Jokes Please!! [Archive]

TiGeR

August 18, 2005, 04:34 PM

I Am surprised no one has posted a joke. Looks Guys and Dolls are dead serious!!Has KBC squeezed the humour out of most of chaps? :D

1....Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

2....You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

3....Your mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked "What's new?

4....Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent

5....Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

6....A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

7....A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."

:D :D
Au Revoir!!

Navin

August 18, 2005, 05:47 PM

Bon soir,

Your post was humorous. Keep it up:)

rachita

August 19, 2005, 01:24 AM

-- Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back!

-- Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours!

-- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

-- George Bush

rachita

August 19, 2005, 01:26 AM

saw this list on a website:
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." —at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)

45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

44. "I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson

39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)

38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" —to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002

37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)

35. "Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the — what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." —attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002

32. "It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

29. "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." —during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times

28. "You forgot Poland." —to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

27. "I'm the master of low expectations." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

26. "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

rachita

August 19, 2005, 01:27 AM

25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

24. "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." —Washington, D.C. Oct. 4, 2001

23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

21. "The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004

20. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

19. "You know, when I was one time campaigning in Chicago, a reporter said, 'Would you ever have a deficit?' I said, 'I can't imagine it, but there would be one if we had a war, or a national emergency, or a recession.' Never did I dream we'd get the trifecta." —Houston, Texas, June 14, 2002 (There is no evidence Bush ever made any such statement, despite recounting the trifecta line repeatedly in 2002. A search by the Washington Post revealed that the three caveats were brought up before the 2000 campaign — by Al Gore.)

18. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

17. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." —State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

16. "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard." —repeating the phrases "hard work," "working hard," "hard choices," and other "hard"-based verbiage 22 times in his first debate with Sen. John Kerry

15. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

14. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

13. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001

12. "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

11. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

10. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

9. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

8. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." —speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

7. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." —Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

6. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" —President George W. Bush, joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004

5. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

4. "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video)

3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video)

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video)

1. "My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

TiGeR

August 19, 2005, 04:18 PM

:D Hi Richita,

1.I hope you like your new nick, I have given you! :D .Now your name reeks of affluence.Oh..thx pleasure is mine!

2.Could you lend me some dough.You might not ask me back!

3.Despite best efforts,I could not make any head or tails out of your long post.And believe me it didn't make me smile at all.I am sure you liked my jokes.You can a cue out of them or pm me i will forward a good joke to you.

4.I do sympathise with itch,and the severity of it,where is it exactly, maybe I could help it!

4.With my best regards :D

TiGeR

August 19, 2005, 06:37 PM

The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."

"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
========================================

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time
========================================

A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him.

"For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California."

The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask."

"OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!"

The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?"
========================================

:D :D

baljeet2n

August 20, 2005, 07:44 PM

A guy goes to a barber shop wearing headphones. he tells the hair dressed to cut his hair but not to remove his head phones. the hair dresser does his job......but then he needed to get under the headphones to finish his work......so he removed the headphones thinking that the guy wont even notice......as he removed the headphones....the guy fell on floor, choked, turned bule, and died. the hair dresser picked up the head phones to hear wut he was listenin to .......he heard : "BREATH IN, BREATH OUT, BREATH IN, BREATH OUT..."

GoldFinger

August 22, 2005, 01:38 AM

Dear Tiger,

Apropos your joke as follows:------------------------------------------------:
....Neurotics build castles in the sky
....Psychotics live in them.
....Psychiatrists collect the rent.
-----------------------------------------------

Looks to me this is not a joke but a stark reality!Why? :D

..Neurotics build castles in the sky---> KBC aspirants
..Psychotics live in them.---> FFF Participants
..Psychiatrists collect the rent.----> Airtel,Star TV

Or any better ideas? :D

GoldFinger

September 1, 2005, 02:37 PM

I was scared at first. It was very wide, and very long.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down,
and up and down on it.
I was really loving it......
Now I ride on escalators all the time. :D

GoldFinger

September 1, 2005, 02:41 PM

*******************************************
I squeezed it gently at first, then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it.
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth and moved it around
and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience the first time I tasted toothpaste.
*******************************************
It was laying limp in my hand. It was very
long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.Then it got very hard and began
gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
******************************************* :D :D

GoldFinger

September 1, 2005, 02:47 PM

I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try but I didn't know if I could do it.
I called my friend. He said he knew how to do it
and would teach me. He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.
I hate neckties.
*******************************************
It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn't sure just what I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart with my fingers to
look into it better.
I knew how great it would be if I just started eating it.
So I ate up my burger
:D

GoldFinger

September 1, 2005, 03:08 PM

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough,whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him
up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room.

Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not at the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea
why.
"AND THAT'S HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED"
:D

GoldFinger

September 2, 2005, 10:20 PM

Am I The only serious guys who keeps posting jokes...Wonder what others are upto?

Is there no capable Jok-er around? :D

baljeet2n

September 4, 2005, 07:54 PM

Question: An elephant was in love with a
> she-elephant. But the
> she-elephant went and got married to some other
> elephant. So our elephant
> was very Depressed. One of his friends felt sorry
> for him, and took him to
> a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
> see-saw, but the see-saw
> broke. Now, which song would our hero sing?
>
> Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata
> hai."
> =========================================
> Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
> love with each
> other and want to get married, but cannot. Why?
>
> Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
&! gt; illegal.
> =========================================
> Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
> for all his bad
> Deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to
> Ram for all the problems
> he had caused. So he went to Ram's house and
> knocked on the door. Ram
> opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan
> standing there. Ravan
> just
> kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.
> What was he thinking?
>
> Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
> ========================================
> Question: How do you "cut" roads?
>
> Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
> raaste".
> =========================================
> Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and
> pass by a well.
> Luv falls into the well. Why?
>
> Ans: Because Luv is blind.
> ======================================
> Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?
>
> Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!
> ============================================
> Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya
> hai?...........
> ........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?
>
> Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chan ki saans - D'Cold
> =======================================
> Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka
> naam kya hai?
> ...........
>
> ............ This one's really simple...
>
> Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu
> thi :-)
> =====================================
> A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A
> software engineer
> meets another software engineer. Both of them ask
> the same question to
> each other. What is the question?
>
> "So, which platform are you working on?"
> ===================================
> Question: What do you call a person who is leaving
> India?
>
> Ans: Hindustan Lever.
> ====================================
> Question: What do you call a person who leaves
> India, but doesn't
> Travel much?
>
> Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited.
> ======================================
> Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
> elephants were hanging
> around in the canteen.! A sexy female elephant
> passes by. What do the
> loafer elephants say about her?
>
> Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!
> ===================================
> Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha.
> Uska naam kya tha?
>
> Ans: Adidas.
> =================================
> Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
> Kumble brings a
> bottle, but takes it directly to Tendulkar. Why?
>
> Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.
> ================================
> Question: What is the similarity between
> Satynarayan pooja and the
> Indian cricket team?
>
> Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai.
> ==================================
> Question: Who is Joe?
>
> Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
> Joe!"
> ===========================================
> Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the
> movie "my heart is an
> umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
>
> Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.
> ========================================
>
> Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet
> Explorer" ka zikar
> kiya gaya hai???
>
> Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as
> Internet Explorer.
>
> If you don't know...
>
> The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.
>
> And the song goes....
>
> Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)
> Mausam ne lee angada IE
> To kis baat k! i hai lada IE
> Tu chal........ Main IE !!!
>
> =============================
> Ek Aur PJ Isse kehte hain.........
>
> Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. lecture ke baad
> use bhookh lagti
> hai. so he goes to the canteen. canteen mein gattu
> ek pav leta hai. jaise
> hi woh pav khane ke liye uthata hai to dekhta hai
> ki uski plate mein
> "jannat" likha hai.
>
> To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska
> lecture attend
> karke aa raha hai, us proffessor ka naam kya
> hai???
>
> guess
> scroll down for the answer . . . . . . . . . . .
> .. . . . . . . .
>
> The answer is
>
> Ishq Ki Chhaon.
>
> Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon" "Pav" ke neeche!
> "Jannat" hogi....
>
> Don't scratch ur head this is a song from film
> "Dil Se"
> ========================================
> One More
>
> What wud u call a Gal who never laughs....?
>
> ...and the Answer is..........
>
>
> HASINA !
>
> ==========================
>
> Once all the scientists die and go to
> heaven............ They
> decide to
> play hide-n-seek......... Unfortunately Einstein
> is the one who has
> the
> den........... He is supposed to count upto
> 100...and then start
> searching..... Everyone starts hiding except
> Newton.........Newton
> just
> draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right
> in front of
> Einstein........... Einsteins
> counting......97,98,99.....100........ He
> opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in
> front........ Einstein
> says
> "newtons out..newtons....out....." Newton denies
> and says i am not
> out........ He claims tht he is not Newton, he is
> Pascal...... All
> the
> scientists come out and he proves tht he is not
> newton..........
> how.................
>
>
> His proof:
>
> Newton says: I am standing in a square of area 1m
> square..... That
> means i
> am Newton per meter square...... Hence i am
> Pascal....since newton
> per
> meter square = Pascal, So Pascals out!!

