baat haiaaj din to kal kali raat haikabhi dhoop to kabhi barsat haiyeh message ka silsila yunhi chalta rahega jab tak free sms ka saath hai.

Anewala Pal Jaane Wala Hai,Anewala Pal Jaane Wala Hai,Jitne Ho Sake Utne Sms Bhejdalo.Ek Mahine Baad Phir Se Charge Lagnewala Hai.

Barsenge Barsenge Kal Phir SMS barsenge,Tumhari Lakhon Muskaan Ke Khatir,Hum Dedh Rupiya Bhi Karchenge.

Darde Dil Mein Gam Ki Kaliyan Khilti Hain, Ab To Tanhayi Aksar Humse Milti Hai,Aapne Bandh Kiya Jabse SMS Karna, Mobile Ki Battery Jyada Chalti Hai.

Voices by different countries women during sex...USA : Yeah.....Yeah....UK : C'mon baby.....India: Uyi Maa...Pak : Bhai Jaan....Dhirese..Ammi Jag Jyegi...

Zandu Balm,Zandu Balm,Gote karde Jam,Lund ki Khujli Dur Kare,**** ko De Aaram,Zandu Balm, Zandu Balm..

Miranda Condom: Zor ka Jhatka Dhire Se LageMRF Condom: Extra Rubber Extra MilageMOOV Condom: Aah se Aaha TakIODEX Condom: Andar Tak Jaye Aaram Dilaye

Miya aur bibi me bhayanak jhagda ho gaya.Miya gusse se titmilata hua chillaya- gaand maar doonga!!!Bibi boli:"Aage ki to sochte nahin, bus peeche pade rehte ho.."

Once a elephant asked a camel:"Why do u have boobs on ur back?"Camel replied:"thats a ****ing good question from someone with a dick on his face."

Laloo bada chalak hai, 9 bacho ka baap hai,loloo bada nirala hai,Daswe aanewala hai,ye andar ki baat hai, isme atal ka haath hai....

Zindagi mein tum bahut AAGE jaooge....kyunki tum jahan bi jaaoge,log kahenge....................chal chal......AAGE jaa!!

Maine poocha chandse ke dekha hein kahin,mere yaar sahaseen,Chand na kaha," Gandu!!! Itane upar se kya GHANTA dikhega?"

Dosti karo collegewali se,Pyar karo officewali se,Programme karo padoswali se,Ankh ladao sali se,love karo dil wali se,aur maar khao Gharwali se....

Bekabu hai dil firbhi jiye ja raha hu,khali hai botal firbhi piye ja raha hu,majburi to dekho is dil ki,reply nahin milta,firbhi SMS kiye ja raha hu..

Every morning U R the 1st thing that come 2 my mind. I wish I would start my day with U in my Bed. I Love Ur Feel to my Lips. U just make
my day. I Love You. NESCAFE :))

When I C the moon I C U, When I C the stars I C U, when I C the Sea I C U, get out of the way you are blocking my view.

People Live.. People Die.. People Laugh.. People Cry.. Some Give Up.. Some Will Try.. Some Say Hi.. Some Say Bye.. Others mayforget U but... Never Shall I ;;)

Bhagwan se Scooter manga.. Car di; Ghar manga.. bangla diya; dost manga toh tumhey diya.. Bhagwan ne isbar aisa zulm kyoun kiya :))

There is a meeting at Mental Hospital all doctors, nurses &amp; attendents are present but meeting have not started Bcoz patient is busy in reading this SMS.

Take My Eyes but let me c u. Take my mind but let me think about u.Take my hand but let me touch u. But if u want to take my heart, its already with U.

Friends are like pieces of puzzle. If you lose one .. it will never be Complete again.Just want you to know you are one of the pieces, I cant afford to lose.

Din ko chain nahi, raat ko aram nahi.Jee na lage kahi, E khuda kya yahi pyar hai ?Arey Pagal.. yeh pyar nahi .....Aajka 44 degree celcius temperature hai.

My friend, the best quality that i like about u is that, U R very sentimental .... (10% Senti and 90% Mental).

Que : What is the similarity between Sardar n donkey ???Ans : Both look cute when they are young but they get into transport business when they grew up.

Difference between a hen and prostitute? Hen: Cock-a-doodle do. Pros: Any cock will do.

GIRL: Doc, my boobs are hard &amp; aching. DOC: Let me see (feels them &amp; makes faces) GIRL: DOC! Is it bad?!! DOC: Not only bad- it's contagious! My dick s hard &amp; Aching!

Q. Why do orgasms exist? A. Because, otherwise people wouldn't know when to stop ****ing each other!!

Woman complaining to dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth filled!" Dentist: Decide so I can adjust the chair accordingly..!

Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.

A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes.

AGE OF BOOBS: 14 to 16 LEMON, 17 to 22 ORANGE 23 to 28 MANGO, 29 to 40 TENDER COCONUT, 41 to 55 USED PILLOW, 56 to 65 AIR REMOVED BALLOON.

3 Sardar were stroking there cock very fast n hard in restaurant. waitress: What the hell r u doin? Sardar:V r hungry &amp; the menu says "FIRST CUM FIRST SERVE".

Newton's 3 laws. 1.Every man has a pole, woman has a hole 2.When pole enters hole, it produces a new soul 3.When hand in motion, it produces lotion.

Priest lost his COCK, asked during mass: Any1 got a cock? All men stood up. I mean anyone seen a cock? All women stood up. I meant any1 seen my cock? All nuns stood up.

What do u get when u have sex with a judge, banker &amp; architect? Judge- Honourable discharge. Banker- Premature withdrawal. Architect- Illegal erection.

The 'F' rule:- Find her..., Friend her..., Flirt her..., Finger her..., **** her..., Forget her.
Doctor says: A penis is the greatest breakfast because it has a mushroom head, a hotdog, 2 eggs and cream which provides all the nutrients 2 make women healthy.

[tukz]

Woman's prayer: Oh holy man, lay down with me on a holy bed, let your holy pole enter my holy hole so that your holy water can produce a holy soul...aaahhh.

What is the difference between secretary &amp; private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR &amp; private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.

Love is not measured by hugging, kissing &amp; sex, love is respect and trust, accepting person with open legs and closed eyes, wet lips saying "push it more.."

Whats the difference btween a microwave oven and a woman? A microwave oven doesn't scream when u put a piece of meat in it.

A Girl asks her lover, will you love me like this after marriage also? Boy: Yes, only if your husband does not have any problem.

What is a kiss? Kiss is an enquiry in the 1st floor about the vacancy in the ground floor.

What is the height of safe SEX?....... person Masturbating with CONDOM on.

Why do women have their breast on top? Because if they had it down, the 'PUSSY' would drink all the milk !

Guy says: Remember the 1st time I used alcohol as a substitute for girl. Wat happen? Asked his friend. Guy: Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.

