Who Do Laugh At Sardar?

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Santa invites the sham Lal to his office for the tea .Sham Lal ask a question to the

Santa, what is the reason behind your success? He says that, it is due to the
intelligent people around me .



Sham lal asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Santa Singh.
"Allow me to demonstrate."


Bush watches as Santa phones Banta Singh and says,
"Mr. Singh, please answer this question: your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or
sister.


Who is it?"
Banta immediately responds, "It's me!"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, “says Santa He hangs up and says,
"Did you get that?"



Sham Lal nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Sham Lal, upon returning to his office decided to ask the same question to Rham Lal

“Rham lal ,Santa Singh had asked a question… I wonder if you can answer that question”



"Why, of course,. What's in your mind?"



Sham lal poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your
father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rham Lal was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get
back to you?". Rham Lal immediately calls to all his family member at home,

and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can

come up with an answer.



Finally, in desperation, Rham Lal think twice and thought to ask the same question to Banta


"Mr. Banta, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Banta answers
immediately, "It's me, of course."

Rham Lal Calls back Sham Lal , and exclaims, "I know the answer, I know who it is!
It's our Banta Singh!"

And Rham Lal Replies….” Yes….. You are correct …. Its our Banta singh”



“ But why I am not successful like Santa singh”

Baahman and Sardar go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

At 12'O Clock , the Sardar wakes the Baahman. "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


The Baahman replies, "Kya Sardar jee I see millions of stars,"

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The Baahman ponders for a minute:

Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are A millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately fifteen past mid-night.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

Sardar is silent for a moment, and then speaks....

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent....also some lost the brain at noon but some has nothing to loose".





IN INDIA if lady is pregnant

by 1man > child's surname is SINGLA,
IF by 2man >DUBEJI,
IF by 3man >TRIVEDI JI,
IF by 4man >CHATURVEDI,
IF BY 5man >PANDey jii,
IF BY UNKNOWN PERSON>GUPTA JI





Phd. By Baahman


A Baahman wanted to do PhD for which he had to submit a Research paper.

Baahman pondered for a long while to select the topic of the research paper, suddenly a cockroach went past him. And this was enuf to convince him that he must research on this wonderful insect "THE COCKROACH".

Baahman caught a innocent COCKROACH and started writing something in his Research Paper. Then, he broke one of the legs of the cockroach and Shouted Run Cockroach, run............

And the cockroach ran for its life... During this time sardarji wrote something in his REsearch Paper. The Baahman caught it again and broke another leg and Repeated his cry... And similarly the INNOCENT cockroach ran for its life...

This process continued till Sardarji broke its penultimate leg. When Baahman broke its ultimate leg, He cried Run Cockroach Run.... But ,as we all know this time COCKROACH cudn't run...

Baahman wrote something and finished his Research Paper.And submitted that...

Wud u like to know wat he wrote...

Here it is exclusively for u....

RESEARCH ON THE AUDIBILITY OF THE COCKROACH

COCKROACH and its reactions:

On breaking leg 1-7: IT CAN HEAR
On breaking leg 8: IT BECOMES DEAF





One great day in US, a couple from india were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one pandu in front of a hospital was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?" Pandu replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple as per schedule, took the Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same pandu, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.

So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?" Pandu once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but pandit ji yesterday you were in US filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?

Pandu coolely replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"






Once in Banaras one funeral procession of a pandu was taking place with lot of celebrations. When an outsider asked one of the dancing pandu in the procession he answered him that this is the first time in our state Pandit ji is dead due to BRAIN TUMOR!!!



Bahman Rham Lal is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, emoves a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. " I finished the exam in half an hour". he says, " I am rechecking my answers”





TEACHER & BAAHMAN JI...hahaha

Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.

Baahman ji:No mam! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Baahman ji:My mother will not allow me to go so far..also he is our god!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: How old is your father.

Baahman ji:As old as I am.

Teacher:How is it possible?

Baahman ji:He became father only after I was born.

________________________________

Teacher: (1)There is a frog,(2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,what is my age?

Baahman ji:32 yrs.

Teacher:How do you know?

Baahman ji:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
________________________________

Teacher: Where does God live?

Baahman ji: I think he lives in our bathroom.

Teacher: Why do you say that?

Baahman ji: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,are you still in there?'

________________________________

Teacher:"What is your name?".


Baahman ji:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."

Baahman ji:"My name is Sunlight.





A tailor ran away with people's clothes. Some complained about their pant piece, shirt piece, suit piece etc.,,, but anxious Baahman : ****iya sala humara naap le gaya!!!