baljeet2n

September 6, 2005, 12:08 PM

Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Banta
> Tells him that if he prays to Shivji in a temple,
> his
> prayers would surely be answered.
>
> So Santa goes to a Shiva temple. The temple had a
> large Lord Shiva
> statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins
> his hands and says his prayer.
>
> Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
> Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kripa karo."
>
> The priest sees Santa praying. He wants to help
> Santa
> but knows that a Sikh will never accept the money.
> So
> he drops a 100-rupee note,from behind the statue, so
> that Santa can not see him.
>
> After Santa had says his prayers, and opens his
> eyes.
> He sees the note
> and thinks that god has listened to his prayers. He
> takes the note and goes away.
>
> However he is back again next day for money. Now the
> priest is really annoyed with Santa.
>
> The Priest decides that he is not going to give any
> more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji
> statue
> with a smaller one of Ganapathi that day.
>
> Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he
> does not notice the difference.
> Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his
> hands
> and says his prayer.
>
> Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
> Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."
>
> After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not
> find
> any money. So he lowers his demand a bit.
>
> Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan
> ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa
> karo
> jee."
>
> Again he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any
> money. He slowly raises his head and now notices the
> small Ganapathi statue. He carefully looks left and
> then right, and then slowly moves a bit forward near
> the statue.
>
> Then he whispers to the statue: "Puttar, Papa kitthe
> hein ??!!

baljeet2n

September 6, 2005, 09:15 PM

Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out
of school for several years. He had established a
furniture store and was doing quite well. He decided
to expand the lines he carried by adding some
expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town
carried.

He scheduled a buying trip to France. Banta's first
day in Paris was very successful and he found a number
of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back
home. After the arrangements were made to begin
shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate
with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.

The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty
table. Just about the time his wine arrived, a
beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair
at his table with a questioning look on her face.

He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his
head "yes." The girl sat down with him. The girl tried
to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word
of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she
understood not one word of Punjabi. He had an idea. He
took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question
mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietly
enjoying their wine.

When it was just about finished, Banta realized it was
nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and
drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner.
She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand.
She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant.
They went in. The girl spoke with the head waiter and
they were seated in a quiet corner where they could
hear the band playing and see the dance floor. Banta
could not read the menu since it was in French, so he
allowed the girl to order for him. The food was
excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.

After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture
of a couple dancing. She nodded her head "yes" and
they danced to every song the band played, whether
fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began to
pack away their instruments,the couple returned to
their table.

The girl took a napkin and reached for Banta's pen.He
handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four
poster bed..........!

Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he
was in the furniture business

sardarni pj

September 6, 2005, 09:44 PM

Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta. hai"
Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

Four high-tech sardar inventions:
Waterproof towel
Solar powered torch
Book on how to read
Pedal powered wheel chair.

Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
To avoid side effect!!!

Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the.
Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho ko pani dal.
Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatripakdke dal na".

Man:sardarji where were you born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in
Punjab".

Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar Kasam kaho ke
Sardar :yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir
Gita pe haath....

Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha "akal badhi ya bhais "
Sardar bola "Sir pehle date of birth to batao".

Why was Sardarji writing the exam near the door
Because it was an entrance exam.

Banta's Son:Dad there is some one on the door to collect donations
for a swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
Santa: he is not studying they are studying him.