5 road signs which best describe female organs 1.deep excavation 2. Slippery when wet 3. Stop on red signal 4. Slow down curves and hump 5. Men at work

A guy walks up to a sexy babe n asks her if she would like to take part in a magic trick. She said OK. He says lets go to my place we **** and then I disappear.

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I Press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck u don't feel shy, in the braziers u will die

Man walked into ladies toilet. Lady who was inside shouted 'THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN'. The man, unzipping his pants said, 'THIS TOO'!

Mobile is the only thing that a man proudly says - Mine is smaller than yours!

I Tried Phone Sex Once, But The Holes Were Too Small.

Q: Why is the waist called a waist? A: Because anything below the tits &amp; above the pussy is a "waste"!

A woman gave birth to 6 babies, on seeing this she got off the hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, "I told u not to do in doggy style."

Girl says: Mom, our neighbor's son have penis like peanut. Mom: Is it too small? Girl: No, its salty!!

Dear lady subscribers: due to a fault in magnetic field and signals of our service your handsets will vibrate for one hour So keep it in your pussy &amp; enjoy! *Customer Care*

God in his wisdom and His love,very often sends His angels down to walk with us.We know them best as Friends.......

Introduction is possible anytime,Love is possible sometime.Marriage is possible one time,but a sweet friend like u is possible once in a lifetime.

Friendship is a promise made in the heart...Silent.Unwritten....Unbreakable by distance...Unchangeable by time...

C the sky,U will C God's grace;C the rain,U will dance once again;C the moon,U will C the depth of the lake;C the mirror,U will see God's greatest asset.

I ask God 2 make U happy,make U smile,guide u safely through every mile,Grant u wealth,Give u health,And most of all give u strong memoryso u don't 4get me.

Dreams visit us when we are asleep - but God is truly wise.He wakes us each day &amp; gives us every chance to make our dreams come true.

A friend is a gift, a gift to share.A gift from a package marked handle with care.I want u to know that u are one of the best gifts i received.Take Care.

When U are feeling stressed &amp; about to breakdown - my friend,just remember STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.It's a piece of cake!!!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U .........Zthe one who invented alphabetswas a genius, but he made a sillymistake bu keeping "U" &amp; "I" so far.

ABC: Allways Be Careful; DEF : Dont Ever Forget (me)JKLM:Just keep loving MeNOPQRSTUVW: No other person quite right shall treat u very well. ur loving XYZ.

Science has proved that sugar dissolves in water.So u please dont get wet in the rain, otherwise i will lose a sweet friend of mine!!!!!!

Aam hai Khatte, Angoor hai Meethe, Shayari sunnewale hain ULLU KE PATTHE

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan Lifeboy hai jahan, Tandurusti hai wahan

Telephone- humne bhukhe rahekar aapko milaya phone, aapne khaate hue puchha hum aapke hain kaun ???

Usne Kaha.. usney kaha, bas itni mulaqat bohaut hai ro ro key kaha, theharo abhi raat bohaut hai aansoo merey thum jaaein, to phir shouq sey jana aisey mein kahan jaogey, barsaat bohaut hai

Laajawaab Shayri.... tere hothon se lag kar yeh hawa sharab ban gayi aankhon se lag kar yeh hijaab ban gayi aur gaalon se lag kar yeh gulab ban gayi. sach hi kahti hai yeh duniya jaaneman ki mujh se mil kar tu laajawaab ho gayi

Pyaar Nahin... Har baat ka matlab inkaar nahin hota, Har jagah par baithana intezaar nahin hota, Yun to milti hai hazaron se nazrein, Har nazar ka milna pyaar nahin hota.

Tajmahal kya cheez hai, isse badi imarat banaunga, Mumtaz toh marke dafan hui thi, tuzhe toh mein zinda dafnaunga.

Zindagi Ka Itihaas....... tujhse zindagi bhar pyar karne ka armaan hai mera, mujhe bhool mat jaana, ki main ban jaun itihaas tumhara.

AANSU....... AANSUO SE PALKE BHIGO LETA HOON YAAD TERI AATI HAI TO RO LETA HOON SOCHA KI BHOOLA DOO TUJHE MAGAR
HAR BAAR FAISLA BADAL DETA HOON

Loot Liya Husn Walon Ne...... Aur bhi bahut si cheezain loot chu-ki hai dil ke saath Ye bataya Doston ne Ishq furmane ke baad Is liye Kumrey ki ek-ek cheez "Check" karta hoon main "Ek tere aane se Pehle, ek tere jaane ke Baad"

Unki zulfoon pe pyaar aaya Paas ja kar dekha tu sardar paya

Duniya Se Jo Darre, Usse Kaayar Kehte Hain, Duniya Jisse Darre, Usse Shaayar Kehte Hain, Biwi Se Jo Darre, Usse Shohar Kehte Hain.

Kahi Dhoop Kahi Chaao kahi dhoop kahi chaao Kaao Kaao Kaao

Shishi Bhari Gulab Ki.. Shishi Bhari Gulab ki.. Pathar Se Tod Du Tumse Achha koi Mile to Tumko Chhod doon.

behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.but behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man

an arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.you name pls. " abdul aziz "sex? " six times a week!! "no, no, I mean male or female! "doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!!! "

what makes a happy man?daughter on the cover of cosmo.son on the cover of sports illustratedmistress on the cover of playboyand .... wife on the cover of " missing persons "

teacher: what do you want to become?li'l Johnny: doctor !!teacher: why?lj: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it

woman complaining to dentist it ' s so painful, I ' d rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.dentist make up your mind soon, I ' ll adjust the chair
accordingly.

old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it to " RETURNED UNOPENED "

a kid asked the priest " father, what is your pastime? "the priest tapped the kid ' s shoulder and replied "Nun, my child, nun "

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.on their first night both were crying. why???coz she didn ' t know anything, and he had forgotten everything

Bewafa tum ho to wafadaar hum bhi nahi, besharam tum ho to sharamdaar hum bhi nahi, pyaar ke is mode par aake kehte ho shadishuda ho to kya hua darling...kunware hum bhi nahin!

Touch it gently.. Put ur finger inside.. If hole is big put three fingers..Rub it up & down gently .......... that's the right way of
washing the glass!!!!!

What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping and is responsible for making love? It's.............................................H EART.

Boy: "Pura andar gaya?" Madam: "Haan gaya." Boy: "Dard hua kya?" Madam: "Bahut hua" Boy: "Chalo doosra sandal try kartay hai madam!"

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.Waiter : So what! do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?Father : No. Why do you ask that?Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green andone is blue with red spots!Kirk

[tukz]

One day Laloo was travelling by his car. He was
going to a village for
campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came before the car.
The driver could'nt
hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately
the baby pig was killed
in the accident . At the sight Laloo was deeply
moved and felt very upset
He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai
hum usko compensesan dena
chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ".
At his words the driver went to the nearest village
and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands
around his neck and lots
of money in his hands!!!
Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha
ke uss aadmi ko laiye ,
aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"
At this the driver replied " I told them about the
incident . Hearing it
they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me,
then danced for some
time and gave this money."
Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bole?"
The driver replied : "Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad
Yadav ka driver hoon,
maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai.........."

