Fun 'n' Masti!!!!

[guru_sal]

hey all of u gud oens ..bas hamara intezaar kijiye itna pitara milega hamare paas se bas 10oct ko xam khatam khalas....uske baad itne jokes itne pics itne mixes bhejungi

lvu ash
hey rite ash bas i'm waiting for 12 .12 ko mere exams khatam ho jayenge.and me 2 oi'll post lots of jokes

[tukz]

1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen Le beti kuch to pehan Le!




_______________________________




Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono NE kapde tyag diye,
Ek NE desh ke liye,
Doosre NE Deshwasion ke liye!



_______________________________




Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai




_______________________________



Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'as Law' kehta hai?




_______________________________




Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
Rupaye fase huye hain.



_______________________________




Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
Na apne bachchon ko karne denge.




_______________________________




What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!



_______________________________




What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi.



_______________________________




FOOL se, FOOL NE,
FOOLon ki FOOLwari me
FOOL ke sath wish kiya '
You are the most beautiFOOL,
ColorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS



_______________________________





A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.

What did they named them?

They named them as 'Jo-Jua', ' So-Hua'



________________________________




What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah? Wow! New Underwear .



__________________________________





Paani mein Whiskey milao at nasha chadta hai.

Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.

Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.

Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

[tukz]

*Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are
getting weak?

*Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is
not enough?

*Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

*Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

*Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

*Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a
revolver at him?

*Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

*Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

*If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

*Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles
are
always white?

*Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

*Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

*Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum
cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give
the vacuum one more chance?

*Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first
try?

*How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

*When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it
isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

*Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?

[divyaashimix]

*Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are
getting weak?

*Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is
not enough?

*Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

*Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

*Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

*Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a
revolver at him?

*Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

*Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

*If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

*Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles
are
always white?

*Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

*Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

*Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum
cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give
the vacuum one more chance?

*Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first
try?

*How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

*When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it
isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

*Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?

hey bhaggu BITASTA.................
really awesome......
I never thought of such things yaarrr!!!!!!:)

[tukz]

hey bhaggu BITASTA.................
really awesome......
I never thought of such things yaarrr!!!!!!:)
thnx a lot divs....;)

[divyaashimix]

thnx a lot divs....;)
NEtime yaarrr!

your welcome......:) :)

[tukz]

B elow are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?



Let's find out just how clever you really are.




Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?



Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.


Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?










Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?



You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:
V ery tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.











Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?


Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?







-
-
-
-
-
-
-




Answer: Nunu?


NO! Of course not.
Her name is Mary . Read the question again


Okay, now the bonus round:
T here is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?








-


-

-

-

-




He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

[tukz]

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapiki maungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

[mesweety4u2000]

hey all of u gud oens ..bas hamara intezaar kijiye itna pitara milega hamare paas se bas 10oct ko xam khatam khalas....uske baad itne jokes itne pics itne mixes bhejungi

lvu ash

sure we are w8ing for u only :)

[mesweety4u2000]

hey all of u gud oens ..bas hamara intezaar kijiye itna pitara milega hamare paas se bas 10oct ko xam khatam khalas....uske baad itne jokes itne pics itne mixes bhejungi

lvu ash

sure we are w8ing for u only :)

and awesome ones tukz and candy

[tukz]

sure we are w8ing for u only :)

and awesome ones tukz and candy
thnx a lot sweety

[guru_sal]

hey tukz really bahut achche the

[animateash]

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

[animateash]

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

[animateash]

The Perfect Husband...


Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on
a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and
began to talk.


Everyone else in the room stops to listen.


MAN: "Hello"


WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"


MAN: "Yes"


WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy
it?"


MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."


WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005


models. I saw one I really liked."


MAN: "How much?"


WOMAN: "£70,000"


MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."


WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"


MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."


WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:





















"Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?"

[animateash]

Shah Rukh Khan

What: Actor
How much: Rs 247 per minute





The King Khan, who started off modestly as a 'Fauji', made about Rs 13
crore last year. This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai
Santro - and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by women
for HLL's Lux. How much per minute?


Brij Mohan Lall Munjal

What: Chief of Hero Group
How much: Rs 255 per minute



The patriarch of the Hero Group received the Life-time achievement award
for 'Excellence in Corporate Governance' by the Institute of Company
Secretary of India this year. Brij Mohan Lall Munjal earned about Rs 13.4
crore last
year. He continues to be the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer and
fuels his bank balance with Rs 255 per minute.


Sachin Tendulkar

What: Cricketer
How much: Rs 1,163 per minute




India's most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian
companies; going by his annual remuneration for 2004-2005. Breaking it
down, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He
is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one
dayers.

A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world
makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute


Dr A P J ABDUL Kalam

What: President of India
How much: Rs 1.14 per minute




Before taking on the reins of this country, Dr A P J Kalam played a leading
role in the development of India's missile and nuclear weapons programmes -
so much so - that he's fondly referred to as the 'Missile Man'. In the
early
1990s, he served as scientific adviser to the government, and his prominent
role in India 's 1998 nuclear weapons tests established Kalam as a national
hero. For all his work in his present capacity as President of the world's
largest de mocracy, Kalam draws an annual remuneration of Rs 6,00,000 or Rs
1.14 per minute.


Mukesh Ambani

What: CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd
How much: Rs 413 per minute



Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani
was ranked the world's 56th richest man in Forbe's list. But since this is
only about salaries (and the like), we'll completely ignore his other
earnings. Last year, Mr Ambani earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87
per cent over his previous year's earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413
per minute.


Amitabh Bachchan

What: Actor
How much: Rs 361 per minute



Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and
film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan's
take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore - that's Rs 361 per minute.


Dr Manmohan Singh

What: Prime Minister of India
How much: Rs 0.57 per m inute




An economist by profession, Dr Singh has formerly served in the
International Monetary Fund. His economics education included an
undergraduate and a master's degree from Punjab University ; an
undergraduate
degree from Cambridge ; and a doctorate from Oxford University . One of the
most educated Indian prime ministers in history, Singh also served as the
finance minister under prime minister Narasimha Rao. In his present
capacity, Singh is paid Rs 3,60,000 annually, i.e. Rs 0.57 per minute.


Indra Nooyi

What: New Pepsi Chief
How much: Rs 2,911 per minute (from October 11)




Chennai-born 50-year-old Indra Nooyi was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO)
of PepsiCo, the US-based soft drink major. In that capacity, her
remuneration stood at $5 million (over Rs 23 crore). With her promotion
this
year, Nooyi becomes one of the highest paid CEOs in the world, with an
announced remuneration of $33 million (approximately Rs 153 crores). This
means Nooyi makes a whopping Rs 2,911 per minute.

*All figures based on media reports


so guys n gals as the placement session is abt to start..
keep in mind ur goals wrt ur SALARY...

[animateash]

A VERY GOOD CORPORATE STORY!!!


A good story for all of us to follow in our careers......


Once upon a time a Washerman was bringing up two donkeys. Let us say Donkey-A and Donkey-B. Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other. It always tried to pull the washerman's attraction over it by taking more load and walking fast in front of him.


Innocent Donkey-B is normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the washerman's presence. After a period of time, Washerman started pressurising Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. But Donkey-B unable to walk fast, got continuous punishment from washerman. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other....we can carry equal load at normal
speed ".


That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day it told to washerman that it can carry more load and even it can run fast also. Obviously happier washerman looked at Donkey-B.., his BP raised and he started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with smile, Donkey-A carried more load and started running fast. But it was breathtaking for Donkey-B and it couldn't act that way....But the washerman was frustrated, so he harassed Donkey-B terribly, and finally it fell down hopelessly.


Then Donkey-A felt itself as a supremo and happily started carrying more load with great speed. But now the Load of the Donkey-B is also being carried by Donkey-A., and still it has to run fast. For some period it did, finally due to fatigue it got tired and started
feeling the pain. But washerman expected more from Donkey-A. It also tried best, but couldn't cope up with his owners demand. The Washerman got angry with Donkey-A also and started harassing to take more load... Donkey-A was crying for long time and then tried its best... But it couldn't meet the owner's satisfaction. Finally the day came when due to frustration the washerman killed Donkey-A and went for searching some other Donkeys.


Its an endless story..........


But the moral of the Story in Corporate life is......,
"Think all colleagues are same and that everyone is capable.... Always
Share the Load equally..... Don't ever act smart in front of your Boss and never try for getting over-credit...
Don't feel happy when ur colleague is under pressure.. "
It doesn't matter if u r A or B, for the Boss u shall be always DONKEY
And most importantly, dont always try to Work Hard, Work Cleverly.....


"Success is a journey not a destination

[animateash]

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive,
! but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.



How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.




Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.




Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.






Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?






Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.







If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?




You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.




! Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.





Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.





We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.






A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.





Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

"And that person was me."....
Please don't keep this message
to yourself....send it to those
who mean so much to you.... " NOW"..




Working for God on earth does not pay much,

but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

[guru_sal]

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive,
! but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.



How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.




Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.




Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.






Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?






Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.







If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?




You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.




! Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.





Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.





We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.






A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.





Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

"And that person was me."....
Please don't keep this message
to yourself....send it to those
who mean so much to you.... " NOW"..




Working for God on earth does not pay much,

but His Retirement plan is out of this world.
hey ash really good ones
all r superb
AAPKE EXAMS KAB SE HAI
AAP THAKTE NAHI KYA LIKHTE LIKHTE

[amit@bitspilani]

ash at her best as usual!!!!

wonderful .....
awesome ash.....waise howz ur prepration for exams....

[animateash]

ash at her best as usual!!!!

wonderful .....
awesome ash.....waise howz ur prepration for exams....
hye thanxn a lot and yes xams ki preparation chal rahi mujhe irf 11th mein pass hoan hai 11th is nto imp


luv ash

[animateash]

hey ash really good ones
all r superb
AAPKE EXAMS KAB SE HAI
AAP THAKTE NAHI KYA LIKHTE LIKHTE
hey tahxn a lot

[amit@bitspilani]

hye thanxn a lot and yes xams ki preparation chal rahi mujhe irf 11th mein pass hoan hai 11th is nto imp


luv ash
waise i've exam too on 3rd,5th,6th n a presentation on 10th....well after that i'll be free....

[amit@bitspilani]

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

! 7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

[divyaashimix]

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

! 7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."




thats awesome AMIT!!!!:D

[amit@bitspilani]

thats awesome AMIT!!!!:D
thanx...divya

more.....this time thode technical.....
Best answer by B.E students during viva..............

This is best answer by B.E students during viva.
>---------------------> This one is for those who had nightmares during
their Engineering
Viva's (EEEs and ECEs). They bring back fond memories for those who
care
to smile at the past…

************************************************** ************************************************** **********
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in
A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and
requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

************************************************** **********************************
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To
pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes
straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes
UP,
DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" -------------------
good one : - )

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If
it gets stuck, it was DC.

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor
around, and put back the bolts.

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

************************************************** **********************************
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly): "Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment
or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is
installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

************************************************** ************************************************** **********

TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************** **********************************
Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations
throughout the class

************************************************** **********************************
The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be
possible)

************************************************** **********************************
Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm
Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

************************************************** **********************************
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

************************************************** **********

[divyaashimix]

thanx...divya

more.....this time thode technical.....
Best answer by B.E students during viva..............

This is best answer by B.E students during viva.
>---------------------> This one is for those who had nightmares during
their Engineering
Viva's (EEEs and ECEs). They bring back fond memories for those who
care
to smile at the past…

************************************************** ************************************************** **********
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in
A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and
requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

************************************************** **********************************
External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To
pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes
straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes
UP,
DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" -------------------
good one : - )

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If
it gets stuck, it was DC.

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor
around, and put back the bolts.

************************************************** **********************************
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

************************************************** **********************************
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly): "Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment
or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is
installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

************************************************** ************************************************** **********

TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************** **********************************
Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations
throughout the class

************************************************** **********************************
The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be
possible)

************************************************** **********************************
Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm
Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

************************************************** **********************************
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

************************************************** **********



great going yarrr!
dam kkoooolllll!!!!!:)

[animateash]

hey amit awsoem and no1 commented on mien except amit and guru

[guru_sal]

http://www.foolzparadize.org/

[divyaashimix]

http://www.foolzparadize.org/
thankx for the link.....

[tukz]

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his
coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the
large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed
again.
It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked,

"Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied.

"I'm a gynecologist"....

[amit@bitspilani]

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his
coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the
large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed
again.
It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked,

"Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied.

"I'm a gynecologist"....
heheheh!!!!
nice cool joke bitasta!!!

[tukz]

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or
so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very
well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he
could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick"!

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked these questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: No, We have a carport and don't need a grudge.

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read
label. It say "Polish Remover"

[tukz]

Que: - What is the height of stupidity?
Ans: - 2 sardarjis sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a
window seat

************************************************** *******************

once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and
says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,
Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
************************************************** *******************

A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was
curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? The
Sardar didn't know proper English, he said "Milk
sleeping in night, morning becomes tight"

************************************************** *******************

Sardar1: - Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2: -Birla cement
Sardar1: -Kyun?
Sardar2: - Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

************************************************** *******************

Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has
two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
It is for people who can't swim!

************************************************** *******************

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

************************************************** *******************

Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

************************************************** *******************

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas
color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shop owner. Santa
Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

************************************************** *******************

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly
hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Sala Break nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab
break kya alag se maroon??????????????????? ‘

************************************************** *******************

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. 'Ek
Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was
given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man
asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of
Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean
by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my
wife' replied Banta Singh.

[tukz]

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000
and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a
newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me
asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order
taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're
29?"
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about
himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I
was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand
down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able
to tell your exact age."
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let
her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47,"
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's".


One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a
computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper
than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer
will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it
only costs $10.00.
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise
and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a
small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how
it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together
some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his
wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,
flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap
water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him
with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
elbow will never get better.

[tukz]

The Nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one Sunday
Morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven "Which
part of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?
" Suzie replied:"Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
legs." The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now,
Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have
lost her."


Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed that Bill's wife Sue, legs spread wide, wasn't wearing
any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again,
hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed
he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After
taking a minute or two to assess the financial as well as the moral costs
of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested. She tells
him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John
doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2.00 Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the
planned time with Sue at 2:00 PM sharp and after paying her the agreed sum
of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their sexual transaction as
Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home
from work at 6:00 PM and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly,
"Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
A little worried, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly stopped when her husband curtly asked," And did he
give you $500?"
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, and after
mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me
$500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

[tukz]

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining
and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mommy," said the
little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him
the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His
mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies
those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.




Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy
standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him,
looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch penis, testicles 3
lbs. each, Turner Brown."
Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor.
The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and
shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok??"
In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say
to me?"
The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just
figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks
me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs., have a 20 inch penis, my testicles
weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown."
Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said "Turn Around."

[tukz]

Latest 3 SMS Messages

• I hate u when u smile at me coz u make me crazy. I
hate u when u
talk to me coz u make me run out of words. I hate u
when I see u coz u
make me luv u more.

Smile in pleasure, smile in pain; Smile when
trouble pours like
rain; Smile when someone hurts U, Smile coz someone
cares 4 U. Keep Smiling

Life is like cotton- Don't make it heavier by
sinking it in Water of
Sorrow, but make it lighter by letting it blow in the
Wind of Joy!!!


• I hate u when u smile at me coz u make me crazy. I
hate u when u
talk to me coz u make me run out of words. I hate u
when I see u coz u
make me luv u more.

• Smile in pleasure, smile in pain; Smile when
trouble pours like
rain; Smile when someone hurts U, Smile coz someone
cares 4 U. Keep
Smiling.


• Life is like cotton- Don't make it heavier by
sinking it in Water of
Sorrow, but make it lighter by letting it blow in the
Wind of Joy!!!


• If you woke up this morning with more health than
illness...you are
more blessed than the million who will not survive
this week.


A lonely tear is set out free,
i'm sitting alone for all to see;
u'r far away, how can it be?
My heart cries out,"Come back to me!!"

