For Matures only

[chartered4u]

Kehte hai aurat ke haath mein "Barkat" hoti hai.
Bilkul sahi hai yaar 3" ka haath mein do, to 6" ka karke deti hai!!!!!

[Pramod]

As daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "

" Its Like...", father said while thinking, " See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'.
You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, " Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering

[chartered4u]

Boy: May I get you a drink?
Girl: No, it is not good for my legs.
Boy: Why? does your legs swells after drink?
Girl: No, they just spreads

[arvind kumar saran]

Hi All,

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
Continue,
And they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
Room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on
the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill
for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man
insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the
Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and
a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to
use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes
on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel
is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas
perform here," the Manager says

But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter
what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't
use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally
gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's
right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well" the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."

[Navin]

Robert: Boss, Sona kahan hai ? (Where is the Gold?)
Ajit: Kahin par bhi so jao Rawbert, hum to Mona ke saath soyenge!



Rawbert: Boss, I've had twins! Mere dono bachchon ke liye koi naam bataiye...
Ajit: Ek ka naam rakho Peter...
Rawbert: Boss... aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Repeater!

Rawbert: Boss, mera teesra bachcha ho gaya, uska naam soch ke bataiye.
Ajit: Peter, Repeater ke baad teesre ka naam Chang Lee.
Rawbert: Teesre ka naam "Chang Lee" kyo boss?
Ajit: Silly boy, iss duniya mein paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai!

Lily: Boss, mere ko twins hoey hain.. dono ladki ke liye koi naam suggest kijiye.
Ajit: Very simple... ek ka naam rakho Kate...
Lily: Aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Dupli-Kate!

Rawbert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jyada pasand hein?
Ajit: Ek Mona, doosra Sona, aur tisra, Mona ke saath sona!

Ajit: Rawbert,is ko microprocessor may daal do! Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!

Ajit: Rawbert, is ko liquid oxygen may daal do! Liquid issay jeenay nahi de gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi de gaa!

Ajit: Rawbert, Diana ko thoda khatta khila dayna, yeh Diana se dinasour ban ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi ho jaayegi!

Ajit: Rawbert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa kameena.

Ajit: Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee!

Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do. Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega!

Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen?
Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do. Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.

Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Rawbert: Magar kyoon baas?
Ajit: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Rawbert: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headache ho raha hai.
Ajit: Abe bewakoof! Head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padega. Rawbert: Boss, China se Mr.Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasayenge.

[Navin]

AJIT : Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert : Yes Boss.
AJIT : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......

(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin degi.

(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs
a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert : Boss ab kya hoga ??
AJIT : Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN
aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se paani ander aayega
aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !!

(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT : Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal : Lekin kyon baas?
AJIT : Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....

Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.

AJIT : Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger istarrt kar do.
Robert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
AJIT : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert : Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
AJIT : Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert : Par sui kyon, baass!
AJIT : Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!

AJIT : Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh more sey no-more ho jayegaa...

AJIT: Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le jaakar phansi mein laga do, great 'wall hanging' ban jayegi.

[Pramod]

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she stated, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The old lady replied, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

[chartered4u]

Sardarni : Remove my salwar-kameez
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : Remove my bra
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : Remove my panty
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : And never wear my clothes again!!

[Navin]

Sardarni : Remove my salwar-kameez
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : Remove my bra
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : Remove my panty
Sardar : OK
Sardarni : And never wear my clothes again!!

ROFL! ( Rolling on the floor with laughter). That was a real good one.

Cheers!

PS: Wish the webmaster would provide more smilies in the emoticons list.

[sardarni pj]

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father see's it and says "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me! :D

"Johnny", the father said. You don't do those kind of things to women.
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad" Johnny said.
"It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and
pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" :p

[Pramod]

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Banta stepped forward and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father"? he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: "Sector 17 Chandigarh".
Banta laughed.
"Actually", he said, "my father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question!!
The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Banta thought, went to the Supere Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband"?
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights.
And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: "He's dead. But your father is in sector 17 Chandigarh".

[Navin]

ROFL again, Sardarni! Great one. Here are some I found on the Net:


Off to VegasA man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

------------------

Genius BoyfriendA worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."
------------------

Lifetime SavingsA small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!"

[sardarni pj]

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good" and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Saviour,"
But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
twenty-third child?"
And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll
break it in half!" The Teacher fainted.