[tukz]

Some W a c k y Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you meet a beautiful girl .
- Uzair Sait

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan

It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is
in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand
wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Dont worry that the world ends today, its already
tomorrow in Australia!

[tukz]

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither
one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message
saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted
in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared
and said:


You've Got Male'!"

[tukz]

Sardar 1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:-Birla cement
Sardar1:-Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

*********************************************

Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

*********************************************

A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table.
The guest asked what is this?
The Sardar didn't know English, he said "Milk sleeping in night, morning
becomes tight"

*********************************************

Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He is thinking for a
novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did one thing, he bought the
ticket and didn't travel.

*********************************************

A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line
said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. Its 1258."


*********************************************

What is the height of stupidity?
2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

*********************************************

Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming
pools,one of which is always empty?
It's for people who can't swim!

*********************************************

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

*********************************************

What do you call a Sardarji in a deep well?
A deep thinker..

*********************************************

Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

*********************************************

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

*********************************************

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl! So girl
shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se
maroon??!!!'

*********************************************

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter
with two men ahead of him.
Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta .

[luckysd]

hey LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is something really very nice...............
I just loved it re..............................
everything was very true man!!!!!!!!
THANKX for posting it..............:D
thanx divu 4 liking it........and u r welcome also:D

[divyaashimix]

hey TUKZ.................
The jokes rok man..............
I just loved them re............
awesome work...........
and awesm avatar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D

[luckysd]

hey guys check dese 30 facts abt k seriels
* All the character use garnier, Loreal, etc.. the hair color.

* There is usually a Dadaji(grandfather) or dadima(Grandmother) or both in there.

* The elder persons usually the dadas and dadis never die. If we calculate their age it's likely 2 be 150yrs Min.

* 98% of the families is as rich as Ambani ,TATA or Birla.

* Every successful businessperson gains the profit of more than Rs.300 crore. OK. They don't play in millions. They play in TRILLIANS!

* Despite being the rich familiy They don't ever rent a servant! Then the members wearing expensive jewelries and Rs10000 Sarees cook food, wash the dishes and clothes!

* 99.98% of all the characters are as fair as a fairy; not even wheatish.

* There is always a saans and a bahu cooking the khichdi.

* Every Leading actress is beautiful enough 2 win Miss India.

* Every Youth person there styles his hairstyle. There is no simple hairstyle. If there exists one then the person having the one (One out of 100) is a fool as symbolized in the play.

* 95% of the characters are having extra affairs.

* 70% of the lead actresses married more than once.

* There is always a CONSPIRACY THEORY going on in evry episode.

* Every person (99 outta 100) wears Sherwani on special occasions.

* Every person has got a car.

* Nobody dies in the serial. If anything so happens he/she is likely 2 return in future 2 create ugly problems.

* There is a slow Motion Camera moving half of the time of the serial length.

* Nobody gets old or the skin gets wrinkled. Even the character who gets old looks like his/her son/daughetr's older bro/sis. Oops!

* Every male wears coat-ties or suits at home also. The youth ones wear jeans even at the time of sleeping.

* If by chance there exists any middleclass family(generally girls) the girl/boy falls in love with a member of a rich family.

* There is a song in most of the happy ceremonies in which a lead character sings a song in tune of a recent bollywood flick along with ONLY other family members Including the 200yrs aged GrandPa. The other persons only smile and swing their body in-accordance with the lead singer n dancer.

* No character in the serials gets drenched in sweat, loses his hairstyle, fades his/her skin color in sunlight or after hard work.

* The lead actress teaches a lession every 2nd episode. Hhmmm...

* Every lead character has met with an accident.

* Most of the lead actoress has a doublet.

* There always a new person wicked as hell, takes entry and plays a vital role. The same character once dissappears never returns back after getting dosed from the Lead Role Models.

* If somebody gets slapped othes look into his/her face for an hour and gets amazed.

* There is no Happy family.

* These serials can never have a 2nd part bcos These serials never END.

[luckysd]

Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer




















































A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU...... ;)

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer

























































The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you...... :D

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer


















































A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you.... :D

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer


























A FIRE BRIGADE OBVIOUSLY...........
AND U THOT I WS TRYING TO CONFUSE YOU................ :D

[animateash]

tukx and luky cool oens

lvu ash

[animateash]

Kabhi mat kerna yaroo

Before Marriage u're Azaaaadd butttttt after
marriage u're Barbad.....
1) 1st Year of Marriage:
Husband speaks, wife listen.

2nd Year of Marriage:
Wife speaks, husband listen.

3rd Year of Marriage:
Both speaks, Neighbours listen'...!


4)shaadi se pehle , " Maine Pyar Kiya "
shaadi ke baad , " Yeh Maine Kya Kiya "!!!!



5) Before marriage

Takdeer hai magar kismat nahi khulti

Taj mahal banana chahta hoon,

Likin Mumtaz nahi milti....

After marriage

Takdeer hai magar kismat nahi khulti

Taj mahal banana chahta hoon,

Likin Mumtaz nahi marti....

[animateash]

GIRL TALK
Did U no kissing is healthy
Bananas are good for peroid pain
Its good to cry
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better
94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers
Lying is actually unhealthy
Only apply mascara to your top lashes
Its actually true, boys DO insult u when they like you!
Its impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed!
89% of guys want YOU to make the 1st move
Chocolate will make you feel better!=
Most boys think its cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide hickeys!..not that u have any
Boys arent worth your tears
We ALL love suprises!!



Now.... make a wish!








































Wish REALLLLLLY hard!!!

































WISH WISH WISH WISH






























Congratulations!!



Your wish has just been recieved

[animateash]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner >>with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl >>announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go >>out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * >>* * * Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, >>so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The >>pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy >>everything there is to know about condoms and sex. >>* * * * * * * * * * At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy >>how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family >>pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will >>be rather busy, it being his first time and all. * >>* * * * * * * * * That night, the boy shows up at the girl's >>parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so >>excited for you to meet my parents,come on in!" * >>* * * * * * * * * The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner >>table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers >>to say grace and bows his head. * * * * * * * * * >>* A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his >>head down. * * * * * * * * * * 10 minutes pass, >>and still no movement from the boy. * * * * * * * >>* * * Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend >>leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were >>this religious." * * * * * * * * * * The boy >>turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a >>pharmacist." >> >> >> >

[animateash]

Subject: Discoveries!! >Discoveries That >Men And >Women Made > > > >The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, > >The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP > >The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, > >The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. > >The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, > >The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. > >The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, > >The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET. > >The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, > >The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE. > >The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, > >The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING. > >Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... > >While the women STUCK to shopping

[animateash]