Height of stupidity : Two sardar fighting for the window seat on a
scooter.

sardarni pj

September 6, 2005, 09:48 PM

Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom,and leaves it there. Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway: He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" . " Only thing is ---- I just quit drinking"!!!!!!

kumar_prashant2005

September 17, 2005, 03:00 PM

Please Dont Post Jokes which are tooooooo Long and are not able to be read with ease.Please Post someting Small so people can uderstand otherwise it will be a bekaar thing. :o

Pramod

September 24, 2005, 10:59 AM

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving
gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead,
and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her
gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of
sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a
wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The
teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop
off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she
asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the
process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with mo! re excitement. The teacher took one more big
taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy
replied, "It's a puppy!"

Pramod

September 24, 2005, 03:25 PM

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda),

You are my TVS SCOOTY (first love) and my AIWA (pure passion). I always BPL (believe in the best)
and you are SANSUI (better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ! CALIBE! R (the unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (born tough), but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our fathers say no, we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (let's mak! e things better).

They will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatk )

:p :) :p

Big Boss

September 24, 2005, 03:47 PM

Hello Pramod. Good play with advertising taglines. Given below is a joke I heard only today.
Corruption Trial

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Pramod

September 25, 2005, 11:45 AM

Billu: I have to learn Telugu within 6 months or I'll not be able to communicate with my child.

Raman: Is it ! Why ?

Billu: I have adopted a telugu child and he will start to speak after 6 months and it is very dangerous to understand for me when he wants me or my pet.

baljeet2n

September 29, 2005, 01:09 AM

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a

job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four

people who were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table

the interviewer asked:

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,

"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that

it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I

know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.

"Hmm....let me see. A blink!

It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK

is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ... that's a

very popular clich?for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the

wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out

across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an

instant. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought

he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he

said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same

question.

It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.

"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the

bathroom.

But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had

already sh*t my pants!"

HE GOT THE JOB.................

Pramod

September 29, 2005, 06:13 PM

Beware of new virus outbreaks on computers everywhere, such as...

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by c:>

Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro organism."

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole dang thing quits.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.

Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self distructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Ollie North virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

Nike virus: Just does it.

Sears virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Imelda Marcos virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush virus: It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

LAPD. virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defence."

Oral Roberts virus: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back.

Navin

September 29, 2005, 07:44 PM

Men versus Women

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, tooth paste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

AND FINALLY...
Man has an inate ability to forget his mistakes, which is good since there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Disclaimer: I found this humorous stuff on the internet and is not necessarily my personal opinion. :cool:

Navin

September 29, 2005, 08:04 PM

CONFUSED ABOUT TELLING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS?

Use this handy Guide to differences between Terrorists and the U.S. Government by Daniel Solnit, Dissident Voice, October 9, 2001

TERRORISTS: Supposed leader is the spoiled son of a powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil family.

US GOVERNMENT: Supposed leader is the spoiled son of a powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil family.

TERRORISTS: Leader has declared a holy war ('Jihad') against his 'enemies'; believes any nation not with him is against him; believes god is on his side, and that any means are justified.

US GOVERNMENT: Leader has declared a holy war ('Crusade') against his 'enemies'; believes any nation not with him is against him; believes god is on his side, and that any means are justified.

TERRORISTS: Supported by extreme fundamentalist religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance, and persecution of non-believers.

US GOVERNMENT: Supported by extreme fundamentalist religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance, and persecution of non-believers.

TERRORISTS: Leadership was not elected by a majority of the people in a free and fair democratic election.

US GOVERNMENT: Leadership was not elected by a majority of the people in a free and fair democratic election.

TERRORISTS: Kills thousands of innocent civilians, some of them children, in cold blooded bombings.

US GOVERNMENT: Kills (tens of) thousands of innocent civilians, some of them children, in cold blooded bombings.

TERRORISTS: Operates through clandestine organization (al Qaeda) with agents in many countries; uses bombing, assassination, other terrorist tactics.

US GOVERNMENT: Operates through clandestine organization (CIA) with agents in many countries; uses bombing, assassination, other terrorist tactics.

TERRORISTS: Using war as pretext to clamp down on dissent and undermine civil liberties.

US GOVERNMENT: Using war as pretext to clamp down on dissent and undermine civil liberties.

TERRORISTS: Weapon of choice: a three-dollar box cutter.

US GOVERNMENT: Weapon of choice: a billion-dollar B1 bomber.