[Pramod]

Few more ...

A newly wed Desi woman, joins her husband in US.
First night the husband wants everything to go right. They take off their clothes and as they are about to do it, husband thinks of something.

He says to his wife, "let me see if i can take Lavitra, Viagra or Cialis FIRST", and he leaves the room.

Wife gets FURIOUS, calls her Mother back home.

"See I told you not to marry me to a American Desi, they have affairs! My husband has three affairs, he told me he wants to do Lavitra, Viagra or Cialis first!"

[sardarni pj]

A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural
She said, ''What do you call it if one woman looks out a window?''
Charlotte said, ''Singular.''

The teacher said, ''That's right Charlotte.Now, what do you call it if three women are looking out of a window?''
And little Johnny raised his hand and blurted out, ''A whorehouse.''

[Pramod]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[monisha]

;) Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.

Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.

"After my very first week on the job," Nancy said, "I received a raise. At the end of the second week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said, 'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.'

"At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost."

"I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for just 500 bucks, although I was charging all the other guys in the office one thousand. That's when he jumped out the window (http://www.hitechnewstimes.com)

[Navin]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "but I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car and they were barely able to see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was pretty sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh shit! Am I driving?"


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "Hell, it's hundreds of them!"


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when Mildred looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me...I know we've been friends for a long time...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


Mildred, an 87-year-old woman, came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
When brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself.
"Well, your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could fcuk, he could fly!"

Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knitted his brow in obvious concentration, and finally asked his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?
His friend replied, "A Carnation??"
"No. No. The other one" the man says.
His friend offered another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"Nahhhh, growled the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says. He then turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

[chartered4u]

Newton's Law:
"If you can run around a tree with the speed of light - you can f**k your ass"

[chartered4u]

ATTRACTION... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

INTERESTING... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

[chartered4u]

A Customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."

[chartered4u]

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

[chartered4u]

Penis Requests a Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor I work at great depths I plunge head first into everything I do I do not get weekends off or public holidays I work in a damp environment I don't get paid overtime I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work period You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing You'll retire well before reaching 65 You're unable to work double shifts You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management

[chartered4u]

The Geography of Men and Women

The Geography of a Woman:
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man:

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

[chartered4u]

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when they come across a fence where a goat has his head stuck.
Saddam looks at Osama, Osama looks at Saddam and Osama smiles, drops his pants, and starts goin to town with this goat, just tearin' his ass up. After Osama is done, he says, "Alright, Saddam, your turn."

And Saddam drops his draws, grabs his ankles, and sticks his head in the fence.

[chartered4u]

My First Time
The sky was dark,
The moon was high,
All alone,
Just her and I.

Her hair so soft,
Her legs so fine,
I ran my fingers,
down her spine.


I didn’t know how,
I tried my best,
To touch her breast.


I remembered my fear,
But slowly she spread,
Her legs apart,
And when she did,
I felt no shame.


All at once,
The white stuff came out!

At last. It's finished.
It's all over...


My first time,

Milking a cow.

[chartered4u]

Big Busted Women-can get a taxi on the worst days
-have a neat place to carry spare change
-have always been the center of the arts (art)
-make jogging a spectator sport
-can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
-have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
-usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
-can always carry a little extra
-always float better
-know where to look first for lost earrings
-rarely lack for a slow dance partner
-have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner

Small Busted Women-don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
-always look younger
-find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
-can always see their toes and shoes
-can sleep on their stomachs
-have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
-know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
-know that everything more than a handful is wasted
-can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
-can take an aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out

[chartered4u]

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
Between you and me we could make a lot of money!

[chartered4u]

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to rub it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

[chartered4u]

Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
"I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause 7 days a week he's up."

"I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."

"Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."

"You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and you're talking about a hard liquor."

"Exactly."

[chartered4u]

Finally, something other than smiley faces.... :)
(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) high nipple breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
o o a cups
{ O }{ O } d cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) pierced breasts
(p)(p) breasts with tassled pasties
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|oo| android breasts

[chartered4u]

Love's a sensation,
caused by temptation,
a guy sticks his location,
in a girl's destination,
to increase the population,
of the next generation.

Do you understand my explanation?

Or do you need a demonstration?

[chartered4u]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."