>>>Worth a read - >>> >>> >>> >>>Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a >>>bow. >>>Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. >>>But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay >>>home. >>>Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone. >>>But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. >>>What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. >>> >>>But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. >>>And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter >>>home. >>>But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. >>>About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. >>> >>>There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. >>>Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats >>>One by one the teacher called a student from the class. >>>To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. >>> >>>At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. >>>Each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there. >>>"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out. >>> "She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to >>>shout. >>> >>> And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, >>> "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day." >>>The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom. >>>And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. >>> >>>And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. >>>And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. >>>"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. >>>But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special >>>day. >>> >>>And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. >>>All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. >>> He loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike. >>>He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. >>> >>>We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. >>>And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. >>>"Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart >>> I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart" >>> >>>With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. >>>Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. >>>And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in >>>tears. >>>Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. >>> >>>For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. >>>Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. >>>And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into >>>the crowd. >>> >>> She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and >>>loud. >>>"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. >>>And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far >>> >>>You see he was a policeman and died just this past year >>>When airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. >>> >>>But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went >>>away." >>> >>>And then she closed her eyes, and she saw him there that day. >>>And to her mothers amazement, she witnessed with surprise. >>> >>>A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close >>>theireyes. >>>Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt >>>inside. >>>Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side. >>>"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out >>>And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with >>>doubt. >>> >>>Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes >>>had been >>>closed. >>> But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed >>>pink rose. >>>And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of >>>her >>>shining >>> >>>star. >>> >>>And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far. >>> >>>They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to >>>appreciate them, >>>a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. >>>Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send >>>it also >>>to the person that sent it to you. >>>It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget >>>them

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A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards
sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them.
She said "I don't think I know you,
but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one
of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am
Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of
us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was
overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite
Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She
jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love?
Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love?
Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up
and followed him. Surprised,
the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming
in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the
other two of us would've stayed out,
but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever
there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"



MY WISH AND LOVE FOR YOU...


-Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your
ability to work through it.
-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding,
patience, and renewed strength.
-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage.

You have two choices right now:
1. Click this off
2. Invite love by sharing this story with all the people you care about.

I hope you will choose #2

[animateash]

Women :


>

> A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the

>

> very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over

>

> night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them

>

> confirm that.

>

>

>

> Men :

>

> A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very

>

> next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the

>

> wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at

>

> their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still

>

> with them.

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26 Things That A

>

>Perfect Guy Would Do

>

>

>1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

>

>2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

>

>3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

>

>4. Give you the remote control during the game.

>

>5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

>

>6. Play with your hair.

>

>7. His hands always find yours.

>

>8. Be cute when he really wants something.

>

>9. Offer you plenty of massages.

>

>10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

>

>11. Never run out of love.

>

>12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

>

>13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

>

>14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

>

>15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

>

>16. Smile a lot.

>

>17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

>

>18. Appreciate you.

>

>19. Help others out.

>

>20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

>

>21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

>

>22. Sing, even if he can't.

>

>23. Have a creative sense of humor.

>

>24. Stare at you.

>

>25. Call for no reason.

>

>26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

[animateash]

Fresh Stock.........
>
> 1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign
> channel kyon dekhta rehta."
> Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
>
> 2. Four hightech sardar inventions:
> ---Waterproof towel
> ---Solar powered torch
> ---Book on how to read
> ---Pedal powered wheel chair.
>
> 3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking
> it? Guess
> what ---To avoid side effect!!!
>
> 4. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se
> bola pedho ko pani dal. Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na".
>
> 5.Man:sardarji where were u born?
> sardarji: punjab.
> man: which part.
> Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born
> in punjab".
>
> 6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
> ---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me
> bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.
>
> 7. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
> "akal badhi ya bhais "
> Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".
>
> 8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door bcoz it
> was an entrance exam.
>
Fresh Stock.........
>
> 1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign
> channel kyon dekhta rehta."
> Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
>
> 2. Four hightech sardar inventions:
> ---Waterproof towel
> ---Solar powered torch
> ---Book on how to read
> ---Pedal powered wheel chair.
>
> 3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking
> it? Guess
> what ---To avoid side effect!!!
>
> 4. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se
> bola pedho ko pani dal. Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na".
>
> 5.Man:sardarji where were u born?
> sardarji: punjab.
> man: which part.
> Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born
> in punjab".
>
> 6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
> ---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me
> bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.
>
> 7. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
> "akal badhi ya bhais "
> Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".
>
> 8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door bcoz it
> was an entrance exam.
>
> 9.Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect
> donations for a swimming pool.
> Banta: give him a glass of water.
>
> 10.Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
> Banta: really what is he studying?
> santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
>

> donations for a swimming pool.
> Banta: give him a glass of water.
>
> 10.Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
> Banta: really what is he studying?
> santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
>

[animateash]

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travel agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion, specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons.
The fourth friend who earlier had gone to the restroom returned and asked:
What's going on? What are all the congratulations for?
One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?
The fourth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing at a nightclub.
The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.
The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too.
Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.

[animateash]