• New Year is the time to unfold new horizons &
realize new dreams,
to rediscover the strength & faith within u, to
rejoice in simple
pleasures & gear up 4 a new challenges. Wishin u a
truly fulfilling 2006

· "May this new year all your dreams turn into reality
and all your
efforts into great achievements"· "Hoping that this
new year leads you
towards path of new found glories"· "May each day of
the coming year be
vibrant and new bringing along many reasons for
celebrations"· "Here is a
wishing that the coming y"May this new year bring many
opportunities
your way to explore every joy of life"· ear is a
glorious one that
rewards all your future endeavors with success"· "On
the onset of new year
sending you the warmest of wishes"


• A LATE NIGHT GREETING DOSENT ONLY MEAN GOODNIGHT IT
HAS A SILENT
MESG SAYIN...... U R MY LAST THOUGHT AT NIGHT.....

[amit@bitspilani]

hey bhaggu!!!!
awesome jokes....
kya baat itne jokes!!!!
mood kaaf mast lagta hai!!!kyun >>>:D :D :D :D

[animateash]

hey guru and tukz kool ones

[tukz]

hey amit n ash thnx a lot.......

[tukz]

READ HER SENSE OF HUMOR . . . N NJOY



A "Mallu" female ( from the heart of Kerala)





Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.






When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,


His mind was screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.



So he told her " If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance."


The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ."




The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : " I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW...... BLUE's that?
WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don' t PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?




Thankyou." The Manager fainted..... ..

[tukz]

SOME TIPS FOR IMPROVING LEAVE LETTERS.....



This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people

in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my

wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was

performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was

performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for

it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may

not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request

you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home

I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist

and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the

past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am

applying for the post.

[tukz]

MUNNA BHAIN M.B.B.S ON PRACTICE

Munna Bhai nay pehlay din office khola to bara khush tha. Us ki secertary nay bataya ke bahar aik aadmi aaya hai. Munna bara khush hua aur usay andar aanay ke liye kaha. Us ke andar aanay say pehlay Munna nay socha ke us par impression dalna chahiye aur phone utha ke batien karnay laga.

"Haan Haan! 500 rupay fees hai, apun 10 baje tak betha hai idher, is say late nahi karnay ka, apun bahut busy hai".

Us ke baad us nay phone rakha aur aanay walay say poocha "Beth na Maamoon, apun teray liye kya kar sakta hai?"

Man: Mien phone sahi karnay aaya hoon.
===========

Munna: Meray paas aik buri khabar hai, aur aik buhat hi buri khabar hai teray wastay.
Patient: Acha to pehlay buri khabar suna daal.
Munna: Apun ke paas jo teri report pahunchi us mien likha tha ke teray paas sirf 24 ghantay hain zinda
rehnay ke liye.
Patient: Sirf 24 ghantay. is say buri khabar kya ho sakti hai.
Munna: (Jadu ki Japhhi Dalte Hoauy) Mien kal say teray tak pahunchnay ki koshish kar raha hoon.

===========
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.
===========

Munna: Bolay to Apun ko tera operation dobara karna paray ga. Kyun ke apun kay rubber ke gloves teray andar hi reh gaye hain.
Patient: Agar yeh baat hai to mujhay jaanay do. Mien tumharay gloves ki payment kar doon ga.
===========

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here, then touches her earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien dard hai.
===========

Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.
===========

Aik patient Munnabhai k paas aaya, Munna nay us ka chekup kiya aur bola
Munna: Tumharay pass ziyada waqt nahi hai
Patient: Meray pass kitna time hai.
Munna: Dus (10)
Patient: Kya Dus.... Minute..... Ghantay.......... Din......?
Munna: No (9), Aath (8), Saat (7),.......
===========

Raat ka time jab Munna aur chinkie apnay bed room mien so rahay thay to phone ki ghanti baji.
Voice: Aray Doctor sahab jaldi aayeay! Meray betay nay blade kha liya hai
Munna abhi jaanay ke liye tayyar hi hota ke dobara phone aata hai.
Voice: Doctor Sahab! Ab aanay ki koi zaroorat nahi, meray husband ko shave ke liye doosra blade mil gaya hai.
===========

Aanand jab end mien bachon ko story sunata hai to bolta hai;
Aanand: "Munna nay kaha tha ke woh mujhay aik month mien meray feet pay khara kar de ga"
Bachay: Phir?
Aanand: "Phir kya, mujhay us ka bill pay karnay ke liye apni car bechna pari."
===========

Munna: Apna munn kholo.....
Patient opens his mouth: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa..........
Munna throws his torch light in his mouth: Hmmmmmmm..... Torch sahi hai.
===========
Chinkie: Tum hamaisha clinic mien apnay saath meri photo bhi kyun le jaatay ho.
Munna: Apun ko jab bhi koi mushkil aati hai, apun tumhari picture dekh leta hoon aur woh problem solve ho jaati hai.
Chinkie: Dekha! Mien tumharay liye kitni achi aur powerful hoon.
Munna: Haan! Apun teri picture dekhta hai aur apnay aap say bolta hai "Is say bari bhi koi problem ho sakti hai bhala."
===========

Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison ka kaam karta hai.
Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.

[divyaashimix]

MUNNA BHAIN M.B.B.S ON PRACTICE

Munna Bhai nay pehlay din office khola to bara khush tha. Us ki secertary nay bataya ke bahar aik aadmi aaya hai. Munna bara khush hua aur usay andar aanay ke liye kaha. Us ke andar aanay say pehlay Munna nay socha ke us par impression dalna chahiye aur phone utha ke batien karnay laga.

"Haan Haan! 500 rupay fees hai, apun 10 baje tak betha hai idher, is say late nahi karnay ka, apun bahut busy hai".

Us ke baad us nay phone rakha aur aanay walay say poocha "Beth na Maamoon, apun teray liye kya kar sakta hai?"

Man: Mien phone sahi karnay aaya hoon.
===========

Munna: Meray paas aik buri khabar hai, aur aik buhat hi buri khabar hai teray wastay.
Patient: Acha to pehlay buri khabar suna daal.
Munna: Apun ke paas jo teri report pahunchi us mien likha tha ke teray paas sirf 24 ghantay hain zinda
rehnay ke liye.
Patient: Sirf 24 ghantay. is say buri khabar kya ho sakti hai.
Munna: (Jadu ki Japhhi Dalte Hoauy) Mien kal say teray tak pahunchnay ki koshish kar raha hoon.

===========
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.
===========

Munna: Bolay to Apun ko tera operation dobara karna paray ga. Kyun ke apun kay rubber ke gloves teray andar hi reh gaye hain.
Patient: Agar yeh baat hai to mujhay jaanay do. Mien tumharay gloves ki payment kar doon ga.
===========

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here, then touches her earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien dard hai.
===========

Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.
===========

Aik patient Munnabhai k paas aaya, Munna nay us ka chekup kiya aur bola
Munna: Tumharay pass ziyada waqt nahi hai
Patient: Meray pass kitna time hai.
Munna: Dus (10)
Patient: Kya Dus.... Minute..... Ghantay.......... Din......?
Munna: No (9), Aath (8), Saat (7),.......
===========

Raat ka time jab Munna aur chinkie apnay bed room mien so rahay thay to phone ki ghanti baji.
Voice: Aray Doctor sahab jaldi aayeay! Meray betay nay blade kha liya hai
Munna abhi jaanay ke liye tayyar hi hota ke dobara phone aata hai.
Voice: Doctor Sahab! Ab aanay ki koi zaroorat nahi, meray husband ko shave ke liye doosra blade mil gaya hai.
===========

Aanand jab end mien bachon ko story sunata hai to bolta hai;
Aanand: "Munna nay kaha tha ke woh mujhay aik month mien meray feet pay khara kar de ga"
Bachay: Phir?
Aanand: "Phir kya, mujhay us ka bill pay karnay ke liye apni car bechna pari."
===========

Munna: Apna munn kholo.....
Patient opens his mouth: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa..........
Munna throws his torch light in his mouth: Hmmmmmmm..... Torch sahi hai.
===========
Chinkie: Tum hamaisha clinic mien apnay saath meri photo bhi kyun le jaatay ho.
Munna: Apun ko jab bhi koi mushkil aati hai, apun tumhari picture dekh leta hoon aur woh problem solve ho jaati hai.
Chinkie: Dekha! Mien tumharay liye kitni achi aur powerful hoon.
Munna: Haan! Apun teri picture dekhta hai aur apnay aap say bolta hai "Is say bari bhi koi problem ho sakti hai bhala."
===========

Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison ka kaam karta hai.
Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.


hey TUKZ....
great yaarrr!!
as usual.......:)

[luckysd]

READ HER SENSE OF HUMOR . . . N NJOY



A "Mallu" female ( from the heart of Kerala)





Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.






When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,


His mind was screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.



So he told her " If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance."


The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ."




The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : " I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW...... BLUE's that?
WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don' t PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?




Thankyou." The Manager fainted..... ..
hey tukz this particular one is really awesum...................it made me laugh a lot:D :D :D :D

[amit@bitspilani]

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport
Left" she turned around and went home

[amit@bitspilani]

hey amit n ash thnx a lot.......
u r most welcome!!!

[guru_sal]

hey amit bro nice ones

ek sardar ne ek ladki ko ulti topi pehna dekha .
usne socha kyun na main bhi kuch hatke karu
usne apna turban ulta pehna
uska ek frnd aa raha tha usne usse puchcha
o sardar jee aap aa rahe ho ki jaa rahe ho

[amit@bitspilani]

hey amit bro nice ones

ek sardar ne ek ladki ko ulti topi pehna dekha .
usne socha kyun na main bhi kuch hatke karu
usne apna turban ulta pehna
uska ek frnd aa raha tha usne usse puchcha
o sardar jee aap aa rahe ho ki jaa rahe ho
thanx dude....
n nice joke!!!!

[tukz]

divs n lucky thnx a lot n guru nicw joke..luvd it

[tukz]

Sardar 1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:-Birla cement
Sardar1:-Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

*********************************************

Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

*********************************************

A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table.
The guest asked what is this?
The Sardar didn't know English, he said "Milk sleeping in night, morning
becomes tight"

*********************************************

Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He is thinking for a
novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did one thing, he bought the
ticket and didn't travel.

*********************************************

A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line
said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. Its 1258."


*********************************************

What is the height of stupidity?
2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

*********************************************

Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming
pools,one of which is always empty?
It's for people who can't swim!

*********************************************

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

*********************************************

What do you call a Sardarji in a deep well?
A deep thinker..

*********************************************

Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

*********************************************

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

*********************************************

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl! So girl
shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se
maroon??!!!'

*********************************************

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter
with two men ahead of him.
Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh.

[guru_sal]

Sardar 1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:-Birla cement
Sardar1:-Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

*********************************************

Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

*********************************************

A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table.
The guest asked what is this?
The Sardar didn't know English, he said "Milk sleeping in night, morning
becomes tight"

*********************************************

Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He is thinking for a
novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did one thing, he bought the
ticket and didn't travel.

*********************************************

A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line
said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. Its 1258."


*********************************************

What is the height of stupidity?
2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

*********************************************

Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming
pools,one of which is always empty?
It's for people who can't swim!

*********************************************

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

*********************************************

What do you call a Sardarji in a deep well?
A deep thinker..

*********************************************

Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

*********************************************

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

*********************************************

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl! So girl
shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se
maroon??!!!'

*********************************************

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter
with two men ahead of him.
Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh.
hey tukz nice ones ,
hey aap ko ye jokes kahan se milte hai .
bas abhi inme se 4 -5 main bhi post karne wala tha .
waise to ek hi baat hai
me post karu ya aap kyunki jokes to yaheen rehenge .na

[guru_sal]

bhulne wale hume bhula jate hai
dil se hum unke nikal jate hai
hoti nahi jab jarrurat hamari dosto ko
hum kahan kisi ko yaad aate hai




sometimes my mind asks y i miss u ?
y i care for u ?
y i remember u ?
y i send jokes to u ?
den my heart answered me its simply
coz hum dono hi wele hai

[guru_sal]

oye mere yaar mere mercidis car ,mere guitar ,
mere dil ke taar ,mere rotiyon ke achar ,
mere motiyo ke haar
chal ek do jokes post kar yaaar




gold rate keeps on increasing
day by day
i'm worried about u
b carful some1 may
kidnap u
coz u r a gem wid a :::
24 carat golden heart

[guru_sal]

gandhiji ne kaha hai
koi jokes post kare ya na kare
tum post karte raho
uski aatma jarur jagegi.
so get well soon




tanha rehna to seek liya humne
par khush na kabhi reh payenge
teri duri to phir bhi seh li is dil ne
par teri dosti k e bin na jee payenge

[guru_sal]

PALBHAR ME TOOT JAE WO HUM NAHI
DOSTON KO BHUL JAE WO HUM NAHI
TUM HUME BHUL JAO IS BAAT ME DUM NAHI
KYUNKI TUM HUME BHUL JAO ITNE BURE HUM NAHI







GUL NE GULSHAN SE GULFAM BHEJA HAI
SITARE NE AASMAN SE SALAAM BHEJA HAI
LAG JAE AAPKO HAMARI KHUSHIYAN
DIL SE YE HUMNE PAIGAM BHEJA HAI

[amit@bitspilani]

nice one bitasta!!!!!!

aur guru!!!!!
wah kya enthu hai yaar.....
keep it up....

[amit@bitspilani]

Bihar Driving License..... ..
Hello Friends,
This is Driving license application form in Bihar...

Bihar Driving License..... ..
================================================== ==================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
--------------------------------------------------------------------


NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_)
Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other
-__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy
thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use
your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on
lepht hand.

[abhilasha]

Bihar Driving License..... ..
Hello Friends,
This is Driving license application form in Bihar...

Bihar Driving License..... ..
================================================== ==================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
--------------------------------------------------------------------


NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_)
Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other
-__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy
thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use
your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on
lepht hand.




HEY AMIT,
AWESOME 1 YAAR!!!!!!!!:D :)

[amit@bitspilani]

HEY AMIT,
AWESOME 1 YAAR!!!!!!!!:D :)
thanx abhilasha!!!!

[guru_sal]

nice one bitasta!!!!!!

aur guru!!!!!
wah kya enthu hai yaar.....
keep it up....
hey bro thankz a lot
and ya dat was really nice one

[tukz]

hey thnx amit really kul1 luvd it...

Long ago, a clever mathematician used to cheat people. Once he borrowed Rs.4000/- from a rich man. After a few days, he borrowed Rs.2000/- from the same man. Many days passed, the mathematician did not return the money to the rich man. The rich man went to the mathematician and
asked to return the money. But to his great surprise, the mathematician replied that there is no need to pay the debt.

"See here, friend" said the mathematician " the sum of 4000 and 2000 is equal to zero, so I do not have any balance to pay".

The rich man took the matter to the court. When the judge came to know this, he was astonished. He asked the mathematician to prove that sum of 4000 and 2000 is zero, and not 6000.

The Clever mathematician agreed.

He said:
let a = 4000, b = 2000 and c = 6000

a + b = c

Multiply both sides by a + b

(a + b) (a + b) = c (a + b)

a*a + ab + ba + b*b = ca + cb

a*a + ab - ca = cb - b*b - ba

a( a + b -c) = -b(b + a - c)

so a = - b

a + b = 0

Hence by putting the values of "a" and "b" as 4000 and 2000
respectively, their sum is zero, so the mathematician saw no need to pay any money to the rich man.

The above calculation has no doubt surprised you as it did the judge.

[tukz]

Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God

[tukz]

Mom to her notorious girl: Tell me the name of the bastard, who made
you pregnant.
Girl: Hey mom, after eating a dozen bananas, can u tell which one made you fat?
-----------
Women is the best vehicle in the world.
Front - 2 bumpers!
Back - 2 bumpers!
Self lubricating when hot!
Monthly automatic engine oil change!
Every type of piston fits!

------------------------------
**Season Dhamaka**
Send your girlfriend to me and get a child free..
Hurry! First 10 lucky winners will get twins.
-----------------------
Q: What do you do on mother's day?
A: Help girls in becoming mothers.
----------------
MAN TO PRIEST: FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED I USUALLY READ
DIRTY JOKES AND VIEW PICTURES OF GIRLS ON MY MOBILE
PRIEST:FOWARD UR SINS TO ME!
----------------
What's common between the SUN & WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?