Disclaimer: I found this humorous stuff on the Internet. This is not necessarily my personal opinion. :cool:

Don

September 29, 2005, 10:26 PM

Congratulations Navin! Attaboy! Keep it up my dear. :D I have some jokes to tell too. They are sardarji jokes but please readers who are sardars should not mind. My apologies to them in advance. It is only for some fun so enjoy please -

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"
The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hide out was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The Pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn.Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The Pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.
His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agarmaachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the Pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chalegaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

Navin

September 30, 2005, 05:08 PM

Thanks a ton, Don!:) Your jokes were also great. Specially the Odomos one. LOL

Pramod

September 30, 2005, 05:18 PM

First One....

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Second one..

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10...9...8...7..."

Navin

September 30, 2005, 05:24 PM

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'
The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'
When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'
She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'
'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.
'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.
'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.
'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.

Pramod

October 1, 2005, 12:26 PM

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

GoldFinger

October 3, 2005, 11:28 AM

Hi .all

So, RATboy did get hold of that elusive Goddies Bag.....I am sure his clones will be happy

I do wish lots of rats and mice, cockroches to him. I will
email a donkey to him as a token of non-appreciation of his efforts.

I wanted to continue the next episode of Goodies bag which I will do soo as he has managed to hijack the Goodies bag which was on my way. Plz keep holding your horses.

when B2n and that..that...SPJ ( SPJ I am flattered..tell me!!! did you kick off those 3 moron and stupid BFs of yours. I can reply to your love-ridden proposal if you so confirm).

baljeet2n

October 9, 2005, 12:28 AM

baljeet2n

October 9, 2005, 12:30 AM

A Punjab police constable asks his son- Oye! Tere number itne ghat kyon aaye ???
Sun takes out Rs 50 note and says-Papa ye lo cahi paani aur case rafa-dafa karo

Pramod

October 9, 2005, 12:20 PM

Santa wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Santa says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Santa, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Santa continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Santa, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Banta."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."

sardarni pj

October 9, 2005, 06:46 PM

baljeet2n

October 9, 2005, 08:53 PM

Misfortune

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Pramod

October 10, 2005, 12:07 PM

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains!
Pull yourself together, man!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell.
Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.

Sigmund Freud by Deddi Shy Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
Who said that?!

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
What do you mean by that?

Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
Next!

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.

Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things.
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.

Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm...

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.
And how long have you had this complaint?
Who wants to know?

Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!
And how long have you had this complaint?
What complaint?

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!
No problem. Hop up on the couch.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.
You do look a little pail.

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute please.

Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
Don't answer!

GoldFinger

October 10, 2005, 07:12 PM

Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???

Think......

Think..

Bit more.......

Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means chen..nai...

one more.........

What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think

think

think

think

tired of thinking???

Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"

thoda aur chalega :D

Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"

...

....

.....

okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"

bas bas ek aur plzzzzzzzzz

ok whats the opp of venky's..

?

???

????????

venlocks...hahahahahahahahah
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)

All original replies

Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai??

Coz Madras got raided by chanawallah

WHY Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip ?

Coz she(guess) ate the zip too

Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut?

Pichche hut!!

sardarni pj

October 11, 2005, 04:04 PM

I MUST SAY THAT GOLDFINGER DOESN'T HAVE ANY SENSE OF HUMOUR LEFT IN HIMSELF..........U R TRYING TO POKE UR NOSE WITHOUT MAKING NE SENSE ..........AS FAR AS UR REASONS FOR THE Qs R CONCERNED .....THEY R JUST PATHETIC..........INSTEAD OF COMMENTING ON OTHER'S JOKES, TRY TO POST IN UR ORIGINAL JOKES WHICH U FIND R GUD ENUF FOR OTHERS TO COMMENT .......JUST LIKE U DO..........I HOPE U R GAME TO LISTEN TO SUCH COMMENTS

MIND IT.........ONE SHUD COMMENT ON OTHERS ONLY WEN HE HIMSELF HAS THE SPIRIT TO TAKE THEM........NOT IN A MOOD TO SAY MORE THAN THIS............SO BYE

All original replies

Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai??

Coz Madras got raided by chanawallah

WHY Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip ?

Coz she(guess) ate the zip too

Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut?

Pichche hut!!