HOW BAD IS YOUR ANGER: ACCORDING TO YOUR STAR SIGN : > > >ARIES March 21 April 20 > >Nothing seems to ruffle you more than a lack of discipline, >disloyalty and decorum.But Arians are also known to go into a rage >very >easily >when challenged. Those of you who have been on the receiving end of >the >Aries temper know that if not calmed down they can even get >violent. But >one thing is certain if the opponent remains calm and does not >react to >their outburst, Arians cool down very fast.They are also the first >to >apologize, >which makes them easier to forgive. > > TAURUS April 21 May 20 > >You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is >difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your >cool, >people don't know how to react. Your temper is like that of a >raging >bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get >a >verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are cornered or >when >people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being >reminded >about stakes you've made in the past. You also have the potential >to be >terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way. > > GEMINI May 21 June 20 > >You are recognised by your cheerful disposition and your jovial >nature is >not easily susceptible to anger. In fact, you are the best person to > have >around when there is an ugly scene at a party you can bring the >warring >factions together quite diplomatically. But when you lose your >cool,you >yell and scream and will not listen to reason. You must have the >last word >in a wordy duel. Your capacity to argue aggressively is matched >only by >your seductive c harm. > >CANCER June 21 July 21 > Considering how charming, caring, and kind you are, you dislike >unpleasant scenes, much less creating one yourself. You have great >tolerance and rarely get provoked into losing your temper. If >someone is >unreasonable or trying to create trouble, you are more likely to >walk away >quietly. But that does not mean you do not have a temper. When >angry, in >your effort to control your emotions, you tremble, your hands get >sweaty, >and etimes you fumble for words. Tears roll down your eyes >easily and >the opponent is touched by your innocence and will seek an apology >immediately > >LEO July 22 August 21 > >If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But >then,you >can be described as stiff, cold and uncaring. You are known to lack >spontaneity but you really don't care about opinions. You don't >like 2 >create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where >you >suspectthe presence of an unruly lot. But your very presence seems >challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your >disquiet. When angry you can use very critical language. A >dressing-down >can >humiliate your opponent, causing a strain between both of you >forever > >VIRGO August 22 September 21 > >Most of you are gentle and have full control over your emotions, >but >those of you given to temper tantrums can certainly get violent. >When see >thing with rage, you yell and shout and tend to break things lying >close >at hand. You can even harm yourself by banging your hands on a >glass top >table or wall. You should never get into any argument, for you are a > sore >loser. You feel that others are trying to persecute you and don't >quite >respect your opinions. When hurt, you can also hold grudges >forever. > >LIBRA September 22 October 22 >Did someone say that you are the charmers of the zodiac? Well, >it'strue. >Few have ever seen you ruffled or angry. You are very conscious of >your >image, and you believe that anger distorts your face and >personality.You >also think u r above things like anger. But wait before you get into >self-congratulatory mood. Your family or those very close to you >know u better. You have an unmatched temper amongst all the zodiac >signs,and >what makes it worse is your capacity to justify it. > >SCORPIO October 23 November 21 >Of course you don't lose your cool. But your very demeanor (manner) >projects haughtiness (arrogance, pride), pride and grand disdain >(disregard) for lesser mortals (humans). Others are often found >saying >that anger sits on your nose, and you are raring to give your peace >of >mind to the first person who tries to act funny with you. You are >selective in the choice of your friends, and have a low tolerance >for the >superfluous (extra) types. Your tongue-lashing (attack) is >generally in a >soft hissing tone, for when you scream your voice tends to get >shrill and >loud, and you do hate drawing attention to yourself! When upset, >you >are angrier with yourself for having shown weakness, for the last >thing >that Scorpio wants to show is being out of control. > > SAGITTARIUS November 22 December 20 > > > You are insensible and generally have complete no control over >your >emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger >levels >even when provoked. Actually, you get tongue-tied when angry and you > will >remove your anger waiting for the other person to calm down. Then >you will >reason with your opponent and convince the other person in a very >gentle > manner that the whole thing was just his mistake . You're also >likely to totally sever ties with someone when you're upset with >them... > > > CAPRICORN December 21 January 19 > > >Few will believe that a hardcore practical and materialistic >person like > you is capable of sensitivity and genuine emotions. You project a >hard >exterior but are actually very sensitive, a trait you successfully >hide > from others. You can be seething with anger but will not betray >your > feelings.But then there are times that even you cannot control >your > temper. Under such circumstances you can shout and scream, more >with > frustration at the situation than with anger at any particular >person. > Your outbursts can shockothers and can make them feel guilty >too. > > AQUARIUS January 20 February 18 . > > >You are noble and kind and dislike losing control over your >emotions. It >is very rare for you to get angry. You are also the pacifier in >situations > that involve arguments. It is always your endeavor to be perfect >and >socially correct in your behaviour and attitude, but if >misunderstood and >slighted you can give in to an angry outburst. You will shout and >scream > and then walk out from the scene. You cannot easily forget the > situation and will be bitter about it for a long time. > > > PISCES February 19 March 20 > > > The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you >appear > even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to >others >feelings,so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, >then > things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words, and >feel >inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagery >is at > its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. >When > upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left >alone. But > once you >calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. So nobody >can > be upset with you for too long > > > >(

[animateash]

One fine day a Girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied simply, >>>saying that in our Family we marry only our relatives : >>>my MoM married my Dad, >>>my Brother married my Bhabhi, >>>my Uncle married my Aunt and so on. >>>Hence, please excuse me. >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------

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>>>"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...." >>>Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to >>>God... >>>Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. >>>Italian : How far is land, from here ? >>>Sardarji : Two miles >>>Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I >>>have >>>got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off >>>the ship >>>into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again. >>>Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ? >>>Sardarji : Downwards . >>>>----------------------------------------------------

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>>>Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you" . >>>Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you." >>>Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year." >>>>--------------------------------------------------------- >>>Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage? >>>A:) To see his far relatives. >>>>------------------------------------------------------------------ >>>Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some >>>sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. >>>"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the >>>pub-owner. >>>So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches

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>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------- >>>Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the >>>back >>>direction. This event really harrased the social nature of >>>sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari in the >>>backward direction . While he was on his way to his office another >>>Sardar saw him and asked "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho ". >>>>----------------------------------------------------- >>>A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he >>>always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why >>>he did so?" >>>It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. >>>"TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about it >>>conclusion but also about its beginning. >>>>------------------------------------------------------------

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>>>Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final >>>>examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his >>>>seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for >>>>five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet >>>>out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the >>>>answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour >>>>he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. >>>During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing >>>the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, >>>approaches him and asks what is going on. >>>"Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he >>>says," I am rechecking my answers." >>> >>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------

[animateash]

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it >>>and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want >>>my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. >>>We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out >>>for the next 19 weeks." >>>The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it >>>>and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a >>>>lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, >>>>furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If >>>>you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my >>>>five rupees back!" >>>>------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>> > >>>

[animateash]

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a >>>Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided >>>to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon >>>that answer. >>>>When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked >>>>him, "Who Killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without > >>>>hesitation "The Romans killed him." >>>The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived >>>for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied >>>Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man >>>who then left.Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he >>>was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before >>>saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief >>>said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived >>>home, his wife asked "How was the interview?" Pat came the reply, >>>"Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder." >>> >>>>

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>>>Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st >>>and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift >>>was out of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa >>>and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm. So Santa >>>huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay >>>he finds a big lock on the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU BANA >>>DIA!' Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his >>>reply below Banta's message -> 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!' >>> >>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------

[animateash]

>>>There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise >>>>some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He >>>>went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, >>>>and told him, "I've kidnapped you." >>>The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. >>>>Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the >>>> mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play >>>>ground". Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned the note >>>>to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. >>>>The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper >>>>bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up >>>>the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you >>>>do this to a fellow Sardarji?!" >>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------

[animateash]

>>>Suicidal Sardar >>> >>>An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on >>>scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building... They were eating >>>>lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get >>>>corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump >>>>off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and >>>>exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going >>>>to jump off, too." The Surd opened his lunch and >>>>said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get paratha and daal one more >>>>time I'm jumping too." Next day - The American opens his lunch >>>>box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The >>>>Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps. The Surd opens his >>>>lunch, sees paratha and daal and jumps to his death also...At the >>>>funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd >>>>known how really tired he was of corned beef & cabbage, I never >>>>would have given it to him again!" The Italian's wife also weeps >>>>and says "I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't >>>>realize he hated pasta so >>>>much." Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, >>>>don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!" >>>> > >>>>------------------------------------------------------------------

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>>>There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. >>>>All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and >>>>singing and general balle balle' is on. The people on the street >>>>find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating >>>>as if its a marriage baarat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, >>>>"Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach >>>>raheho?" ..... Comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade khushi >>>>ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!" >>> >>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------