1) both are hot.
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night............
-------------------
Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,
But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men...
---------------------
Smoking reduces ur life by 5 mins.
Sex increases ur life by 10 min.

So the conclusion is that a ****ing smoker never dies!.
--------------------
A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten **** me again.
----------------------------
Teacher : What do you want to become????
Sam : Doctor...!!!!!
Teacher : Why????
Sam : Bcoz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take
off her clothes & ask her Husband to pay 4 it....!!!!
----------------------
John asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with granny?"
Grandpa: "Yes,but only oral."
John says: "What is oral?"
Grandpa: "I say **** you, and she says: **** you 2."
--------------------
Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case!
--------------
Who is stronger man/woman?
A. woman, coz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts
only 2 stones and that with help of a crane.

[tukz]

Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai....udhar kal khudega!

================================================== ==============

Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
to rab se sikayat hogi....
Ek to jhela nahi jata
dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!

================================================== ==============

Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...
tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya
paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!

================================================== ==============
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!

================================================== ==============

He: Janeman, is dil mein chali aao
She: Sandal nikaloon kya!
He: Pagli, ye mandir nahi hai, aise hi aajao...

================================================== ==============

Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!

================================================== ==============

Mein Tumhare Liye Sab Kuch Karta..Magar Mujhe Kaam Tha......
Mein Tumhare Liye Doob Ke Marta...Magar Mujhe Zukham Tha !

================================================== ==============

Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
yu aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
sidhe upar chale aana!!

================================================== ==============

Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unho ne phool phenka..gamla bhi saath tha!!

================================================== ==============

Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khyal aaya!!

================================================== ==============

Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho.....
Itna qatil kaise sharma lete ho.....
Kitni aasani se Jaan le lete ho.....
Kisi ne sikhaya hai... ya bachpan se hi kamine ho ??


================================================== ==============

koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko......
abbey aage bhi to bol
nuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko!!!!!

================================================== ==============

Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!

[tukz]

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two
large
bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out
and
finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and
has
the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand
in
the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags,
hefts
them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the
border on his bike.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal,
meets
him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad .

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's
driving
me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

[amit@bitspilani]

nice kool jokes!!!!!

[tukz]

nice kool jokes!!!!!
thnx amit..

[tukz]

A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person.



So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.







HE WROTE :



Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation, I have a strong indication to become your relation.




As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication, that I have passed my matriculation examination (no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation) .





What do you say to the solemnization of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilization and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation. On your approbation of the application,





I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.






Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion; To remain victim of your fascination.







SHE ANSWERED :



Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,



Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.




You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimumqualificatio n for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation undergo beautification.



Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.





1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.


2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,


3. Procreation must not be your recreation.


In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.


I Remain, unaffected by your affection.

[divyaashimix]

hey bhaggu TUKZ !!!!!!!!
I think that this thread is exclusively made for you and guru_sal yaarrr!!!!!!
AWESOME WORK !!!!!!

[tukz]

hey bhaggu TUKZ !!!!!!!!
I think that this thread is exclusively made for you and guru_sal yaarrr!!!!!!
AWESOME WORK !!!!!!
thnx a lot divs....herez nother1

Haathi Weds Machchharni!
Ek baar ek Haathi (male) aur ek Machhar (female) mein pyaar ho jata hai.
Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai. Sab log bate karne lagte hain. Akhir sharmakar, machhar haathi se bolti hai "Abhi apun dono ko shaadi kar leni chahiye
..duniya wale bahut bate karne lage hain... mera jeena mushkil ho gaya hain."
Machchhar ke ghar vale mana kar dete hain shadi se.....
Now the question for you is "Kyon?"
..
..
..
..
..
Guess
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Socho Socho
.
.
.
.
.
.
Vo kehte hain ki Ladke ke Daant bahar nikle huye hain..
Par pyar kiya to darna kya... Ab dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai...
isliye dono Marriage Registrar ke yahan application dete hain aur ek mahine baad registered
marriage karte hain...

Phir dono honeymoon ka plan karte hain...
Dono Kerala jate hai (with Kesari Tours)...
Honeymoon hone ke baad jab doosre din subah haathi ki aakh khulti hai to
dektha hai ki bechari machhar mar gayi hai...
yes...she is dead...;-)
Now the question for you is "Kyon?"
..
..
..
..
Guess...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ......... ..
..
..
I know wht ur thinking.... .....
..
..
..
..but the answer is...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Because, hathi raat ko "Goodnight mat" laga ke sota
hai.

[tukz]

> ----- > > > > Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Ok
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Made in India
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Keep it Up
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Put it Down
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Maxi Mum
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Mini Dad
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : I say you get out!
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
>> > > > > >> Interviewer : I reject you!
>> > > > > >> Banta Singh : You Appoint me
>> > > > > >> Interviewer: ........!!!!!!!
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > > Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito
>> > > > > >> and a fly?
>> > > > > >> Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
>> > > > > >> ================================================== =====
>> > > > > >>
>> > > > > >>
>> > > > > >> Banta: When did George Washington die?
>> > > > > >> Santa: two days before his funeral.
>> > > >
>> > >
>> >
>>
>>
>
>

[tukz]

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use

it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it?



2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to

parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts.

The child is not a United States citizen. How is

this possible?



3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the

highest mountain on Earth?



4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her

birthday is always in the summer. How is this

possible?



5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were

exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one

about how his grandfather led a battalion against a

German division during World War I. Through

brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured

valuable territory. After the battle he was

presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To

Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership.

World War I. From the Men of Battalion "Captain

Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't

expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's

wrong with the story?



6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless

of their religion or politics, agree is between

heaven and earth?



7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in

the same year?



8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more

than 1989 American dollar bills?



9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many

are left?



10. How many times can you subtract the number 5

from 25?



11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words

"new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one

correct answer.



12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the

Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?



13. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg

are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?



14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture

of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?



15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting

in line for admission to the International Home

Show," One of them was the father of the other's

son. How could this be possible?



16. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall.

What does he weigh?





=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=











*ANSWERS*





1. A coffin.



2. The child was born before 1776.



3. Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).



4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.



5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until

World War II.



6. The word "and".



7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year's

Day just arrives very early in the year and

Christmas arrives very late in the same year.



8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills

are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine

hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.



9. Nine.





10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from

20.





11. "One word"





12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.





13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.





14. You have to take a picture of a man with a

camera, not with a wooden leg.





15. They were husband and wife.

[guru_sal]

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use

it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it?



2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to

parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts.

The child is not a United States citizen. How is

this possible?



3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the

highest mountain on Earth?



4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her

birthday is always in the summer. How is this

possible?



5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were

exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one

about how his grandfather led a battalion against a

German division during World War I. Through

brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured

valuable territory. After the battle he was

presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To

Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership.

World War I. From the Men of Battalion "Captain

Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't

expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's

wrong with the story?



6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless

of their religion or politics, agree is between

heaven and earth?



7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in

the same year?



8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more

than 1989 American dollar bills?



9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many

are left?



10. How many times can you subtract the number 5

from 25?



11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words

"new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one

correct answer.



12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the

Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?



13. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg

are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?



14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture

of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?



15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting

in line for admission to the International Home

Show," One of them was the father of the other's

son. How could this be possible?



16. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall.

What does he weigh?





=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=











*ANSWERS*





1. A coffin.



2. The child was born before 1776.



3. Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).



4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.



5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until

World War II.



6. The word "and".



7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year's

Day just arrives very early in the year and

Christmas arrives very late in the same year.



8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills

are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine

hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.



9. Nine.





10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from

20.





11. "One word"





12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.





13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.





14. You have to take a picture of a man with a

camera, not with a wooden leg.





15. They were husband and wife.
hey good yaar keep posting . good work but itne milte kahan se hai

[luckysd]

hey tukz all ur jokes r really awesum................Just fantastic:D

[amit@bitspilani]

awesome jokes tukz ...as usual!!!!


read this one:


A teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class
the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.
Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the . . . bug is close.
It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.
You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
No news is . . . impossible.
A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
You can't teach an old dog . . . math.
If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust . . . me.
The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
A penny saved is . . . not much.
Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers

[guru_sal]

awesome jokes tukz ...as usual!!!!


read this one:


A teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class
the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.
Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the . . . bug is close.
It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.
You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
No news is . . . impossible.
A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
You can't teach an old dog . . . math.
If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust . . . me.
The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
A penny saved is . . . not much.
Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers



HEY BRO KEEP GOING

[guru_sal]

professor : UNFORTUNATELY IF EARTH STARTS
ROTATING 30 TIMES FASTER
DEN NOW .WAT WILL HAPPEN?
SARDAR= OYE BALLE BALLE ,
WE WILL GET SALARY DAILY

[guru_sal]

KOI DOST AISA BANAYA JAE
JISKIE ANSOU KO PALKO
MEIN CHUPAYA JAE
RAHE USKA MERA RISHTA KUCH AISA
KI AGAR WOH UDAS BHI HO TO
HUMSE BHI NA MUSKURAYA JAE




2 LOVERS PLANNED 2 SUICIDE
BOY JUMPED 1st
GAL CLOSES HER EYES AND RETURNS BACK
SAYING ,''LOVE IS BLIND''
BOY IN AIR OPENS HIS PARA****E
SAYING '' LOVE NEVER DIES''

[guru_sal]

EK SHARABI MARAN LAGIYA
TAN RAB PARGAT HO GAYA
''BACHCHA TERI KOI AAKHRI ICHCHA
TAN DAS DE
SHARABI: IK ICHA TE HAI
AGLE JANM WICH 3 LIVER LAA K BHEJEO







U MAY HAV 10 PPLE 2 TALK
U MAY HAV 100 PPLE 2 CARE
U MAY HAV 1000 PPLE 2 LUV
BUT U HAV ONLY 1 CRAZY FRND WHO DISTURBS U ALWAYS
AND DATS MEE ME

[guru_sal]

welcome 2 www.dosti .com
KHUSHI K LIYE 1 DABAYE
HASNE K LIYE 2 DABAYE
DOSTI K LIYE 3 DABAYE
MER SE ****KARA PAANE K LIYE
''APNA GALA DABAYE






RAB HAR NAJAR SE BACHE APKO
CHAND SITARO SE SAJAYE AAPKO
GAM HOTA HAI KYA ,
BHOOL JAYE AAP
RAB JINDGI MEIN ITNA HASAYE AAPKO

[amit@bitspilani]

nice jokes!!!!
i really liked that sardar wala joke.........

[guru_sal]

Hey Guyz Mere Keyboard Ke Kuch Buttons Kaam Nahi Kar Rahe
Alphabets = 3 , 8, 23, 22 R Not Working

[guru_sal]

y gals close der eyes
while kissing a guy...........
ladkiyan bhi na.................
ladko ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.......






a son at college wanted more money
so he sent a telegram 2 father
NO MONEY , NO FUN , YR SON
D FATHER REPLIED
HOW SAD, TOO BAD, YR DAD








KHUDA NE SANSAR BANAYA
AUR SO GAYA
INSAAN BANAYA FIR SO GAYA
AURAT BANAY ,NA KHUD SOYA
NA KISSI AUR KO SONE DIYA

[guru_sal]

nice jokes!!!!
i really liked that sardar wala joke.........
HEY THANKZ A LLOT

[amit@bitspilani]

[QUOTE=guru_sal]HEY THANKZ A LLOT[/QUOTur most welcome!!!!!!!!!1

[luckysd]

hey guru really nice jokes................good work:D

[Sid_devon]

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a graveside burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that:D :D :D

[tukz]

hey guru n sid awesom kip it up

[tukz]

hey evry1 thnx 4 likin my jokes......

[tukz]

educated dogss

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j79/tuky_queen/funlokcom2nj7.jpg

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j79/tuky_queen/funlokcomjj7.jpg

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j79/tuky_queen/funlokcom1mj5.jpg

[tukz]

1) What's the definition of the bravest man in the
world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and
smelling of perfume,
then slaps his wife on the backside and
says: "You're next, fatty."

********************************



2) Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his
arm while his wife is
lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've
got a headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the
sheep."



********************************

3) A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife
packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to London . I heard
prostitutes there get paid
£400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into
the bedroom and sees
her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm
coming too I want to
see how you live on £800 a year".



*********************************



A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where
she selected: 2 litres
of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange
juice, a head of
lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee,
a 250g pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt
to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed
the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the
drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but she was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed

single. She looked at her six items on the belt and
saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could
have tipped off the
Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well,
you know what, you're
absolutely correct. But how on earth did
you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

[tukz]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet (now there's something to visualize)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.(go for that loooonnnngg kiss..)

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday. (yuck!)

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. (now there's a diet)

You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.(and people fear spider!)

Righthanded people live, on average, nine years longer than lefthanded people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
(is that a recipe for celibacy or sexy?)

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
(no problem. it does not have sex for pleasure anyways!)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight
and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)

Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....?,Who cares!)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
That makes the catfish #1 for the animal having the most taste buds.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head,
before it starves to death. (Creepy!)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez!)

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.(understandable)

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too!)

[tukz]

M I S T A K E



If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...



If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident..



If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation..



If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...



If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...



If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...



If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...



If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...



If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory...



If a student makes a mistake,
It is a MISTAKE.

[tukz]

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked,


"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does
it cost?"

"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and
pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa
will pay the bill," she smiled.

[divyaashimix]

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked,


"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does
it cost?"

"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and
pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa
will pay the bill," she smiled.
great ones yaarrr tukz..
hey congrats friends..
REMIX forum has completed 100 threads..........
wwwwwwwwwooooooowwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[guru_sal]

Hey Tukz All Were Awesome
Dogs Ki Pics To Gr8

And Divu Gr8 Siggy

[tukz]

thnx divs n guru n how cum remix forum itni jaldi 100 threads complete kar le...

[tukz]

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the

bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her

lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in

the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks
the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go

outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...

that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to

church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...."

[tukz]

Very Helpful for your Interviews J

1.Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4.What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...

5.What is your biggest strength?

Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6.What is your biggest weakness?

Girls

7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8.What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11.What do you want from this job?

If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14.What is the salary expected and how do justify that?

Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard

(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

[tukz]

EK sher BY doctor=Hoon mai doctor jahan,meri wife hai nurse waha,Yeh kaisa julm sehna PADTA hai,mujhe apni wife ko SISTER KEHNA PADTA hai..



Jo sagar NE kaha lehron se, Jo ped NE kaha patto se, Jo phoolon NE kaha kaliyon se, wohi main tumhe kehta Hun, aey chal chal hawa aane de



Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni Girlfriend Ko Pehle Apna AASHIQ BANAYA Phir Usne CHOCOLATE Main ZEHER Milakar Uska MURDER Karvaya.Girlfriend Ne Uske AKSAR Khwaab Me Aakar Kaha TUM SA NAHI DEKHA To Imraan Hashmi Ne Kaha Is KALYUG Me JAWANI DIWANI Hai.



HAR KHUSI KO TERI TARAF MOD DENGE, TERE LIYE CHAND TARE TOD DENGE, TERE LIYE KHUSIYON KE DARVAAJE KHOL DENGE, 1 BAAR HAS KE TO DIKHA TERE SAARE DAAT TOD DENGE HA..HA..HA..



Ek aishwaarya thi deewani is shahrukh pe wo marti thi, najre jhukake,Sharma ke hritik ki galiyo se gujarti thi, chori chori salman ko chittiya likha karti thi kuch kahena tha shayad ajay se par na Jane kis se darti thi jab bhi milti thi vivek se hamesha pucha karti thi imran kaisa hai



Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai. Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain



Jab hota hai tera didar,Dil dhadkta hai baar-baar Jab hota hai tera didar,Dil dhadkta hai baar-baar .....Aadat se majboor ho tum Jane kab maang lo udhaar



Gulaab ko bhi Kamal bana deter,Uski ek Ada pe Kai gazal bana dete...Kambhakt marti nahi mujh par ladkiyaan,Warna LUCKNOW me bhi TAJMAHAL bana dete...



Aaj kuch gahbraye se lagte ho,Thand mein kampkapaye se lagte ho... Nikhar kar aayi hai surat aapki,Bahut dino baad nahaye se lagte ho...Good Morning...



