BPO/Call Centre Jokes

[Pramod]

Caller: Hello, is this the Help Line?
HelpLine: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?
HelpLine: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.
HelpLine: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?
Caller: It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.

At this point the HelpLine operator realized that the caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

[Pramod]

Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.

A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.


A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the "send" key.

A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.

A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

[Pramod]

You Might Be a Computers' Support Technician if...


when asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.

after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.

you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.

you look for the undo command after making a mistake.

you disdain people who use low baud rates.

you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.

you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.

you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

you see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.

you know without a doubt that diskettes come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.

you have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track pad.

you are zen-like in your acceptance of users, realizing that there is no limit to the depths of cluelessness, and yet you help them anyway.

[Pramod]

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

[satyani]

1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."
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2) Customer: "I received the software update
you sent, but I am still getting the same error
message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it
to get it to work?"


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3)Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing
Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and
tell me what it says."

Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore
and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use
your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)


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5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand
side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button
displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
Tech support:


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[satyani]

6) Tech Support: : "What type of computer do
you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."
Tech support::

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7). Tech Support:: "What operating system are
you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

Tech support::
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8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I
performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support::

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9).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


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10).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support::

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11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there
a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying
there's an Intel inside."

Tech support::
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12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if
there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


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13). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say
now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support::
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best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings
tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power
supply.
Tech:(keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the
startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll
need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just
needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant
that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is
still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version
of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech support:: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support::(hush hush)

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him
about what you said, and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.


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15) customer care officer:I need a product
identification no: right now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find
'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I
find your computer?