[animateash]

>>>In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him how many >>>>chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied >>>>"Seven". Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi >>>>your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can U eat seven ??". >>>>Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went >>>>back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in >>>>an empty stomach ??". >>>She replied "Five". Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told >>>>seven I had a nice reply for it" >>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------

[animateash]

>>>Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends >>>>asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was >>>>okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, >>>>thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK!!!" >>>>------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their >>>parents achievements to each other. >>>Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal? >>>Banta singh : Yes, I have. >>>Santa singh : Well, my father dug it. >>>Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea>? >>>Santa singh : Yes, I have. >>>Banta singh : My father killed it!!!! >>>>------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate >>>"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write >>>>"Chinese" when Both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Because Sardarji >>>>read a >>>>newspaper, and it says that every 4th person born on the Earth >>>>now is a Chinese." >>>

[animateash]

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention. When a GIRL sms's u everyday, She wants you to reply at least once. When a GIRL says I love you, She means it. When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future. When a GIRL says "i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than her

[animateash]

For girls only. ;) > > > >21 THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO TO YOUR BOYFRIEND > > > >1. DON'T BE TOO POSSESSIVE : Don't start a fight just because you > >caught him talking or walking with a girl or keeping pictures and > >letters from some girl you don't eeven know. > > > >2. DON'T INVESTIGATE : Always checking where your boyfriend might be, > >who's with him or what he's doing will definitely annoy him. > > > >3. DON'T BE A "DOG" : Yapping over a heated argument will not solve > >the problem. It will only increase tension between the two of you and > >could end up in a serious quarrel. > > > >4. DON'T WALK OUT : Hey, come back here! Walking out in the middle of > >a heated discussion will not solve issues. Best to talk things over. > > > >5. DON'T BE LATE : Coming late to your dates is a bad habit. Be on > >time. Cherish every minute of your special time together. > > > >6. DON'T STAND HIM UP : Not coming up to your dates or scheduled > >meetings also isn't a good idea. Honestly tell him if you will not be > >able to make it. Just imagine how would you feel if he stood you up. > > > >7. DON'T LIE : Lying to him about where you've been or what you've > >done will cause suspicions and eventually..start petty to serious > >arguments. > > > >8. DON'T SNEAK IN HIS PERSONAL BELONGINGS WITHOUT PERMISSION : > >Curiosity killed the car. Especially if you haven't known each other > >for years yet. > > > >9. DON'T FORGET TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HIM : No matter how busy > >you are, physical presence is important. Quality time is very > >essential in a relationship. That's why long-distance love hardly > >succeeds. Not seeing him for a month is long enough. > > > >10. DON'T HIDE FROM HIM : There won't ever be a decent excuse of > >reason for this. What do you have in mind for doing this so, anyway? > > > >11. DON'T DICTATE HIM : Unless he asks, don't tell him what to do. > >Also, don't forbid him to go out with his friends. Respect his > >decisions. > > > >12. DON'T MISS YOUR ANNIVERSARY : Because it's your "historical" > >moment, duh. > > > >13. DON'T ASK HIM TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND BASKETBALL : Don't be too > >harsh on petty matters. He may like sports or he may be dedicated > >hobbyist but the fact remains. You are his girlfriend and there's no > >need to be jealous of his extracurricular activities. > > > >14. DON'T COMPARE HIM TO YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND : That's not fair. Whoever > >kisses better, just keep it to yourself. > > > >15. DON'T KISS AND TELL : Don't ever squeal "bed scenes." Your > >intimate moments should only be shared and kept exclusively by the two > >of you. > > > >16. DON'T WORRY OR OVERREACT WHEN HE'S DRIVING : Remember, he isn't > >going to compromise your safety on the road. Sit back and enjoy the > >ride (unless he's drunk). > > > >17. DON'T EMBARRASS HIM IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE : It's the male ego > >thing. Never, never say..."He farts too loud, don't you, honey?" > > > >18. DONT BREAK YOUR PROMISE : That is self-explanatory. > > > >19. DON'T KEEP SECRETS FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND : Your secrets will be safe > >with him. Remember, guys are trustworthy than girls. Unless, of > >course, your boyfriend's your biggest secret. > > > >20. DON'T ASK HIM TO BUY TOO MANY THINGS FOR YOU : This is not nice. > >Wait for him to ask you what you want. > > > >21. DON'T DATE YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND : Dont dare see your ex without your > >boyfriend's consent. Even if it was just a simple dinner together, > >don't dare mess with his trust.

[animateash]

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to
>
> console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
>
> " I'm sorry to hear about theattack. It is a very
>
> big tragedy.
>
> But in case you are missing any documents from the
>
> Pentagon, we have copies of everything."

[animateash]

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
>
> Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
>
> condolences to you.
>
> It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great
>
> bldgs...
>
> I would like to ensure that we had nothing in
>
> connection with that........
>
> Bush: What buildings? What people??
>
> Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
>
> Bush: It's eight in the morning.
>
> Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

[animateash]

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks
>
> in and asks the barman,
>
> "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
>
> The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy
>
> walks over and says,
>
> "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
>
> Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
>
> The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
>
> And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million
>
> Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
>
> And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
>
> Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "
>
> See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14
>
> million Pakistanis!"

[animateash]

Pakistani on the moon:
>
> Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
>
> A: Problem...
>
> Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
>
> A: Problem...
>
> Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
>
> A: Problem...
>
> Q:What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
>
> A: ...... Problem Solved!!!!
>
>~There is no Excellence without Labour~

[animateash]

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
>
>One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board
>the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
>Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on
>the spot.
>Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in
>turn took him to the court.
>
>The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital
>punishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a
>single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel
>at one corner of the room.
>
>The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to
>him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
>The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
>
>After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman
>tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.
>
>Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman
>came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers
>took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The
>judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.
>
>The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber
>where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a
>single banana peel at one corner of the room.
>He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
>This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge
>decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
>
>A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the
>bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier
>experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman
>slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to
>the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.
>Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering
>his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him
>capital punishment.
>
>The Bus conductor was again taken to the
>same electrocution chamber where there was a
>single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at
>one corner of the room.
>He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given
>to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
>
>The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but
>died instantly the third time?? Try to solve it yourselves. This
>is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If
>necessary read the puzzle once again. Still if you can't,
>then look below.........
>
>think hard
>
>Answer:
>
>During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
>therefore electricity didn't pass through him.
>But during the third time,
>he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely
>and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!!
>
>Obviously you have to revise your science chapter on Electricity???
>
>~There is no Excellence without Labour~

[animateash]

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
>
>Question 1:
>
>If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
>three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she
>had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
>
>Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
>
>Question 2:
>
>It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
>Here are the facts about the three candidates.
>
>Candidate A
>Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with
>astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and
>drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
>
>Candidate B
>He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium
>in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
>
>Candidate C
>He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
>drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
>
>Which of these candidates would be your choice?
>
>Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
>
>-
>-
>-
>-
>-
>-
>-
>-
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
>
>Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
>
>Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
>
>And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
>
>If you said YES . . .
>
>. . . you just killed Beethoven.
>
>Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone
>
>And basing judgments on mere perceptions and not facts

[tukz]

hey TUKZ.................
The jokes rok man..............
I just loved them re............
awesome work...........
and awesm avatar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D
thnx divs
lucky n ash dey rokssssssssssssssss......................kul

[animateash]

thnx divs
lucky n ash dey rokssssssssssssssss......................kul
tahxn
lvu ash

[divyaashimix]

thnx divs
lucky n ash dey rokssssssssssssssss......................kul
your welcome...........:D

[tukz]

THE SIMPLE FACTS

Did you know you share your birthday with at
least 9 other million people in the world?