Girlfriend Ko I LUV U Bolna Hai? Balance Khatam ? Ab Kya Karoge ? Kabutar K Gale Mein Bandh K CHITTHI Bhejoge ? Nahi Na.......... Main Batata Hoon Kya Karna Hai.... Girlfriend Ka Number Mujhe De Doge Main I LUV U Boldeta Hoon!



Hamari tumahari dosti duniya ke liye ek mishl hai tumhe dekha to esa laga kya mal hai is mal ko pane ke liye bichaya jal hai pa kambhakat collage ka akhiri sal hai



I l I lo I lov I love I love you... I love you the most. I love you the best. I love you a lot.. Bcoz MENAKA GANDHI said People should LOVE animals



Ladkiyon ke college me strike thi,Ladke bhi unke saath the..Ladkiyon NE naara lagaya...HUMARI MAANGE Pichhe se awaaz aayi SINDHUR SE BHARO....



Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua, Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua, Masti Ka mastaana Hua, Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua




Chand pe kali ghata to aati to hogi,Sitaaron ko muskurahat aati to hogi.Tum laakh chupao duniya se magar,Akele me tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to hogi....

[divyaashimix]

EK sher BY doctor=Hoon mai doctor jahan,meri wife hai nurse waha,Yeh kaisa julm sehna PADTA hai,mujhe apni wife ko SISTER KEHNA PADTA hai..



Jo sagar NE kaha lehron se, Jo ped NE kaha patto se, Jo phoolon NE kaha kaliyon se, wohi main tumhe kehta Hun, aey chal chal hawa aane de



Imraan Hashmi Ne Apni Girlfriend Ko Pehle Apna AASHIQ BANAYA Phir Usne CHOCOLATE Main ZEHER Milakar Uska MURDER Karvaya.Girlfriend Ne Uske AKSAR Khwaab Me Aakar Kaha TUM SA NAHI DEKHA To Imraan Hashmi Ne Kaha Is KALYUG Me JAWANI DIWANI Hai.



HAR KHUSI KO TERI TARAF MOD DENGE, TERE LIYE CHAND TARE TOD DENGE, TERE LIYE KHUSIYON KE DARVAAJE KHOL DENGE, 1 BAAR HAS KE TO DIKHA TERE SAARE DAAT TOD DENGE HA..HA..HA..



Ek aishwaarya thi deewani is shahrukh pe wo marti thi, najre jhukake,Sharma ke hritik ki galiyo se gujarti thi, chori chori salman ko chittiya likha karti thi kuch kahena tha shayad ajay se par na Jane kis se darti thi jab bhi milti thi vivek se hamesha pucha karti thi imran kaisa hai



Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai. Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain



Jab hota hai tera didar,Dil dhadkta hai baar-baar Jab hota hai tera didar,Dil dhadkta hai baar-baar .....Aadat se majboor ho tum Jane kab maang lo udhaar



Gulaab ko bhi Kamal bana deter,Uski ek Ada pe Kai gazal bana dete...Kambhakt marti nahi mujh par ladkiyaan,Warna LUCKNOW me bhi TAJMAHAL bana dete...



Aaj kuch gahbraye se lagte ho,Thand mein kampkapaye se lagte ho... Nikhar kar aayi hai surat aapki,Bahut dino baad nahaye se lagte ho...Good Morning...



Girlfriend Ko I LUV U Bolna Hai? Balance Khatam ? Ab Kya Karoge ? Kabutar K Gale Mein Bandh K CHITTHI Bhejoge ? Nahi Na.......... Main Batata Hoon Kya Karna Hai.... Girlfriend Ka Number Mujhe De Doge Main I LUV U Boldeta Hoon!



Hamari tumahari dosti duniya ke liye ek mishl hai tumhe dekha to esa laga kya mal hai is mal ko pane ke liye bichaya jal hai pa kambhakat collage ka akhiri sal hai



I l I lo I lov I love I love you... I love you the most. I love you the best. I love you a lot.. Bcoz MENAKA GANDHI said People should LOVE animals



Ladkiyon ke college me strike thi,Ladke bhi unke saath the..Ladkiyon NE naara lagaya...HUMARI MAANGE Pichhe se awaaz aayi SINDHUR SE BHARO....



Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua, Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua, Masti Ka mastaana Hua, Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua




Chand pe kali ghata to aati to hogi,Sitaaron ko muskurahat aati to hogi.Tum laakh chupao duniya se magar,Akele me tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to hogi....

awesome BITASTA!!!!!!
where do you get them from???????:confused: ;)

[amit@bitspilani]

ya aewesome!!! tukz...

this is the thread where u completely ruleeeeeeee!!!

[guru_sal]

hey tukz all were awesome ,
its gr8

[guru_sal]

y is it dat
WEN STUFF GOES ON A TRUCK
ITS CALLED A SHIPMENT
AND ON A BOAT ITS CALLED CARGO?



Y DO SLOW DOWN AND
SLOW UP MEANS
D SAME THING?



Y R WISE MEN
AND WISE GUY OPPOSITES?



Y DO WE DRIVE IN A PARK
WAY AND PARK IN A DRIVEWAY?

[luckysd]

hey tukz and guru awesum jokes yaar..................tum log nahi hote to shayad ye thread survive hi na kar pata.............gr8 job yaar......continue it like this only

[guru_sal]

RICH MAN NEEDS ..........
POOR MAN HAS .............
IF U EAT .........U DIE
ONE SAME WORD IN ALL D BLANKS




EK .....LADKA.........PAR
BAITH KAR ........GEET GA RAHA THA
1 WORD IN ALL



EK .....LADKI BAJAR MEIN
........LENE GAYI.
AUR EK .........AURAT SE TAKRA GAYI
USKI SARI........GIR GAYI
IN ALL 1 WORD FITS
GUYZ PLZ TELL D ANSWER . IKNOW 1st AND 3rd
U HAV 2 TELL THE SECOND WALA[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[guru_sal]

HEY GUYZ I JUST LISTEN DAT
EK LASH STATION SE GAYAB









































KAISE HUE ?












































































































JANNE KE LIYE DEKHIYE CID
FRIDAY 10 PM

[animateash]

lucky awesxoem ones

[tukz]

The Husband Store ...
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the
Building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

[tukz]

awesome BITASTA!!!!!!
where do you get them from???????:confused: ;)
hey divs thnx a lot n newayz lets kip dat a bit secret....

[tukz]

ya aewesome!!! tukz...

this is the thread where u completely ruleeeeeeee!!!
thnx a lot bro....

[tukz]

hey tukz all were awesome ,
its gr8
thnx a lot guru

[tukz]

HEY GUYZ I JUST LISTEN DAT
EK LASH STATION SE GAYAB









































KAISE HUE ?












































































































JANNE KE LIYE DEKHIYE CID
FRIDAY 10 PM
lol guru its ossom

[tukz]

hey tukz and guru awesum jokes yaar..................tum log nahi hote to shayad ye thread survive hi na kar pata.............gr8 job yaar......continue it like this only
thnx a lot lucky

[tukz]

RICH MAN NEEDS ..........
POOR MAN HAS .............
IF U EAT .........U DIE
ONE SAME WORD IN ALL D BLANKS




EK .....LADKA.........PAR
BAITH KAR ........GEET GA RAHA THA
1 WORD IN ALL



EK .....LADKI BAJAR MEIN
........LENE GAYI.
AUR EK .........AURAT SE TAKRA GAYI
USKI SARI........GIR GAYI
IN ALL 1 WORD FITS
GUYZ PLZ TELL D ANSWER . IKNOW 1st AND 3rd
U HAV 2 TELL THE SECOND WALA[/COLOR][/SIZE]
guru ye meri kuch samajh main nahi ayi plz xplain if u can

[tukz]

guru d pther jokes vere ossom kip it up

[animateash]

hey tukz cool oens

[tukz]

hey tukz cool oens
thnx a ton ash............

[tukz]

1) what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz....
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR

2) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the...batao kyon?
kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..

3) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
..........sita with ravan

4) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
??.Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya

5) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???
Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan

6) n elephant falls in luv wid n ent.but Ant's parents r against their
marrige?guess y??
they gave a solid reason?**Ladke k data bahar hai**

7)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..
??kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..

8) Full form of MATHS????
Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students?

9) what wud u call a girl who never laughs??
Ans: hasina

[tukz]

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two
large
bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out
and
finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and
has
the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand
in
the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags,
hefts
them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the
border on his bike.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal,
meets
him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad .

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's
driving
me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

[tukz]

Subject: Tooo much !!!


A Sardarji and a Bengali, both suffering from serious diseases,

share the same room in a hospital.



They are taken violently ill and they cannot even utter a word.



After a few days of living together, the Bengali gets really bored

and wants to start off a conversation with his fellow patient.





He realises that he has not enough energy left to say a sentence;

instead he just attempts to say a word.



After much effort he turns to the Sardarji, points his finger

towards himself and says "Bengali".



Sardarji doesn't want to let the poor Bengali down who has struggled

so hard to start a conversation.



Sardarji musters all his energy and says "Punjabi" gesturing the

same way as Bengali did.



Bengali is happy now and wants to continue the conversation. After

much more effort this time he says, again pointing his finger

towards himself "Sharath Bose"





Sardarji after some effort says "Devindar Singh".



Bengali is even happier that they now know each other's names.



After some time, Bengali turns towards Sardarji and mustering all

his energy says "Cancer" - - again doing the same gesture as before.

.

.





















.

.

.

.

.

Sardarji smiles and with some effort says " Scorpio"

[tukz]

QUESTION: Define the following terms?

ANTIBODY - against everyone

ARTERY - the study of fine paintings

ASPHYXIA - get a "Butt Job"

BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria

BENIGN - what you be after you be eight

CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty

CHRONIC - neck of a crow

COMA - punctuation mark

CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse

CYST - short for sister

DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose

DILATE - the late British princess

DISLOCATION - in this place

ENEMA - not a friend

FALSE LABOR - pretending to work

GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl

HERNIA - she is close by



HYMEN - greeting to several males

IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN - hurt at work

LACTOSE - person without toes on the foot

LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss

LYMPH - walk unsteadily

MENOPAUSE - I no wait

MICROBES - small dressing gowns

PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

PROTEIN - in favour of teens

PULSE - grain

RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula

SECRETION - hiding anything

SERUM - sailors drink

SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough

SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want"

TABLET - small table

[tukz]

here r some very disgusting jokes ,

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order,
order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll
have a
scotch and soda."


Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.



1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.


Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.


Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?


Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?


Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.


Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?


Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
the game went into extra time.

[guru_sal]

1) what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz....
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR

2) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the...batao kyon?
kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..

3) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
..........sita with ravan

4) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
??.Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya

5) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???
Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan

6) n elephant falls in luv wid n ent.but Ant's parents r against their
marrige?guess y??
they gave a solid reason?**Ladke k data bahar hai**

7)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..
??kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..

8) Full form of MATHS????
Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students?

9) what wud u call a girl who never laughs??
Ans: hasina
hey tukz awesome ones

[guru_sal]

here r some very disgusting jokes ,

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order,
order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll
have a
scotch and soda."


Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.



1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.


Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.


Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?


Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?


Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.


Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?


Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
the game went into extra time.
hey tukz good ones . kahan kahan se lati ho hume bhi bata do

[guru_sal]

RICH MAN NEEDS ..........
POOR MAN HAS .............
IF U EAT .........U DIE
ONE SAME WORD IN ALL D BLANKS




EK .....LADKA.........PAR
BAITH KAR ........GEET GA RAHA THA
1 WORD IN ALL



EK .....LADKI BAJAR MEIN
........LENE GAYI.
AUR EK .........AURAT SE TAKRA GAYI
USKI SARI........GIR GAYI
IN ALL 1 WORD FITS
GUYZ PLZ TELL D ANSWER . IKNOW 1st AND 3rd
U HAV 2 TELL THE SECOND WALA[/COLOR][/SIZE]
hey guyz plz tell d answer if u know it .
and haan first wala answer is
NOTHING.

[animateash]

awesoem tukzzz

[tukz]

hey tukz awesome ones
thnx a loooooooooot guru....

[tukz]

hey guyz plz tell d answer if u know it .
and haan first wala answer is
NOTHING.
mujhe to iska matlab hi samajh me nahi ai.....

[tukz]

awesoem tukzzz
thnx a looooooot ash

[tukz]

Some Sardar Jokes


Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a
funeral
function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
. He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..



A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon in
Punjab!.

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec
a
women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED&RETIRED!

19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG
GROUP OF
19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future
tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be
light"_-=

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not
sure
as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!


SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I
SARDAR,SHE
SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s
already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is
following
me.

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr
after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return
my
20 Rs
back.!

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted
it....

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to
you'...........Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you
NEXT
YEAR.

WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll
apply
NEXT YEAR

Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died
peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all d passengers in d
car
he was driving..


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for
more..

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening
not
in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not
AM''.


One Sardar happens to be smartest among all other sardars, once
wanted
to
> > >transfer some files form one PC to another PC. Following was the
steps
> > >
> > >
> > >Followed by him.
> > >
> > >
> > >1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer
and
> > >Selected cut option.
> > >2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC
> > >3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC
where he
> > >Wanted to copy that file
> > >4) And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!
> > >
> > >
> > >Balle Balle....
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~
> > >
> > >
> > >Sardar - Why r all these people running?
> > >Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
> > >Sardar - If only the winner will get the cup, why are others
running?
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~
> > >Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
> > >Sardarji: PUNJAB.
> > >Man: Which Part?
> > >Sardarji: Oye! Part part kya kar raha hai, whole body born in
Punjab.
> > >
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~
> > >One Day Sardar's Girlfriend asks him,
> > >Girlfriend: "Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?"
> > >Sardar: "Ya sure, give me ur Telephone No."
> >
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~
> > >A Teacher told all Students in a class to write as essay on a
Cricket
> > >
> > >
> > >Match. All were busy in writing except one Sardar.
> > >He Wrote as "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH"
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
> > >
> > >~~~~~~~
> > >Sardar was standing in front of the Mirror with his eyes closed.
> > >Wife - What do you think you are doing?
> > >Sardar - I just want to know how i look when i sleep...

Keep Smiling :-))


Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

[tukz]

MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the School !

****************************************

A man goes to chemist : I need to buy poison
Chemist : I can't sell u that...
Man shows his wife photo!
Chemist : Sorry! I didn't know u had a prescription!!!

****************************************

Stars + Moon = Romantic night
Birds + Sky = Lovely Day
Forest + Animal = Beautiful World
You + Your Smile = Darna Mana Hai

[tukz]

JUST FOR FUN

WOMAN has MAN in it.

SHE has HE in it.

Mrs. has Mr. in it.

LADY has LAD in it.

MISTERESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it and so onthe list is unending

SO NO need to be proud ....Girls are always incomplete
without
Boys....hahah:P

[tukz]

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired with the mobile communication and decided to use the conventional method of communication. That is to use pigeons to send messages. One day Santa sends his pigeon. When the pigeon reached Banta, it was with out any message. Angrily, Banta picks up his mobile and calls and asks Santa "what is this - a joke? The pigeon is without any message." Guess what Santa says???
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

>
>
>
> scroll down
>
>
>
>
>
>>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Abbey Ghadhe, that was a missed call!!"

[tukz]

The HR manager of a company interviewed a software professional. The manager asked a lot of questions and finally asked "how much u want as salary?"

The professional said 80,000/- rupees per month with car, bungalow and servants.

The manager said we will give u 150,000 rupees per month, a BMW car with driver, a bungalow in the center of the town and numerous servants having their quarters behind the building.

Astonished with this, the professional said "kyon majak karte ho yaar".......

The manager replied "Shuru kisne kiya tha?"........

[tukz]

There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.
They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel.
They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.
The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.
The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.
They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their Garage.
They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.
They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers.
They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.
They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.
In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY?
B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.
The next day the story repeated itself.
The taxi just wouldn't move.
They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.

WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind

[tukz]

Sham lal: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Mr Sham Lal: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Sham lal: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Sham lal & Rham lal were struck for 48 hrs on escalators


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A sweet girl goes to Rham lal's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Rham lal sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sham lal: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Rham lal: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Sham lal: Kya naam hai uska?
Rham lal: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Sham lal: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


How did Sham lal tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sham lal: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Sham lal: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Sham lal: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sham lal ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Rham lal: Aur Sham lal, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Sham lal: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Rham lal sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rham lal: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Sham lal: Suicide karne ke liye
Rham lal: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Sham lal: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


• Sham Lalbar vich ro reha tha
Rham lal: Kyon ro rahee ho?
Sham lal : aur main kya karan? Main jis ladki ko boolna catha hooo uska naam yaad hi nahin aa raha hai

• Phone ki ring baji.office main
Sham Lal : Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein office pe nahin hoon.
Rham lal: haan.. hain.
Sham Lal: Maine mana kiya that...
Rham lal: Phone mere liye tha!

• Sham Lalto a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

• Sham Lal was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

• Sham Lalto his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Beta: Sure dad, what do u wanna knoe...?

• Sham Lal : main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek chunhe ke liye Ek rupeya leti hai.
Rham lal: salee tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.

• Sham Lalt o Rham lal : Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chaiyee si.
Rham lal: Dost hi dost de kam atta hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar aur purse le aa.

• An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Sham Lal
Why?
B'coz he put a pin from his wife's hair when asked: Enter ur Pin

• Rham lal : Wo ladki dekh raha hai deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Sham Lal : Kaise?
Rham lal : Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

• Sham Lalto his wife : Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
his wife, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! gaao (cow) ka moot toh pata tha ...Na jane inhone aur kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

[tukz]

1 chor sardar da mobile le ke bhaj gaya. sardar kenda bhaj le bhaj le...... Charger ta mere kol hai.


Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..


Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"


Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

[guru_sal]

mujhe to iska matlab hi samajh me nahi ai.....
hey y r u confused .
in all d blanks one same word fits .
rich man needs nothing
poor man has nothing
if u eat nothing u die.

[guru_sal]

1 chor sardar da mobile le ke bhaj gaya. sardar kenda bhaj le bhaj le...... Charger ta mere kol hai.


Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..


Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"


Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
hey batista really good ones

[guru_sal]

maine kaha dilruba
usne kaha paise dikha
MAINE KAHA PAISE NAHI
USNE KAHA KAISE NAHI
MAINE KAHA MEHANGAYI HAI
USNE KAHA JA TU MERA BHAI HAI








MERE DIL KA DARD KISNE DEKHA HAI
HUME BAS KHUDA NE TADAPTE DEKHA HAI
TUM TANHAI ME BAITH KAR ROTE HO
LOGO NE HUME AKSAR MEHFIL
MEIN HASTE DEKHA HAI








JAANI
................

..............
JINKE GHAR SHEESHE KE HOTE HAI
.............
.........
VO

VO

VO

VO

.....BATHROOM SIRF RAAT ME HI JA SAKTE HAI

[guru_sal]

Enjoy this Shayries.....................


*Dil ke arman ansuo me beh gaye,
Hum gali me the gali me reh gaye...** **
Light chali gayi,
Jo baat unse kehni thi wo unki mummy se keh gaye.... *


------------------------------


*
Zindagi ki raah mushkil hain to kiya huaa.
Thoda sa tum chalo,thoda sa main...phir Rikshaa kar lenge.. *------------------------------


*Hum aise aashik hain jo gulab ko kamal bana denge,**
**Uski har adaa par ghazal bana denge..
Agar wo aa jayegi mere jindgi me,
To Reliance ki kasam DELHI me bhi Tajmahal bana denge.. *
------------------------------



*Bakre ne bakri ko seeng maara, bakre ne bakri ko seeng maara **
**abbbbe oyeee phir kya hua
Bakri ne bhi bakre Ko seeng maar diya*------------------------------

*Tu ne mere man se khela,
Tu ne mere tan se khela,
Tu ne mere dil se khela,
Tu ne mere Dhan se khela,
Tu ne mere man, tan, dil aur dhan se khela,
......
Well Played, Well Played (Wah, Wah..) *
------------------------------


*Wo hamari zindagi main kuchh is tarah se aaye.
Wo hamari zindagi main kuch is tarah se aaye.
Jaise hare bhare khet main Bhais ghus jaye. *

------------------------------







*
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita
Tan ki shakti, manki shakti, Bournvita *------------------------------


*
Aaj! aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain....
JAISE KAL CHAMAK RAHE THE !!!*
------------------------------


*
aasman mein char tare
aasman mein char tare
do tumhare do hamare *
------------------------------


*
Maine tujhe dekha
Dekhta raha, Dekhta hi gaya
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya*------------------------------

[guru_sal]

Many cases of Dengue fever have been reported in Delhi and NCR. Following
tips about this fever should be kept in mind :--


What is dengue fever? What is dengue hemorrhagic fever?


Dengue fever is a flu-like illness spread by the bite of an infected
mosquito.


Dengue hemorrhagic fever is a rare but severe, often fatal, complication of
dengue fever.


What is the infectious agent that causes dengue?


Dengue and dengue hemorrhagic fever are caused by any of the dengue family
of viruses. Infection with one virus does not protect a person against
infection with another.


How is dengue spread?


Dengue is spread by the bite of an infected Aedes mosquito. The mosquito
transmits the disease by biting an infected person and then biting someone
else.


Where is dengue found?


The mosquitoes that transmit dengue live among humans and breed in
discarded tyres, flower pots, old oil drums, and water storage containers
close to human dwellings. Aedes mosquito thrives in fresh water. Unlike the
mosquitoes that cause malaria, dengue mosquitoes bite during the day.


What are the signs and symptoms of dengue fever and dengue hemorrhagic
fever?
1. Sudden high temperature.
2. Frontal Headache and pain lower abdomen.
3. Pain in eyes, joints and muscles. Pain is severe hence the name
breakbone fever.
4. Nausea, vomiting and loss of appetite.
5. Rashes in upper part of chest.
6. In later stage bleeding from nose, mouth, gums,or blood
vomiting(Dengue Hemorrhagic fever).


How soon after exposure do symptoms appear?


The time between the bite of a mosquito carrying dengue virus and the start
of symptoms averages 4 to 6 days, with a range of 3 to 14 days. An infected
person cannot spread the infection to other persons but can be a source of
dengue virus for mosquitoes for about 6 days.


How is dengue diagnosed?


Dengue is diagnosed by a blood test.


Who is at risk for dengue?


Anyone who is bitten by an infected mosquito can get dengue fever. Risk
factors for dengue hemorrhagic fever include a person's age and immune
status, as well as the type of infecting virus. Persons who were previously
infected with one or more types of dengue virus are thought to be at
greater risk for developing dengue hemorrhagic fever if infected again.


What is the treatment for dengue and dengue hemorrhagic fever?


There is no specific treatment for dengue. Persons with dengue fever should
rest and drink plenty of fluids. They should be kept away from mosquitoes
for the protection of others. Aspirin should be avoided. Most people
recover completely in two weeks time. Dengue hemorrhagic fever is treated
by replacing lost fluids. Some patients need platelet transfusions to
control bleeding.


How can dengue be prevented?


There is no vaccine to prevent dengue. Prevention centers on avoiding
mosquito bites and eliminating mosquito breeding sites.


Avoid mosquito bite :
Use mosquito repellents on skin and clothing.
When outdoors during times that mosquitoes are biting, wear
long-sleeved shirts and long pants tucked into socks.
When indoors, stay in air-conditioned or screened areas. Use mosquito
nets if sleeping areas are not wire-meshed or air-conditioned.
If you have symptoms of dengue, report to your doctor.


Eliminate mosquito breeding sites:
Eliminate mosquito breeding sites around homes. Discard items that
can collect rain or run-off water, especially old tyres.
Regularly change the water in pet and animal water containers, money
plants, desert coolers, other water storage containers.




--
Love begins with a smile...!
Endures with happiness... !
And dies with a tear...!!

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.

[guru_sal]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funlok/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funlok/

[guru_sal]

u may b bald

Or u cud b black

u may b a vegetarian

u may b a boy

or a gurl

u may fart alot

u may b fat

u may talk alot

u may think u r the king...

or the queen

u may b bad

or u cud b gud

u may b in the circus

or work as a D.J

u may b weird

or u may b cool

u may hav weird tastes

u may b fit

or hip

u may b a cow gal

or a cow boy

u may go by sled

or u mite hav a car

u mite wear glasses

or u mite not

but u r still my friend
send this 2 all ur frends and u will hav lots of friends 4 ur whole life

[guru_sal]

The Indian media on Wednesday predicted the end of Sourav Ganguly's cricket career after the former captain failed miserably in a trial one-day series.

The left-hander, making a last-ditch attempt to regain his place in the Indian team, made 24 and three in the two matches he played in the domestic Challenger series in Chennai over the last three days.

Ganguly, playing for India 'B', slashed a catch to point off Munaf Patel in the first match against India Seniors captained by Rahul Dravid. In the second game against India 'A', he was bowled by Test seamer Shanthakumaran Sreesanth for three.

Television channels ran special programmes to highlight Ganguly's failures and the mass-circulating Hindustan Times newspaper said the Challenger series may have dealt the final blow.

"This effort pushes him back to a point from where comeback doors seem to be closed, forever," the newspaper said. "The Chennai stadium has seen another momentous occasion - Sourav Ganguly walking into oblivion."

Ganguly, 34, was sacked as captain last year and later dropped from the national side following unfavourable comments from coach Greg Chappell, who said Ganguly was a "disrupting influence" in the team.

The stylish batsman has not played a one-day international since September last year and was omitted from the Test squad after the tour of Pakistan in February

Ganguly has not been selected for the upcoming Champions Trophy, but he was being regarded as a serious candidate for the year-end tour of South Africa and the World Cup in March, with the floundering Indian team having won just one of its last nine one-dayers.

Ganguly is one of only four batsmen in the world to score more than 10,000 runs in limited-overs cricket and has played in two World Cups, the last as captain in 2003 when India reached the final.


--
Love begins with a smile...!
Endures with happiness... !
And dies with a tear...!!

[guru_sal]

Enjoy this Shayries.... ......... ........


Dil ke arman ansuo me beh gaye,
Hum gali me the gali me reh gaye...
Light chali gayi,
Jo baat unse kehni thi wo unki mummy se keh gaye....





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Zindagi ki raah mushkil hain to kiya huaa.
Thoda sa tum chalo,thoda sa main...phir Rikshaa kar lenge..


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Hum aise aashik hain jo gulab ko kamal bana denge,
Uski har adaa par ghazal bana denge..
Agar wo aa jayegi mere jindgi me,
To Reliance ki kasam DELHI me bhi Tajmahal bana denge..



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Bakre ne bakri ko seeng maara, bakre ne bakri ko seeng maara
abbbbe oyeee phir kya hua
Bakri ne bhi bakre Ko seeng maar diya


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Tu ne mere man se khela,
Tu ne mere tan se khela,
Tu ne mere dil se khela,
Tu ne mere Dhan se khela,
Tu ne mere man, tan, dil aur dhan se khela,
.....
Well Played, Well Played (Wah, Wah..)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Wo hamari zindagi main kuchh is tarah se aaye.
Wo hamari zindagi main kuch is tarah se aaye.
Jaise hare bhare khet main Bhais ghus jaye.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------








Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne muzhe pita
Tan ki shakti, manki shakti, Bournvita

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Aaj! aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain....
JAISE KAL CHAMAK RAHE THE !!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




aasman mein char tare
aasman mein char tare
do tumhare do hamare

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Maine tujhe dekha
Dekhta raha, Dekhta hi gaya
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya

[guru_sal]

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his
head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had
done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent
that he went paranoid. Here are a few
scenes...... ......... ......... .....

1)Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't
be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is
cured! Long Live Rajanikanth! !!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3
gangsters.Rajanikan th has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and
a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle
gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the
bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of
the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but
no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster
shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and
catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires
his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and
decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last
time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of
physics.The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the
world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the
villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that
Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman
techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to
desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton Bhai is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one
gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the
wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first
gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide..... ......

[guru_sal]

Raat mein khayaalon mein aati ho tum
Kabhi saamne aakar bhi dekho

Hum se baatein to roz karte ho tum
Kabhi hamaari taraf muskura kar bhi dekho

Hamaari nazar bahut kuch keh deti hai
Kabhi hamein nazron se samajh kar to dekho

Humse dosti ka rishta hai tumhara
Kabhi hum se dil laga kar to dekho

Hamaari baaton ne tumhara dil kai baar behlaaya hai
Kabhi apni baaton se hamein hansa kar to dekho

Mujhse mil kar anjaane mein dil mein basne lagti ho
Kabhi hamein bhi apne dil mein basa kar to dekho

Har mushkil raah bhi asaan ho jaayegi
bas Hum par ek baar eitbaar kar ke to dekho

Hum tumhein zindagi mein har khushi denge
Bas ek baar humse pyaar kar ke to dekho

Tumhein apaane ke liye har imtehan denge hum
Humein kabhi aazmaa kar to dekho

Tum kehte ho ke bahut mushkil hai mujhe apnana
Ek baar hamein apna bana kar to dekho..

[guru_sal]

[COLOR="Blue"][/When stressed or blocked it is wise to make a change so that we don't stay in that place. Yet, many times we forget some of the simple things that we can do for ourselves, quickly and easily to bring our inspiration back and increase our creativity.

1. If you usually type your speech first , hand write them.Nothing compares to seeing the ink mesh into the paper and display what you created.

2. If you spend too much time at the computer , take a break every hour. Go for a walk or just sit outside in the sun.Even five minutes in a winter sun does wonders for a mood and creativity.



3. Flip through magazines or books. Their colors and ideas will give you sparks and switch your attitude. Blue and green can reduce your stress levels by 30% or more.

4. Add strong smells to the room. Light scented candles around you, visit the fruit isle at the grocery store, or go to a store that is heavily scented. Find an orange or strawberries and smell it. Both will change a mood or create inspiration. Smells awaken your creativity. Smell strigger memories and are a great method to rekindle stories from the past.



5. Go see or rent an inspirational movie . Relaxation time is important. Watch the movie with a notebook and record inspiring phases or ideas that pop in.

6. Read a book on the topic that stirs and sparks your creativity. Poetry can do the same.



7. Look at bold and bright colors for a few minutes. These change your mood.

8. Talk with a friend about your topic to flesh out ideas,titles, and content. Tape-record the conversation so you don't miss anything. You would be surprised at how much we think we hear and how we actually do.



9. Write an email to a friend to tell him or her what you want to accomplish. If you are stuck, say so and ask for help.

10. Check in with your vibrational energy and do something to switch it into high gear. Take a shower. Go for a walk or dance naked in the moonlight.

11. Hire someone to transcribe your recording so that you can stay focused on the creative end of the speaking.



12. Authentic, flat-out, raw laughter frees the psyche and opens the creativity process.

13. Find a setting with lots of trees and flowers and feel nature. If the weather permits, take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes. Nature has away of freeing our spirit to let the flow out of our best material.

14. If you are used to practicing your speak in a quiet place, create noise and practice. You will learn to speak with distractions.

15. Go for a quiet leisurely drive and practice your vowel soutlook expand your voice rangeCOLOR]

[tukz]

hey guru kewl

[tukz]

ossom gur n my nm is bitasta not batista

[tukz]

Paranoid Sardarji


The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

Sardarji at a nightclub

A Sardarji was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman.
He whispered into her ear, "I love you."
She smiled and whispered back,"I love you too". then he whispered, "I love you three."

The Race

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements

Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

Sardarji proposes to a woman.

She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

A Sardarji came to a newspaper office to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the Sardarji. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

Egyptian museum


Santa and Banta were looking at mummy in an Egyptian museum
Santa: Bechara! pattiyan hi pattiyan lagi hain...
Kitne chotein lagi hain isko..
Zaroor truck accident mein mara hoga...
Banta: haan, truck ka number bhi likha hai
:- A.D. 1460


Ek truck doosre truck ko kheench raha tha.
Dekh kar sardarji haskar lotpot hoke gir pade aur bole: Ek rassi ka tukda
uthane ke liye 2-2 truck


Engagement ring


The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh
Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?
Sure replied Santa What's your phone number?



Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."


What wil Banta do if he sees a ‘Don’t walk’ sign? He will run.


Banta was filling a form and the lady asked what his sex was.
Banta: “Twice a week.”
Lady: “Sir, I mean male or female.”
Banta: “That does not matter.”


Banta filling birth form for his 4th child
Mom: Sikh. Dad: Sikh. Kid: Chinese.
Man: Why Chinese?
Banta: You see, every 4th kid born now is a Chinese.


Banta loves his wife


Banta always calls his wife my love, darling, sweetheart.
Santa: That’s nice. Endearments continue, eh?
Banta: Honestly, I have forgotten her name.


Banta to a friend: Mother Nature is great! A million years ago she didn’t know we were going to wear spectacles yet look at the way she placed our ears.


Banta put a signboard on his shop:
Letters typed in 3 languages.
Santa displayed one saying: Photostat copies prepared in all languages.

[tukz]

Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega.

Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss? Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona.

Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei? Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!

Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies... Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!

[tukz]

hey batista really good ones
thnx

Dear All,

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.


5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please

PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

[tukz]

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming
In pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a
Bee."







DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."







MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles
Away by now."







DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream
On the place you were stung."







MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
Sitting under a tree"







DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which
Part of your body did that bee sting."




MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee
Stung me on my finger and it really hurts"







DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
"Which one?"




MAN (innocently ): "How am I to know? All bees look the
Same to me."

[guru_sal]

hey bitasta awesome ones .
and i know yr name galti se type ho gaya hoga
A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming
In pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a
Bee."







DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."







MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles
Away by now."







DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream
On the place you were stung."







MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
Sitting under a tree"







DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which
Part of your body did that bee sting."




MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee
Stung me on my finger and it really hurts"







DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
"Which one?"




MAN (innocently ): "How am I to know? All bees look the
Same to me."

[guru_sal]

Me and you















Ordinary no
I really don't think so,
Not a love this true.

Common destiny
We were meant to be
Me and you

Like a perfect scene
From a movie screen
We're a dream come true.

Suited perfectly
For eternity, me and you

Everyday, well I need you even more
And the nighttime too.
There's no way, I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

Everyday I live
Try my best to give
All I have to you

Thank the stars above
That we share this love
Me and you

Everyday, well I need you even more
And the nighttime too.
There's no way, I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

Ordinary no
I really don't think so
Just a precious few
Ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

[guru_sal]

Sardar declares:
.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . .
============ ========= =========
===========
SARDAR talking on cell.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

============ ========= ========= ========
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.
============ ========= ========= =====
On Jeeto's bday
Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank
manager.
============ ========= ========= ========
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
============ ========= ========= ======
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE? "
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-

[guru_sal]

How To Purpose a Girl





Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike



Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.



If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.



If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.



If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.



Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.



Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.



If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.



If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.



Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.



Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.



A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.



A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.



For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.



For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Exel

[animateash]

Today's Joke: Is your wife smart Enough ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are
my sweetheart

Your husband
Joe

.

.

.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him
some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and
I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart
Amanda

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: What does 100% handcrafted means in today's world...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A10~891

[animateash]

Just See to India Work ( Mera Bharat )

The population of India is 100 crores
1,00,00,00,000

But 19 crores are retired.
19,00,00,000

That leaves 81 crores do the work.
81,00,00,000

There are 25 crores in school,
25,00,00,000

Which leaves 56 crores to do the work.
56,00,00,000

Of this there are 22 crores employed by the
Central Govt,
22,00,00,000

Leaving 34 crores to do the work.
34,00,00,000

4 crores are in the Armed Forces,

4,00,00,000

Which leaves 30 crores to do the work.
30,00,00,0 00

Take away from above total the 20 crores people
work For State Governments (State Government employees officially
do not work!)
20,00,00,000

And that leaves 10 crores to do the work.
10,00,00,000

Total unemployed are 8 crores
8,00,00,000

And that leaves 2 crores to do the work.
2,00,00,000

At any given time! there are 1.2 crore people in
hospitals,
1,20,00,000

Leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.
80,00,000

Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute,
there are 79,99,998
people in prisons throughout the country.

79,99,998

That
leaves just 2 people to do the work.......
2

You and me!!! And currently

YOU are sitting at your computer reading mails.

So I am the only person in our country who is
working!

And that's why India is surviving!!!

So India Runs on ME

[animateash]

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing

concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:

"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her

telephone number. The next day, you call and say:

"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie,

you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,

pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:

"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:

"You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

"I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

- That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.

- That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say

anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"

and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say:

"I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets

[animateash]

Hi,



Do you know JAVA........?





Arzz hai


Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA"


Wah Wah..... Wah Wah

?

?


?


?
Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA" ..............

Lafjon ko samjhiye ...... Gaur kijiye

Do Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA" ..............
Bahot Khub......


?



?



?




?







Bhaijaan - Do hi Tarah ki hoti hai "JAVA" ..............

..
..

..
..
..
..

..

..
..
..

..
..
..
..

..

..


..
..
..
..
....
..

..
..
..
..

..

..
..
..

..

Mar "JAVA" , Mit "JAVA"

[animateash]

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't U know, I sell tickets in black over here..



2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try
again.


3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?


4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:- Is the
"Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occasionally also spit in it.




5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just
the money.



7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa
marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.


8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............ it was a piece of chalk and
now it's in flames!!!


11. You are fishing and a guy asks........ ......... ...
Stupid Question:- Are you fishing?
Answer:- No, I was just drowning worms.



12. You've been living in a colony from the same time as your neighbour
has been living. But suddenly one day your neighbour asks
you......... ....
Stupid Question:- Have you been living here all your life?
Answer:- I don't know.... I haven't died yet!

[animateash]

Think of a number (BETWEEN 3 and 999).





Multiply it by 3.







Now add 5 to the result.









Take away the number you first thought of.
















Now add 7.
















Now multiply 12.















Divide by 13.














Subtract 2.













Add back the number you first thought of.





















Now, close your eyes .






























































Dark , isn't it?

[animateash]

Movies Related to College Life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exam == Kalyug,

Classes == Kabhi Kabhi

Viva == Encounter

Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret

Examiner == Mrityudata

Course == GodZilla

Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon

Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak

Question Paper == Paheli

Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz

Marks == Ashambhav

Paper Out == Plan

Cheating == Aksar

Last Exam == Independence Day

Result == Sadma

Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar

Fail == Devdas

Vacations == Masti

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Types of Love - Visual representation
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A11~400

[animateash]

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS




BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon??

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think,
Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

[guru_sal]

Movies Related to College Life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exam == Kalyug,

Classes == Kabhi Kabhi

Viva == Encounter

Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret

Examiner == Mrityudata

Course == GodZilla

Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon

Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak

Question Paper == Paheli

Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz

Marks == Ashambhav

Paper Out == Plan

Cheating == Aksar

Last Exam == Independence Day

Result == Sadma

Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar

Fail == Devdas

Vacations == Masti

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Types of Love - Visual representation
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A11~400
hey good ones

[animateash]

A JOKE!! PALEEZ READ TILL THE END!!
A "HEN" and HER 3 little "CHICKENS" were trying to cross a busy highway. After great efforts they all managed to cross it. ONE of the little ones yells out happily--"Wow after so much efforts all 5 of us managed to cross"
QUESTION:: Why does the little one say "ALL 5 OF US??"
Think....
Think....
Think....
Think....
IT IS EASY U SHALL BE ABLE TO GUESS IT!!

STILL NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THEN SCROLL DOWN...............

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

ANS: BACHCHE HAIN!!!! KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN!!!!!
Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

[animateash]

hey good ones
tahnx a a lot

[animateash]

Natural Highs
Make sure you forward this back to me...you'll see why at the end!

Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one...
IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.



1. Falling in love.



2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.



3. A hot shower.



4. No lines at the super market .



5. A spe! cial glance.



6. Getting mail .



7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.



8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.



9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.



10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.



11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)



12. A bubble bath.



13. Giggling.



14. A good conversation.



15. The beach .




16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.



17. Laughing at yourself.



19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.



20. Running through sprinklers.



21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.



22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.



23. Laughing at an inside joke.



24. Friends.



25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.



26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.


27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).



28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.



29. Playing with a new puppy.



30. Having someone play with your hair.



31. Sweet dreams.



32. Hot chocolate.



33. Road trips with friends.



34. Swinging on swings.



35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.



36. Making chocolate chip cookies.



37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.



38. Holding hands with someone you care about.



39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.



40. Watching the __expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.



41. Watching the sunrise.



42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.



43. Knowing that somebody misses you.



44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.



45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.

[guru_sal]

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein
aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Oh menu dekhi jaandi c,

main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c,

main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Na paper mainu aanda c,

na paper ohnu aanda c
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho,
Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya
hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal kahenge!
Aghar aap Mersadize Benze khareedna chahtay hain to hamari
website daykhaine .
www. Apni Oqat Main Raho. com
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Wo FSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo BSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo MSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo apnay mehyan say larti thi
Main BSc main parta tha.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas
aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Shabaash (ab ****ti)
kal ABC parhain gay.

[animateash]

Today's Joke: Policies and Procedures in Companies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook
on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the
monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of
the ther monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him
up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put
in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of
the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he
immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and
beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to
climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap
out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating
because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why
he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys
are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water.
None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: A file that every office should have...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=OFH~149

[guru_sal]

Today's Joke: Policies and Procedures in Companies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook
on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the
monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of
the ther monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him
up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put
in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of
the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he
immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and
beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to
climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap
out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating
because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why
he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys
are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water.
None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: A file that every office should have...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=OFH~149
hey ash cool ones

[animateash]

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein
aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Oh menu dekhi jaandi c,

main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c,

main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Na paper mainu aanda c,

na paper ohnu aanda c
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho,
Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya
hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal kahenge!
Aghar aap Mersadize Benze khareedna chahtay hain to hamari
website daykhaine .
www. Apni Oqat Main Raho. com
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Wo FSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo BSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo MSc main parti thi
Main BSc main parta tha
Wo apnay mehyan say larti thi
Main BSc main parta tha.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas
aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Shabaash (ab ****ti)
kal ABC parhain gay.
gud ones

luv ash

[animateash]

hey ash cool ones
tahnx a a lot

luv ash

[guru_sal]

Love…. And you shall be loved



Anger is a condition
in which The tongue works
faster than the mind



You can't change the past
But you can ruin the present
By worrying over the future



God always gives His best
to those Who leave the
choice with him



All people smile
in the same language



A hug is a great gift…
one size fits all
It can be given for any occasion
And it's easy to exchange



Everyone needs to be
loved… Especially when they
do not deserve it



The real measure of a
man's wealth Is what he has
invested in eternity



Laughter is God's sunshine



Everyone has beauty
But not everyone sees it



It's important for parents to
Live The same thing they teach



Thank God for what you have
THRUST GOD for what you need



If you fill your heart with regrets
of yesterday And the worries
of tomorrow You have no today
to be thankful for



Man looks at outward appearance
But the lord looks within



The choice you make today
Will usually effect tomorrow



Take time to laugh, for it is
The music of the soul



If anyone speaks badly of you
Live so none will believe it



Patience is the ability to idle
your motor When you feel like
stripping your gears



Love is strengthened by working
Through conflict together



The best thing parents can do
For there children is to
love each other



Harsh words break no bones
But they do break hearts



To get out of a difficulty
One usually must go through it



We take for granted the things
That we should be giving thanks for



Love is the only thing that can be
Divided without being diminished



Happiness is enhanced by others
But does not depend upon others



For every minute you are
angry with someone You lose
60 seconds of happiness
That you can never get back



Do what you can,
for who you can,
With what you have,
and where you are



Wishing Your Day Be Filled
With Love And Peace

[luv_ashitia]

gud ones

luv ash
hey ash very nice
keep it up

[luv_ashitia]

Love…. And you shall be loved



Anger is a condition
in which The tongue works
faster than the mind



You can't change the past
But you can ruin the present
By worrying over the future



God always gives His best
to those Who leave the
choice with him



All people smile
in the same language



A hug is a great gift…
one size fits all
It can be given for any occasion
And it's easy to exchange



Everyone needs to be
loved… Especially when they
do not deserve it



The real measure of a
man's wealth Is what he has
invested in eternity



Laughter is God's sunshine



Everyone has beauty
But not everyone sees it



It's important for parents to
Live The same thing they teach



Thank God for what you have
THRUST GOD for what you need



If you fill your heart with regrets
of yesterday And the worries
of tomorrow You have no today
to be thankful for



Man looks at outward appearance
But the lord looks within



The choice you make today
Will usually effect tomorrow



Take time to laugh, for it is
The music of the soul



If anyone speaks badly of you
Live so none will believe it



Patience is the ability to idle
your motor When you feel like
stripping your gears



Love is strengthened by working
Through conflict together



The best thing parents can do
For there children is to
love each other



Harsh words break no bones
But they do break hearts



To get out of a difficulty
One usually must go through it



We take for granted the things
That we should be giving thanks for



Love is the only thing that can be
Divided without being diminished



Happiness is enhanced by others
But does not depend upon others



For every minute you are
angry with someone You lose
60 seconds of happiness
That you can never get back



Do what you can,
for who you can,
With what you have,
and where you are



Wishing Your Day Be Filled
With Love And Peace


hey guru awesome
i think u tukz and ash r doing gr8 job

[animateash]

hey tahxn a alot luv_ashitia

[guru_sal]

hey guru awesome
i think u tukz and ash r doing gr8 job
hey thankz divya .
hey maine to kal se hi shuru kiya
but u can see tukz and ash ke

[guru_sal]

Some titles...

Java Wale Job le Jayenge
Hum Disconnect Ho Gay
Sanam! Meri hardisk tumhare paas hai
Aao chat karien!
Hum Hai Programmer Oracle key
Programmer no 1
Mera naam developer
Badalate platforms
Kuch kuch download hota hai
Kahani Keyboard ki
Hum aapke memory mein rahate hain
Har kohi jo hack ho gah
Do(2) processor baarah(12) terminal
Mera code chal Gaya
Har Din jo mail Karega
Khel Virus ka
Aur Logout Ho Gaye
Virus Aur Antivirus
Yeh Raste Hain internet kay
Network Ke Ush Paar
Debugging koi Khel nahi
Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hai
Client ek numbari, Programer Dus Nambari
Onlinepan
Login karo sajana
Naukar PC ka
Firewall (Border)
Net bin
Meri debugging
Restart to hona hi tha
Tera Mera Program
Partition (Deewar)
Rehna Hai Tehre Inbox Main
1942 - A Bug Story
Kabhi Connect, Kabhi Disconnect
Raju ban gaya MCSE..!
Kaho Na Virus Hai

[guru_sal]

See , How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.


The Leave Applications:


· Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· Letter writing:
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

[animateash]

hey gud ones

[guru_sal]

30 ways to annoy people

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Don't use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17. Sing Along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies

24. Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"

25. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

27. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do"

29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

30. Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"

[guru_sal]

Today's Joke: Policies and Procedures in Companies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook
on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the
monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of
the ther monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him
up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put
in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of
the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he
immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and
beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to
climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap
out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating
because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why
he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys
are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water.
None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: A file that every office should have...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=OFH~149
hey ash cool ones

[animateash]

shayari from fanaa


Khuda Aaj Ye Faisla Karde,
Use Mera ya Mujhe Uska Karde.
Bahut Dukh Sahe He Maine ,
Koi Khusi Ab Toh Muqadar Karde.
Bahot Muskil Lagta Hai Usse Duur Rehna,
Judai Ke Safar Ko Kum Karde.
Jitna Duur Chale Gaye Woh Mujhse,
Use Utna Kareeb Karde.
Nahi Likha Agar Nasib Me Uska Naam,
To Khatam Kar Ye Zindagi aur Mujhe FANAA Karde.

Tere Dile mein meri saanson ko panah mil jaaye Tere Ishq mein meri Jaan Fanaa Ho jaayeâ.