Pramod

October 11, 2005, 04:31 PM

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no para****es with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes.
First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a para****e and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a para****e and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out.
Unfortunately, they did not do well as a para****e and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you".
Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.

baljeet2n

October 12, 2005, 12:39 AM

>wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa !!!!
>
>Har samundar mein saahil nahin hota
>Har jahaaz mein missile nahin hota
>Agar Dhirubhai ka sapna nahin hota
>To har %$$$ ke paas mobile nahin hota
>
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw !!!!
>
>Khud ko kar buland itnaa..
>Ke' Himaalay ki choti pe jaa
>pahunche..
>aur khuda tumse puche..
>'Abe gadhe... ab utrega kaise '
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw !!!
>
>jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi
>jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi
>dil ne kaha khud kushi(sucide) kar le jalim
>bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi
>
>wawawawawawawawawwawawawawawawawa !!!
>
>Ghar ghar main diya jale
>To diwali mat samjho
>Agar main tera peeche paroon
>To mawali mat samjho
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawaawawaawa !!!
>
>Unki zulfoon pe pyaar aaya
>Paas ja kar dekha tu sardar paya
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa !!!
>
>Patharr kyun marte ho, pura pahaad maar do
>Hum yuheeen mar jayenge, sirf ek baar aankh maar do
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawwaawwaaw !!!
>
>Tere ishq main janam kya se kya haal ho gaya
>Badan se badboo aa rahee hai, nahaaye jamana ho gaya
>
>wawawawawawawawawawawawwaawwaaw !!!
>
>Yeh tera chehra hai yaa kele ka chhilka
>Jo dekha to dil phisal gaya
>wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa !!!

sardarni pj

October 12, 2005, 01:47 PM

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit
on the
horse
?
He is given his last chance to run away.

Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a

fool............

I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............

i got a HEART ATTACK

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in
ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ........pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change
it to
exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !

The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in
love

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26
sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the
class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

satyani

October 14, 2005, 05:24 PM

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. (born and brought
up in Andhra with strong Telugu sentiments)
The conversation went ahead as under
Telugu Guy:
"Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond"
Continuing in his inimitable style, " ....James Bond."
Then Bond asks:
"And you?"
Telugu Guy: " My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva
Rao..."

Since then whenever anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"

satyani

October 14, 2005, 05:28 PM

An Elephant meets an Ant!!
On Introduction:

Ant : Haathi tumhari umar kitni hai?

Elephant: Paanch Saal !!!

Ant : Paanch Saal aur itnay bade !!!

Elephant: I AM A COMPLAN BOY .

Elephant: Cheenti tumhari umar kitni hai ?

Ant: Tees Saal.

Elephant: Tees Saal aur itni chhoti.

Ant: Haan .... I AM A SANTOOR GIRL.... MERI TWACHA SEY MERI UMAR KA PATA HI NAHI CHALTA !

GoldFinger

October 14, 2005, 07:54 PM

I MUST SAY THAT GOLDFINGER DOESN'T HAVE ANY SENSE OF HUMOUR LEFT IN HIMSELF..........U R TRYING TO POKE UR NOSE WITHOUT MAKING NE SENSE ..........AS FAR AS UR REASONS FOR THE Qs R CONCERNED .....THEY R JUST PATHETIC..........INSTEAD OF COMMENTING ON OTHER'S JOKES, TRY TO POST IN UR ORIGINAL JOKES WHICH U FIND R GUD ENUF FOR OTHERS TO COMMENT .......JUST LIKE U DO..........I HOPE U R GAME TO LISTEN TO SUCH COMMENTS

MIND IT.........ONE SHUD COMMENT ON OTHERS ONLY WEN HE HIMSELF HAS THE SPIRIT TO TAKE THEM........NOT IN A MOOD TO SAY MORE THAN THIS............SO BYE

I don't care anyone what says....decerning and intelligent guys and dolly birds get the message and silently clap.....while the envious cry foul.

I don't like things like cut and paste jokes.....just to sound that you r a humourous character ..I like originality.....copy jokes and paste here ...wow...pathetic...all my post etc are original...

I don't care anyone reads rhem or not as post them for my pleasure and I read and read my own creations....wow such gr8 creations.....and like a true artist I retouch them edit them

GoldFinger

October 14, 2005, 10:31 PM