The electric chair was invented by a dentist.


When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia
still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet
facilities for blacks and whites.



The human heart creates enough pressure when
it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.



On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.



The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.


"I am."
is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.


The longest word in the English language is 1909
letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.


It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.



Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history
not to have a full moon.



You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.



Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.



Every time you lick a stamp,
you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.



Cat's urine glows under a black light.


Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.


In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.


Babies are born without knee caps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.



The most common name in the world is Mohammed.


The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II,
moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.


Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.


One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because
cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp
farmers...they saw it as competition.




You know that you are more likely to be killed
by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.


Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.




There are 2 credit cards for every person in the US.


The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would
have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.



Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds,
dogs only have about ten.



Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears never stop growing

[tukz]

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in??????


Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym
Ajax,



2. What is the expansion of YAHOO

Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle



3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS

ADIDAS- Always Do I Dream About Sports


"ADIDAS" is All Day I Dream About Sports..



4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?


Satellite Television Asian Region



5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"


Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India"



6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?

A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal
dozen



7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot-
India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?


That match was abandoned after the ppl heard the news of indira gandhi
being killed..?



8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two
different countries?


Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different
countries one is our 's National anthem and another one is for
Bangladesh-(Amar Sonar Bangla)



9. From what four word ex-pression does the word `goodbye` derive?

Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you',



10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?

Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa



11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th??


South Korea



12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007???

'cause 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR, as it was known
during the cold war) ??



13. who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?

Geoffrey Boycott



14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from
international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe?

John Traicos



15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham
Lincoln



16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only
one country (other than Vatican)?

Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa.



17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed

Polo is not allowed to be played in Southpaw fashion.

[tukz]

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days......

He would loose 34 kilos.....

At the end of 300 days.....

Sardarji called the doctor to report that he had lost the weight.....

But he had a problem.

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

"I'm 2400 kms from home." Said SardarJi.

[tukz]

How to avoid making mistakes in English
Learners make mistakes and reinforce them because they produce sentences 1) too carelessly or 2) too early. You will avoid mistakes if you follow a couple of rules:

Rules of error-free speaking and writing
Use simple language. Some beginners try to build very complicated sentences with things like the present perfect tense or conditionals. They make horrible mistakes. Don't do this! If you've just started to speak or write in English, you should say what you can say (simple sentences that you have seen many times) - not what you want to say (complicated sentences). You may feel you're talking like a child or that you are not expressing your thoughts, but don't worry about it. Right now, your task is not to express your thoughts freely; your task is to learn the language.
Be slow and careful. In the beginning, you should write very slowly. If you need 2 hours to write an e-mail message with 10 correct sentences, that's okay. That's how long it should take if you're just starting to write.
Why should it take so long? Because you should read your sentences many times, looking for mistakes. You should correct your own sentences frequently. You should check if your sentences are correct by using a dictionary and the Web. And you should look for example sentences to imitate.
When you're speaking, it's okay to build a sentence for some time in your head before you open your mouth.
If you're not sure how to say something, don't say it. If you can't say something correctly, it's almost always better not to say it. You don't want to teach yourself the wrong way to say it. You can try to look for the correct sentence in a dictionary or on the Web (see next point), but when speaking, usually you don't have time for that. So it's a good idea to say something else - something that you know is correct. It can even be something on a different subject.
When writing, always look things up. Whenever you're not sure how to use a word, look it up in a good dictionary to find example sentences with it. When you've written something, and you are not sure if it's correct, search for it on the Web with Google. If many pages contain your phrase, then it is probably correct. Dictionaries and Google should be your everyday tools, and you should use them even many times in one sentence (especially if you've just begun writing in English). See this forum topic for more information on using Google when writing.
Know where you can screw up. Sometimes learners don't even realize how different English is from their native language. When speaking, they translate word for word from their native language, and they think their sentences are okay.
When reading or listening in English, pay close attention to things like word order, articles, prepositions, and tenses. Compare sentences in English with equivalent sentences in your native language. Notice the differences in words and in word order. This will make you more careful when speaking in the foreign language, because you will realize which parts of your sentences can be wrong and should be double-checked. By Hassan Ali

"Will I ever be fluent if I speak so slowly and carefully?"
Don't worry about fluency. Fluency is easy to achieve by simply talking. If you practice speaking, you will be able to speak faster and faster. In high school, Tom achieved pretty good fluency in a month by talking to his English teacher (a native speaker) about two hours a week. That's only 8 hours of talking.
In our opinion, it is much better to be slow and correct than be fluent and make a lot of mistakes. Why? Because if you are slow and correct, you can easily improve your speed and become fluent and correct. But if you are fluent and make a lot of mistakes, it is not so easy to remove your mistakes and become fluent and correct By Hassan Ali


Don't speak or write too early
If you follow the above rules and still make a lot of mistakes when speaking (= more than 1 mistake every 3 sentences), you should probably switch to writing for a while. Consider the following guidelines:
First write, then speak. Writing is easier than speaking because: 1) you don't need to have good pronunciation (but you need good spelling), 2) you can write very slowly and nobody will mind, 3) you can use dictionaries, the Web, etc. So, it's a good idea to practice writing first until you can build correct sentences quickly enough for speaking.
Don't speak until you've learned to pronounce English sounds. You need to be able to pronounce all the English vowels and consonants in a clear way before you speak. If you don't, you will get used to bad pronunciation.
Don't say a word if you don't know how to pronounce it. In other words, you need to know the pronunciation of all the words that you use. If you don't, you will be making pronunciation mistakes and teaching yourself bad habits.
If you make more than 1 mistake every 3 sentences when writing in the slow and careful way described above, you should probably stop writing for some time and concentrate on reading and listening.
Remember that you should first get lots of English sentences into your head, then build your own sentences. Your main activity should be reading and listening to English - and the reason is that you need good examples to follow before you can build your own sentences. The more sentences your brain absorbs, the more you can express in English. If you don't see/hear enough correct, natural English sentences, you will not know how to say things in English. So you will be inventing your own language. And you will be making mistakes.