Ankhen to pyar me dilki zuban hoti hai,
sachi chahat to sada bezuban hoti hai,
pyar mai dard bhi mile to kya gabrana,
suna hai dard se chahat aur jawan hoti hai....

Phool hun Gulaab kaâ?
Chameli ka mat samjhnaâ?
Aashiq hun aapkaâ?
Apni Saheli ka mat samjhnaâ

Dur Humse Jaa Paoge Kaise,
Humko Bhool Paoge Kaise.
Hum Who Khushbu Jo Saanson Mein Utar Jaye, Khud Apni Saanxon Ko Rok Paoge Kaise..

Bekhudi Ki Zindagi Hum Jiya Nahi Karte,
Yun kisika ka Jaam Hum Piya Nahi Karte.
Unse Kehdo Mohabbat Ka Izhaar Aakar Khud Karein,
Yun Kisika Peecha Hum Nahin Karteâ

RONE DE TU AAJ HAMAKO TU AANKHE SUJANE DE
BAHO ME LELE AUR KHUD KO BHEEG JANE DE
HAI JO SEENE ME QUAID DARIYA WO **** JAYEGA
HAI ITANA DARD KI TERA DAMAN BHEEG JAYEGA..

tere dil mein meri saanson ko jagah mil jaaye
tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye
adhoori saans thi dhadkan adhoori thi adhooren ham
magar ab chaand poora hain falak pe aur ab pooren hain ham

[guru_sal]

hey gud ones
thankz ash but yrs all were excellent

[animateash]

30 ways to annoy people

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Don't use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17. Sing Along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies

24. Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"

25. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

27. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do"

29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

30. Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"



gud ones

lu v ash

[animateash]

Solve this when you are a little bit relaxed.....!!

A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway.
After great efforts they all managed to cross it. One of the little ones
yells out happily-"Wow....after so much effort, all 5 of us managed to
cross"....


Qn. Why does the little one say "all 5 of us"????

Think a little bit....... It's easy!

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANS.........
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*ANS:
**
*ARRE BACHCHE HAIN...


KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN...

[guru_sal]

gud ones

lu v ash
thaaaaannnnnnkkkkkkyyyyyuuuuu

[animateash]

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he
died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my
money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well,
he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting
there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they
finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close
the casket, the
wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled
it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to
put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on
my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that
casket with him."

Her friend asked, "You mean to tell me you actually put that money in
the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[animateash]

Today's Joke: LAW OF THE JUNGLE
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who
looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and
pulled out a pair of Nikes.

His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to
make you run faster than that tiger?"

I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just
have to run faster than you".


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: What girls do MOST of the time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A11~398

[animateash]

Question and the Answer given by Candidates, oh
sorry, they are IAS Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC
Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd
Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand
and four apples and three oranges in the other
hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for
IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an
elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become?
A. It will become Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC
IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid State(UPSC 33Rank )

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy
questions or one really difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy
thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really
difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own
choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission
depends on the correctness of his answer, but he
thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How ??" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask
me a SECOND difficult question!"

[animateash]

Today's Joke: Prostate Problem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room.
While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in
and sits down next to him.

The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?"

The man replies, " I am waiting to see the doctor."
"W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?"

The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem."
"A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?"

"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visual Joke: Popeye family members found ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.funtoosh.com?dj.php?details=A10~881

[animateash]

God’s sense of humour....

A man was praying to god. He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can i ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!.......just a second ."

[animateash]

Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps
on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated
cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the
money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. When someone has a fracture
Stupid Question: Is this a fracture???

Answer: No actually it is in fashion. I wanted extra time to write my paper.

[tukz]

Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps
on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated
cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the
money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. When someone has a fracture
Stupid Question: Is this a fracture???

Answer: No actually it is in fashion. I wanted extra time to write my paper.
nice1 ash.....

[tukz]

hey bitasta awesome ones .
and i know yr name galti se type ho gaya hoga
thnx a lto n ya ots alryte

[tukz]

arrey ash n guru awesome wrk....hats off 2 u....kip it up

[tukz]

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~

Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~

Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~

A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.~T. Blase~

Why did the bee cross his legs? Because he couldn't find the BP station.~Jen V.~

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.~Jen V.~

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.~Kathy Nicol~

Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.~Matt and Roxy~

What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~

There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's terrible!! Well, what's the good news? " The lawyer said "I got the voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~

A pork pie walks into a bar and the barman says sorry we dont serve food in here.~Dave Large~

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield? His butt.~Cohen and Tate~

Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very high pitched mushroom voice, says to the oth er: "Jeez, she didn't even look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"~John A. Judgate~

Whats the smartest thing a man can say? "my wife says"~Guest 7~

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."~Mr. Ed~

How do you turn a cat into a dog? You tie up the cat, pour gasoline on it, light a match and watch him go WOOF!!!! How do you turn a dog into a cat? You tie up the dog, getan electric saw to cut him, and watch him go MEOWWWWW!!!!!! ~John Christoper Rey~

How do you get Dragon milk? From a cow with short legs.~Allen Smith~

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.~Ed Kim~

What do you get when you put a canary in a blender? Shredded tweet~Timothy J. Tate~

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.~Sandra Johnson~

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they would be bagels.~Jon Smith~

What's clear and smells like carrots? A Rabbit fart.~Jon Smith~

What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.~Steve Hagstrom~

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turn s the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her husband said. She replied "D*mn it! The old fart's been pissin in the ice box again!"~Wendy~

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly unsaturated.~The Oregonian~

How is a divorce in West Virginia like a hurricane in Florida? Either way, you lose the trailer.~The Oregonian~

Have you heard about Ron Howard's new movie, a travel documentary about northern Europe? It's called "Mr. Opie's Holland"~The Oregonian~

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!~Emily Christain~

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.~Yatin~

~

[tukz]

A bear walked into a bar and sat down. He banged on the bar with his paw and demanded a beer.

The bartender approached and said, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, becoming angry, once again demanded a beer.

The bartender again told him, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, very angry now, said, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender once again said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear went to the end of the bar and, as he had promised, ate the woman. He came back to his seat, and again demanded a beer.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana, that are on drugs."

The bear said, " I'm not on drugs."

The bartender said, "Yes you are. That was a bar bitch you ate."

[tukz]

This cowboy, wondering lost across the prarrie, finds a magic lamp. He picks it up and rubs the dirt off of it. A Gene pops out and will grant him 3 wishes. The cowboy thinks for a second, then he says, "Hey, Gene, I would appreciate a horse, and not just any horse. I want the finest horse and gold riveted saddle in all the world." the Gene thinks to himself, well this isn't too unusual, a cowboy, a horse and saddle. POOF! there was his horse. Then the cowboy says,"I want a case of the finest whiskey in the world." the Gene thinks, well horse, saddle whiskey cowboy, this all seems right. POOF! there was his whiskey. Then the cowboy stated,"And for my 3rd wish, I want a little chipmunk." The Gene thinks, well that just doesn't fit. The Gene had to ask,"Cowboy, I understand the horse and saddle, and the case of whiskey, but tell me, WHY ON EARTH DOES A COWBOY WANT A CHIPMUNK!? The cowboy, who had just polished off his first fifth of whiskey simply said,"Whenz I finish my case of whisskey, and I ridez off into da sunshet, I will need that little chimimunk to set on my saddle and click to my horse and makez him go."

[luckysd]

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~

Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~

Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~

A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.~T. Blase~

Why did the bee cross his legs? Because he couldn't find the BP station.~Jen V.~

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.~Jen V.~

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.~Kathy Nicol~

Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.~Matt and Roxy~

What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~

There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's terrible!! Well, what's the good news? " The lawyer said "I got the voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~

A pork pie walks into a bar and the barman says sorry we dont serve food in here.~Dave Large~

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield? His butt.~Cohen and Tate~

Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very high pitched mushroom voice, says to the oth er: "Jeez, she didn't even look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"~John A. Judgate~

Whats the smartest thing a man can say? "my wife says"~Guest 7~

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."~Mr. Ed~

How do you turn a cat into a dog? You tie up the cat, pour gasoline on it, light a match and watch him go WOOF!!!! How do you turn a dog into a cat? You tie up the dog, getan electric saw to cut him, and watch him go MEOWWWWW!!!!!! ~John Christoper Rey~

How do you get Dragon milk? From a cow with short legs.~Allen Smith~

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.~Ed Kim~

What do you get when you put a canary in a blender? Shredded tweet~Timothy J. Tate~

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.~Sandra Johnson~

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they would be bagels.~Jon Smith~

What's clear and smells like carrots? A Rabbit fart.~Jon Smith~

What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.~Steve Hagstrom~

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turn s the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her husband said. She replied "D*mn it! The old fart's been pissin in the ice box again!"~Wendy~

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly unsaturated.~The Oregonian~

How is a divorce in West Virginia like a hurricane in Florida? Either way, you lose the trailer.~The Oregonian~

Have you heard about Ron Howard's new movie, a travel documentary about northern Europe? It's called "Mr. Opie's Holland"~The Oregonian~

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!~Emily Christain~

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.~Yatin~

~
hey tukz awesum work....................and ash urs is just tooooo good............really funny

[guru_sal]

arrey ash n guru awesome wrk....hats off 2 u....kip it up
hey thankz a lot

[guru_sal]

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~

Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~

Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~

A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.~T. Blase~

Why did the bee cross his legs? Because he couldn't find the BP station.~Jen V.~

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.~Jen V.~

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.~Kathy Nicol~

Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.~Matt and Roxy~

What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~

There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's terrible!! Well, what's the good news? " The lawyer said "I got the voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~

A pork pie walks into a bar and the barman says sorry we dont serve food in here.~Dave Large~

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield? His butt.~Cohen and Tate~

Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very high pitched mushroom voice, says to the oth er: "Jeez, she didn't even look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"~John A. Judgate~

Whats the smartest thing a man can say? "my wife says"~Guest 7~

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."~Mr. Ed~

How do you turn a cat into a dog? You tie up the cat, pour gasoline on it, light a match and watch him go WOOF!!!! How do you turn a dog into a cat? You tie up the dog, getan electric saw to cut him, and watch him go MEOWWWWW!!!!!! ~John Christoper Rey~

How do you get Dragon milk? From a cow with short legs.~Allen Smith~

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.~Ed Kim~

What do you get when you put a canary in a blender? Shredded tweet~Timothy J. Tate~

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.~Sandra Johnson~

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they would be bagels.~Jon Smith~

What's clear and smells like carrots? A Rabbit fart.~Jon Smith~

What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.~Steve Hagstrom~

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turn s the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her husband said. She replied "D*mn it! The old fart's been pissin in the ice box again!"~Wendy~

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly unsaturated.~The Oregonian~

How is a divorce in West Virginia like a hurricane in Florida? Either way, you lose the trailer.~The Oregonian~

Have you heard about Ron Howard's new movie, a travel documentary about northern Europe? It's called "Mr. Opie's Holland"~The Oregonian~

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!~Emily Christain~

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.~Yatin~

~
hey tukz keep it up
gr8 job

[guru_sal]

Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps
on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated
cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the
money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. When someone has a fracture
Stupid Question: Is this a fracture???

Answer: No actually it is in fashion. I wanted extra time to write my paper.
hey ashni jee really funny one

[animateash]

hey ashni jee really funny one
thanxn a lot

[guru_sal]

Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...

Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat!

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here

[guru_sal]

Junhi zikr unka sar-e-bazm cha gaya
Har lafz meri ghazal ka banker haya sharma gaya

Khil utha daal pe ik phool kanwal ka
Yeh kaisa amal gulshan woh ik gul samjha gaya

Hoker mukhatib kisi aur se unke zeir-e-sama' t itna kiya
Pehli baar in dharaknon ko koi banke dil dharka gaya

Achanak lagne lagi duniya buhat haseen
Waqt-e-rukhsat hal-e-dil jab apna woh bata gaya

Dekh tere ehl-e-emaan hone k bawajood ashar
Ah! ik kaafir pe dil aagaaya

Uski ankhon mein koi jadoo hi tha
Dekhte hi dekhte jo cha gaya

Pehle ata tha koi jhonka hawa ka banker
gehre badal ki tarhan ab toh mere dilpe chah gaya

Woh jo ik phool khilaya tha chaman mein tumne
Gardish-e-ayyam mein afsos woh bhi kamhla gaya

Hoshmandi mein na kuch paya gaya
Bekhudi mein gham ka sarmaya gaya

Siwaye uske har baat bemayeni hogayi
Woh harf-e-akhir ki tarahan dil mein sama gaya

Jo kaha karte they hum hain sada ko tere
Kucch qadam sath chal ke jo ghabra gaya


Humne deep jalaye they muhabbaton ke ashar
Woh nafraton k charagh jala gaya

Mein ne poochi waja dard ki toh kehne lagey
Ah! ik kaafir pe dil aagaaya

[guru_sal]

Oº°΅·••·΅Naraz Naqoosh΅·••·΅°ºO
Mere mehboob
meri simt na dekh
meri ankhon ko bhi numm rehne de
tark-e-khuahish ka bharam rehne de
phir pighal jaye na seene mein yeh dil
kitni muddat mein bhulaya hai machalna isko
kitni mushkil se sikhaya hai ke jeene ke liyeh
yoon muhabbat se dharakne ka hunar
rayegani ke siwaye kucch bhi nahi
ik tamasha hain woh sare manzar
jinke chere pe hon taqdeer ke naraz naqoosh
ab tou tu khud se mukarne de mujhe
mere mehboob nahi....aur nahi
jism ko raakh na kar rooh ko shola na bana
yoon meri simt na dekh

[guru_sal]

Ek aada aapki Dil churane ki…
Ek adaa aapki Dil mein bas jaane ki…
Ek chehra aapka Chand sa…
Ek zid hamari Chand paane ki… ..


Ashiq ankhon ki baat samajh lete hai,
woh khwabo me aayen toh mulakat samajh lete hai,
rota hai aasman apni zamin ke liye,
log pagal hai usse barsat samajh lete hain



Usko milne ka mann bahut kar raha hai…
Mann ko samjhaya toh Dil tadap raha hai…
Dil ko bataya toh ankhe roh padi…
Unhe chup karaya toh SAANSE bol padi…
“I MISS U”… ...

Dete hai kyu yeh Dard bas hami ko,
kya Samjhenge woh in Aankho ki nami ko,
lakho Deewane ho jis Chand ke,
woh kya Mehsus karega Ek Tare ki Kami ko… ...



Nakaam si koshish kiya karte hain,
Hum hain ki unse pyar kiya karte hain,
Khuda ne takdir me ek tuta tara nahi likha,
Aur hum hain ki chaand ki aarzu kiya karte hain ...



Tera Rishta is tarah nibhayenge,
Tum roz khafa hona hum roz manayenge,
Par maan jaana manane se,
Warna hum yeh bheegi palke le ke kaha jayenge…



Pal bhar mein tut jaye woh Kasam nahi,
Apko bhul jaye woh Hum nahi,
Tum hume bhul jao is baat me dum nahi,
kyonki Tum hume bhul jao itne bhi bure hum nahi…



laut jati hai lehre jaise kinara dekh kar,
waise hi laut jata hai zamana mera gum dekh kar,
tum kandha na dena mere janaze ko….
kahi uth na jau main tumhara sahaara dekhkar..... .




Ek din jab hum duniya se chale jayenge,
mat sochna ke Aapko bhul jayenge,
bas ek bar Asman ki taraf dekhna,
Mere sms aapko sitaro par likhe nazar ayenge… ...


Badalon ki darmia aasi sazaish hui,
Mere Ghar mitti ka tha, Mere hi Ghar barish hui,
Uski bhi Zid thi bijiliyan girane ki,
aur Hamari bhi Zid thi wahin ashiyana banane ki...



Jaan kar bhi woh Mujhe jaan na paaye,
Aaj tak woh Mujhe pehchaan na paaye,
Khud hi kar li bewafai humne,
taaki unpar koi ilzaam na aaye…




Khuda ne jab ishq banaya hoga,
To khud bhi zaroor aazmaya hoga
Hum hain kaun aur tum ho kya,
Is ISHQ ne to khuda ko bhi rulaya hoga ...




Chehre pe ashko ki lakeer si ban gayi
Jo na chaaha tha vo takdeer si ban gayi
humne to chalaayi thi ret pe ungli
gaur se dekha to unki tasveer si ban gayi ...



Zindagi ke liye jina jaruri hai,
Jine ke liye Arman jaruri hai,
Zindagi me chahe kitne bhi ho Gham,
Aapke Chehre par Muskaan jaruri hai…



tumne aakar meri kabar pe,
jarasha mushkura Diya...
bijli kadak ke gir padi,
sara kafan jala Diya....





hum apko kabhi khone nahi denge,
juda hona chaha bhi to hone nahi denge,
chandani raton main ayegi meri yaad,
Yaadein to woh hai jo Bheed mein bhi Tanha kar jaati hai

[animateash]

coool ones

[guru_sal]

coool ones
thankz a lot

[guru_sal]

Itni shiddut say chaha tha us ko

Chaha tu bohut tha lekin wo mila hi nahi,
Laakh koshish ki mager yeh fasla mita hi nahi,
Na janay zamanay nay majboor is qader ker diya,
Kay wo meri kisi sada pay thera hi nahi,
Mein tamam ter koshishoo ky bawajoud har gaya,
Wo usay mil gayi jis ny is ko manga hi nahi,
Her ik say poucha tery na milnay ka sabab,
Her ik nay kaha wo tery liye bana hi nahi,
Itni shiddut say chaha tha us ko,
Is duniya may shayed wafa ka sila hi nahi*









I Love Walking In Rain
Because
Nobody Can See Me Crying!

[luckysd]

Hey bhaggu..................guru u r the best at jokes.............really funny man........really:D :D :D :D

[guru_sal]

Hey bhaggu..................guru u r the best at jokes.............really funny man........really:D :D :D :D
hey so sweet of u
thankz a lot

[luckysd]

hey so sweet of u
thankz a lot
hey u r welcum..............and congrats 4 completing 500 posts

[guru_sal]

hey u r welcum..............and congrats 4 completing 500 posts
hey thankz a lot kissi ka dhyan to gaya

[guru_sal]

Champions Trophy Qualifiers
Oct 7 - Oct 14

Sri Lanka v Bangladesh
1st Qualifier, Mohali - Chandigarh


Oct 7
14:30 IST

West Indies v Zimbabwe
2nd Qualifier, Motera - Ahmedabad


Oct 8
14:30 IST

Sri Lanka v Zimbabwe
3rd Qualifier, Motera - Ahmedabad


Oct 10
14:30 IST

West Indies v Bangladesh
4th Qualifier, Jaipur


Oct 11
14:30 IST

Bangladesh v Zimbabwe
5th Qualifier, Jaipur


Oct 13
14:30 IST

Sri Lanka v West Indies
6th Qualifier, Mumbai


Oct 14
14:30 IST




Champions Trophy
Oct 15 - Nov 5

England v India
1st ODI, Jaipur


Oct 15
14:30 IST

New Zealand v South Africa
2nd ODI, Mumbai


Oct 16
14:30 IST

Pakistan v Qualifier 1
3rd ODI, Jaipur


Oct 17
14:30 IST

Australia v Qualifier 2
4th ODI, Mumbai


Oct 18
14:30 IST

New Zealand v Qualifier 1
5th ODI, Mumbai


Oct 20
14:30 IST

Australia v England
6th ODI, Jaipur


Oct 21
14:30 IST

South Africa v Qualifier 1
7th ODI, Motera - Ahmedabad


Oct 24
14:30 IST

New Zealand v Pakistan
8th ODI, Mohali - Chandigarh


Oct 25
14:30 IST

India v Qualifier 2
9th ODI, Motera - Ahmedabad


Oct 26
14:30 IST

Pakistan v South Africa
10th ODI, Mohali - Chandigarh


Oct 27
14:30 IST

England v Qualifier 2
11th ODI, Motera - Ahmedabad


Oct 28
14:30 IST

Australia v India
12th ODI, Mohali - Chandigarh


Oct 29
14:30 IST

A1 v B2
1st SemiFinal, Mohali - Chandigarh


Nov 1
14:30 IST

B1 v A2
2nd SemiFinal, Jaipur


Nov 2
14:30 IST

Finalist 1 v Finalist 2
Final ODI, Mumbai


Nov 5
14:30 IST

[luckysd]

hey thankz a lot kissi ka dhyan to gaya
hey dont wory................mera dhyaan gaya hai na..............aur logo ka bhi jayega

[guru_sal]

hey dont wory................mera dhyaan gaya hai na..............aur logo ka bhi jayega
i hope so :confused:

[guru_sal]

We Wish You A Very Happy Diwali and a Prosperous New Year.

Diwali also called Deepavali is a major Hindu,Jain,Sikh and Buddhist
festival in India. Known as the "Festival of Lights", it symbolizes
the victory of Good over Evil and Lamps are lit as a sign of
celebration and hope for mankind. Deepavali is celebrated for 5
consecutive days in the Hindu month of Ashwayuja. It is on the New
Moon day of Kartika month, although the celebrations begin 2 days
prior and end 2 days after that date. This year this festival would
fall on October 21st. For Hindus Diwali is not only a festival of
lights but also a special occasion to worship Lord Ganesha, Goddess
Laxmi, Lord Mahabali and Lord Mahavira.

The festival marks the victory of good over evil. The Sanskrit word
Deepavali means an array of lights that stand for victory of
brightness over darkness. On this day people wear new clothes, share
sweets and light firecrackers. Many businessmen in North India also
start their new financial year on this day.

As per the Skanda Purana the Goddess Shakti observed 21 days of
Austerity starting from Ashtami of Shukla Paksha(waxing period of
moon) to get the half part body of Lord Shiva. This is known as
Kedhara Vrata. Diwali is the completion of this vrata and Lord Shiva
accepted Shakti into the left half of the form and appeared as
Ardhanarishvara.

Diwali is widely know as celebrating the return of Lord Rama back to
Ayodhya with his wife Sita and brother Laxman after killing the
demon Ravana.

- 2 days before Diwali Dhan-Trayodashi or Dhan-teras is celebrated.
It is an auspicious day for shopping.
- 1 day before Diwali is Naraka Chaturdasi: Narak means of a new era
of Light and Knowledge. Chaturdasi implies 14th day of the first
half of the lunar month.
- Diwali the actual day is celebrated on the third day of the
festival, when the moon completely wanes and total darkness sets in
the night. Lakshmi puja is performed which is followed by lighting
of lamps around the house and children burst crackers.
- 1st day after Diwali is Varsha-Pratipada or Pawda: This is the 1st
day of the New Year
- 2nd day after Diwali is Bhayiduj also known as Bhyyaduj, Bhaubeej,
or Bhayitika – on this day, brothers and sisters meet to express
their love and affection for each other.

[animateash]

222 gud guru

lu v ash

[guru_sal]

222 gud guru

lu v ash
tttttttttthhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaannnnnkkkkkyyyyyyyyuuuu

[tukz]

thnx a lot guru n lucky n aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eessssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wrk guru

[animateash]

tttttttttthhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaannnnnkkkkkyyyyyyyyuuuu
welcome

luv ash

[guru_sal]

thnx a lot guru n lucky n aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eessssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wrk guru
THANKYU VERY MUCH

[guru_sal]

WINNER v/s LOSER

Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.

Winners see the grains;
Losers see the pain.

Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.

Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.

Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.

Winners makes commitments;
Losers makes promises.

Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.

Winner always has a programmed
Loser always has an excuse.

Winner says "Let me do it for you";
Loser says "That is not my job".

Winners say "I must do something";
Losers say "Something must be done".

Winner is always a part of the answer;
Loser is always a part of the problem.

Winner sees an answer for every problem;
Loser sees a problem for every answer.

Winners believe in win/win;
Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose.

Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible";
Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult".

Winner makes a mistake. he says "I was wrong";
Loser makes a mistake, he says "It wasn't my fault".
.

[guru_sal]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------












Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes
But you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?

************ ********* *******

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
Brain. Please tell them your age!

************ ********* ********

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir Bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.

************ ********* ****

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
Chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.

************ *********

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.

************ ********* ****

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
Fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.

************ ********* *******

Chota baccha 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap NE puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Baccha : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

************ ********* **

Two friends were walking together.
1st friend : Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath AA rahi hain.
2nd friend : oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.

************ ********* *****

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

[guru_sal]

Dear Mom,

I know I haven't written for three months, but I have been very busy and I've been having a very exciting time. Actually, I'm just back from the hospital, where I had spent a fortnight about two months ago. It was nothing, really - just a concussion on the back of my head, a broken leg and a hairline fracture, that I got while jumping out of the second floor of my hostel when it caught fire. In fact, I can now stand all by myself without crutches, and can almost see everything perfectly, except for a slight blur.

But don't worry. The doctor says there is a good chance of me walking on my own again. Actually, it could have been worse, if not for that nice chai-walla (street tea vendor) who saw me lying there in a dead faint and rushed me to hospital. He was very helpful, really, and came to see me everyday in the hospital. Now that I am out of hospital, I had nowhere to go, as the hostel is still under construction. So when he suggested that I move in with him in his hut, I thought it was very kind of him, and agreed. We are very much in love now, and I am sure that you and Dad will surely like him and accept him in the family. I am sure the minor matter that he is fourteen years older than me and that he is of a different caste and religion, will not matter at all to broadminded parents like you. He may be illiterate and poor, but he has a heart of gold - really, Mom, you should see how he cares for both of us - me and his wife, that is. She is quite sweet too, and so are her three children; so there is absolutely no problem. You must be wondering how you and Dad got informed so late. Don't get angry, Mom. We just didn't have the time. You see, we decided to get married only recently since we thought it would be unfair to let our baby into the world without a proper surname. Yes, Mom, you are going to be a grandmother!

Congratulations! I am sure you and Dad are delighted, and will come to visit us in his village in Mizoram after we shift there next week.

OK Mom. All this did not really happen. There was no fire, no fracture, no bigamous chai-walla and no illegitimate pregnancy. But I did flunk in my Mathematics exam, and I wanted you to view this problem in the right perspective.

Your Darling Daughter

[guru_sal]

things men wish but women knew it

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

[tukz]

hey guru osssssssssssssssssom

[guru_sal]

hey guru osssssssssssssssssom
hey ttthhhaannkkyyuu

[guru_sal]

15 Fun messages to leave on your answering machine..


1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female seeking a date or friendship, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. "Hi. Now you say something."

5. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."

6. "Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

7. (From Japanese friend ) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave sexy message, I call sooner!

8. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.

9. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

10. "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

11. "This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

12. "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

13. "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

14. "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

15. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. "Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble, if it keeps the mouth shut"

[guru_sal]

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!'

2. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.

3. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

5. Shave.

6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?'

7. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

8. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

9. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

10. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

11. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.

12. Do Tai Chi exercises.

13. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!'

14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, 'Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!'

15. Meow occasionally.

18. Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh and say 'oops!'

19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

20. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually pushing buttons.

21. Holler '****es away!' whenever the elevator descends.

22. Leave a box between the doors.

23. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

24. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers 'through' it.

25. Start a sing-along.

26. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your beeper?'

27. Play the harmonica.

28. Say 'Ding!' at each floor.

29. Lean against the button panel.

30. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.

31. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

32. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'

33. Bring a chair along.

34. Blow spit bubbles.

35. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

36. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

37. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

38. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.

39. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting larger.'

40. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler 'Bad touch!'

[sush'n'remix]

wow guru lots of awesome msgs
2222222 gud

[sush'n'remix]

WINNER v/s LOSER

Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.

Winners see the grains;
Losers see the pain.

Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.

Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.

Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.

Winners makes commitments;
Losers makes promises.

Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.

Winner always has a programmed
Loser always has an excuse.

Winner says "Let me do it for you";
Loser says "That is not my job".

Winners say "I must do something";
Losers say "Something must be done".

Winner is always a part of the answer;
Loser is always a part of the problem.

Winner sees an answer for every problem;
Loser sees a problem for every answer.

Winners believe in win/win;
Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose.

Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible";
Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult".

Winner makes a mistake. he says "I was wrong";
Loser makes a mistake, he says "It wasn't my fault".
.






i do hav sum qualities of d loser here
hey bhaggu!!!!!!!!m i a loser
ofcorz not:D
ur post has made me realize my weak points.thanx 4 dis

[guru_sal]

wow guru lots of awesome msgs
2222222 gud
hey thankz a lot
and congo for yr 50 posts .

[guru_sal]

i do hav sum qualities of d loser here
hey bhaggu!!!!!!!!m i a loser
ofcorz not:D
ur post has made me realize my weak points.thanx 4 dis
i dont think so u hav ne quality of losers
infact aapme to winners walli jarur hogai

[sush'n'remix]

hey thankz a lot
and congo for yr 50 posts .

hey thanx .50 posts:D maine notice nahi kiya

[sush'n'remix]

i dont think so u hav ne quality of losers
infact aapme to winners walli jarur hogai

thanx 4 d compliments.but its true m not perfect

[guru_sal]

hey thanx .50 posts:D maine notice nahi kiya
ok welcome netime

[guru_sal]

thanx 4 d compliments.but its true m not perfect
hey is duniya mein koi perfect nahi hai . so utna to chalta hai

[animateash]

cool oens guru

luv ash

[guru_sal]

cool oens guru

luv ash
thankyu aashni jee

[guru_sal]

Bring a pillow, fall asleep(or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes, wake up, say "Oh jeez, better get cracking." And do some gibberish work, turn it in a few minutes early

Get a copy of the exam, run out of the room screaming, "Andre, Andre I have the secret documents!!!"

If it is a Math/Science exam answer in essay form. If it is a long essay form answer with numbers and symbols, be creative.

Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with your self out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

Bring cheerleaders.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

Bring a Game Boy™. Play it with max volume level.

On the answer sheet find a new interesting way to refuse to answer every question on the grounds that it conflicts with your religious beliefs. Be creative.

Bring pets.

Run into the exam room looking around franticly. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say, "They've found me I have to flee the country." And run off.

15 min. into the exam stand up, rip up all the papers into small pieces, throw them into the air and yell, "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring ask for another copy saying you lost the first one. Do this every 15 min.

Do the exam with crayons, paint, or florescent markers.

Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel around your head, and nothing else.

Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one make one up. For Math/Science try using Roman Numerals.

Bring things to throw at the instructor when they're not looking. Blame it on the person next to you.

As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are walking on your next video during the next exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay. Tell them to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

Every 5 min. stand up collect your things and move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Turn in the exam 30 min early. As you walk out the door comment how easy that was.

Do the entire exam as if it were multiple choice or t/f. if it is then spell out interesting words. (dccab.babe…).

Bring a black marker, turn in the exam with all the questions and answers blacked out.

Get the exam. 20 min. into it throw your papers down and violently scream "the heck with this" and walk out triumphantly.

Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ex. Threaten the instructor that whether or not after everyone is done they are walking out to go drink).

Show up completely drunk. (completely drunk means at some point in the exam to start crying for your mommy).

Every now and then clap twice rapidly, if the instructors asks why tell him or her in a very derogatory tone "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper, duh!"

Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

Go into the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min. put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

Go to an exam for a class that you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small and the instructor would recognize if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

Upon receiving the exam look it over while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expects me to waste my time on this drivel?"

Bring a water pistol to class, nuff said.

From the moment the exam begins hum the theme to jeopardy. Ignore the teachers request for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another begin to whistling the theme to the bridge on the river kwai.

Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

If the exam is math/science related make up the longest proofs you can think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam relate everything to your own life story.

Come in wearing full knights out fit complete with sword and shield.

Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed because you have a bad circulation.

Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious like history notes for a math exam otherwise your not just failing your getting kicked out too.) and staple them to the exam with the comment "please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

When you walk in complain about the heat. Strip.

After you get the exam call the teacher over, point to any problem and ask for the answer. Try to work it out of them.

One word: wrestlemania

Bring balloons, blow them up start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

Try to get the people in the room to do the wave.

Play Frisbee with friends at the other side of the room.

Bring some large cumbersome ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, pizzas, etc.. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

During the exam take apart everything around you, desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop say "helps me think.." bring a copy of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "I told you so."

Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.