[animateash]

hey tukz oole oens

lvua sh

[divyaashimix]

Hey Thakur.........
the items rokkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the questions that you have posted rok!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D :D

[animateash]

Hey Thakur.........
the items rokkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the questions that you have posted rok!!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D :D
tahxn a lot

lvua sh

[divyaashimix]

tahxn a lot

lvua sh
your welcome............:D

[tukz]

Hii All !!

This is a informative mail focusing on the reason as to why some of the
mails sent by our priviliged group members were not posted on the
website.

Here are a few reasons...

1. Mails which contain too many e-mail addressess of the prior
receipients of the mail which makes a message longer and help the spammers in
sending Viruses and junk, are not approved. So please take care and
remove all the extra e-mail id's before sending.

2. Mails in which none of the images are opened or attachments that not
supported by the Yahoo! Servers are deleted. So make sure U also attach
the image while copying it onto the Message board.

3. Mails which advertise or promote other Groups are strictly not
approved.
Advertisements can be in the form of Hyperlinks or Watermarks on
images. Personal Signatures are acceptable. Try removing them.

4. Mail once posted will not be posted again as it occoupies
unnecessary space in our Inboxs.

5. Mails which ask people to forward that mail to a paricular number of
people favouring good luck or helping somebody will not be sent as
those mails are created by the spammers as they keep a track of all the
email-id's and then later send Viruses. Such kind of mails will not be
posted.

I hope everybody respects Net Etiquettes and Group Ethics.

[tukz]

While visiting India , George Bush is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He
says that, it is tosurround himself with intelligent
people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the
Kalam."Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your
mother has a child, and your
father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the
Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr.
Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.

I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd
better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for
me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and
explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,

finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer,

sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"




And Bush replies in disgust, " no you are Wrong,

its Manmohan Singh!" .

[tukz]

For Dear Friends
Career Song - The 8 stages


1. when in college : Hum honge kaamiyaab, Hum honge kaam iyaab ek din.....

2. when giving interview to Multi National Company: Tu hi re.. Too hi re ....tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn....

3. waiting for interview result: Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayinaaa kuch khabar mere yaarki ...

4. just joined: Too cheez badi hai mast mast.....

5. after some time: Ye kahaan aa gaye hum??

6. After some more time: Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, meri jindagi ek kati Pathang hai (booohoooo)

7. floating the resume: kabootar ja ja ja... kabootar ja ja ja... pehele pyar ki peheli chitthi...

8. finally when you don't get a better offer any longer:

Jeena Yehaan, marna Yehaan iske siwa jaana Kahaa...!!!

[tukz]

If Today Anyone
Talks & Praises
You For Your
1) Gud looks
2 ) Nature
3 ) Style
4 ) Attitude,

Kick Them Off.
How Dare They
FOOL U
Before
April 1st.


JUST BE YOURSELF

It’s a serene Sunday morning as I write this entry. James Blunt's hit “You're Beautiful” plays while I enjoy a great cup of java (the good Columbian stuff). My kids are reading and I'm moving in slow motion.
Something happened a little earlier that made me laugh. Needed to share it with you. My daughter Bianca and I were playing. Role playing to be precise. She was pretending to be me and I was being her. She sat in my study and wrote in my journal, mimicking the way I speak. I, in turn, talked non-stop about dogs and PSPs (Sony's Portable Play Station) and hip CDs. After a few minutes of imitating me here's what she said: “I don't want to be you anymore, Dad. It's too hard. I just want to be me.” Perfect.

What's more important in life than being yourself (and loving who you are)? Most of us live someone else's life. We act out the lives our parents wish for us. Or we behave as our neighbors expect us to. Or the way society tells us to behave. And we dismiss happiness as a result.

Fulfillment comes from living your truth. Doing your values. Pursuing your dreams. “To thine own self be true” said that British sage Shakespeare. No point in getting to the end and realizing you never let the real you come out to play. A great life grows from an authentic one. Keep shining.




Don't Hope Friend...Decide
by Michael Hargrove

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me! Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.


First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other's face, I heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, "Me too, Dad!"


Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9) and while cupping his son's face in his hands he said, "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary.


While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother's arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, "Hi baby girl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.


After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then quietly said, "I love you so much!". They stared into each other's eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn't be. I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm's length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?"


"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those." he replied without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife's face.


"Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, "Two whole days!"


Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he'd been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my _expression betrayed me. So, I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"


The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don't hope friend...decide." Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!". With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together.


I was still watching that special man and his exceptional family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What'cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!"

[tukz]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the Wife passed away.

The undertaker told the Husband "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her Shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."

[tukz]

Aisa dostana humara ..........



main kashti... tu kinara ...



main dhanush... tu teer...



main matar... tu paneer......



main varsha... tu badal.....



main Rajma... tu Chawal.......



main Hot... tu Cool.............



Main APRIL.... tu .......FOOL..... ?

[divyaashimix]

Aisa dostana humara ..........



main kashti... tu kinara ...



main dhanush... tu teer...



main matar... tu paneer......



main varsha... tu badal.....



main Rajma... tu Chawal.......



main Hot... tu Cool.............



Main APRIL.... tu .......FOOL..... ?

hey tukz....
as usual man......
amazing work !!!!!!!:D

[animateash]

hey tukz cool ones

lvu ash

[tukz]

thnx divya n ash

[animateash]

thnx divya n ash
hey welcome

lvu ash

[Mac rocks_92]

Hi everyone I just wanna ask has tana natashu or prat returned?Gud work anyway keep it up.:D

[animateash]

Hi everyone I just wanna ask has tana natashu or prat returned?Gud work anyway keep it up.:D
nah nobody ahs returned and i dont thnkd ey will ever return

lvu ash

[divyaashimix]

Hi everyone I just wanna ask has tana natashu or prat returned?Gud work anyway keep it up.:D
I don't think they are gonna return now!!!!!!!!

[animateash]

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious Situations and some equally stupid answers:-


1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs
so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in
the cool comfort of the theatre.





2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....
why don't you try again or should i try this
time."





3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you?





4. At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated
cement.We occasionaly also spit in it.




5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt
meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so
big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you
ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive
lout...it's just the money.





7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at
Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik
was betting with me that Pakistan would
win. What do you think?




8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......




9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me
if I bite.




10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman
asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........

it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

[style_ashitia]

hey ash coool yaar sahi hai!!!!!!!!!!

[animateash]

You're...
> >
> >My friend,
> >
> >My companion,
> >
> >Through good times and bad,
> >
> >My friend,
> >
> >My buddy,
> >
> >Through happy and sad,
> >
> >Beside me you stand,
> >
> >Beside me you walk,
> >
> >You're there to listen,
> >
> >You're there to talk,
> >
> >With happiness,
> >
> >With smiles,
> >
> >With pain and tears,
> >
> >I know you'll be there, throughout the years!
> >
> >You are all good friends to me and I am grateful to you. Send this to all
> >your good friends online to show them you are friends.

[animateash]

tahxna lot ruhi

lvu ash