SHOCKING TELEGRAMS OF THE BAAHMAN FAMILY

TELEGRAM #1 (BAAHMAN GIRL)

A GIRL sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :

"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

*********************

TELEGRAM #2 (BAAHMAN)

A Baahman, while he is on a business trip to a hill
station sends a telegram to his wife :

"I wish you were here." The message received by wife:

"I wish you were her."

*************************************
TELEGRAM #3 (BAAHMAN WIFE)

A Baahmani with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway
station to return to her husband. At the reservation co! unter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next
to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave
birth to an old lady."

************************************
TELEGRAM # 4 (BAAHMAN SREVANT)

A Baahman from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her
parent's house in Delhi. When the Baahman went to Ajmer, he asked his
servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written:
'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).



Who is Baah-Man?

Baah-man is new indian hero with the power equivalent to the tweleve (barah) humans.

Born?

The intercourse of a woman with twelve (barah) human (beard man like Sadhus) on twelve days at twelve noon give birth to the Baah-man after twelve months (unexpectional case or special case).

How the name is derived?

Tweleve (Barah) Human = barah + man = Baah-Man ( 'R' silent)

Characteristics:

Always found saying my father go mad at 12 noon and insult my mom....
Always make joke on his father....

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Baah-Man the Cook

Once Baah-Man was a cook at DAV Mathura college. Once he was heard saying this in a kitchen: "No, No I don't need chair; I can stand eating"
"It's so hot! Please on the fan no," he would say to the other assistants when cooking.
"Pliss, close the fan!" he would say when he wanted the fan to be turned off



Baah-Man's English

Baah-Man's English was likewise famous.

"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of your body"
" Why are you naat filupping the blanks? "
" Don't talk like that in front of my back "
" Dont stand in front of my back"
"Mistake became wrong!"
" Both of u three, don't under-stand the tree "!!
"Both of you kneel down together separately"
"Why aren't you kneel downing?"



Baah-Man in ARMY

Mr.S.K.Baah-Man was a very agressive Indian Army officer in Mathura. The remarkable thing about his English was that it was always a direct translation of its Hindi counterpart. Here are some gems from his life.

"Hit the brother in law! *Maro saale ko*!" he would shout when beating a subordinate.

"Strengthen your nose! *Naak mein dum karo*!"

After a famous battle-game, he lamented, "My honour has been mixed in mud *Izzat ko mitti me mila gaya*."
When he was very angry at a lazy soldier, he said, " Cuckoo, Blaady!" (Kick you, bloody...)

Once, when abusing an officer, he said, "Who have you blackened your face with? *Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya?*"

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

BAAH-MAN ( 14 saal badh himalaya toh vapis andha hai): Bhagwan jadho main himalaya vich see tu ghar ki kita??



BAAH-MANI: main koi anpad haan ,tuhanu kya lagdha hai main kuch nahi kita... main do bachee paida kitee naaa



BAAH-MAN: @#%&^%#^&%&

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Barish ka ek Din



BARISH de din car ch JATT BAAH-MAN lift deta hai

JATT: yaar car ch chattri (umbrella) band karhdhee

BAAH-MAN: safety paaaji, yeh tuhadhi car leak ho gayee too

JATT: jee tuhadhee chattri (umbrella) vhee leak kar javhee too

BAAH-MAN: kya paaji rain coat kiss layee paya hoyaa

JATT:@#%^#^

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Baah-MAN

1.
Tall Talkers
Q: `What do you call a Baah-MAN who talks a lot, often without sense?'
A: `Mr. Chatterjee'

2.
Baah-MAN Cave-Men
Q: `Name a Baah-MAN cave-man ?'
A: `Suraj Guha'

3.
Baah-MAN Gangsters
Q: `Name a Baah-MAN gangster ?'
A: `Robin Ganguli'

4.
Outlawed Pandtijee
Q: `What do you call an outlawed Baah-MAN ?'
A: `Banduk Bannerjee'

5.
Marathis and Burping Baah-MANs
Q: `What does a Ghati call a burping Baah-MAN ?'
A: `Mukhopadhaya'

6.
Baah-MANs and Semen
Q: `What is common between Pandus and sperms'
A: `Only one in a million works'

7.
Panditji's Coin Stack
Q: `What did the Pandu stack up one-cent coins the day before exams ?'
A: `He wanted to get cent-per-cent'

8.
Ghati Panditji
Q: `What do you call a Maharashtra Baah-MAN?'
A: `Ghatpande Guruji'

9.
Baah-MAN Millionaire
Q: `What do you call a Baah-MAN millionaire?'
A: `MillionIyer'

10.
Panditji in Rome
Q: `Why did Panditji go to Rome?'
A: `To hear Pope Music'

11.
Pandus and Light-Bulbs
Q: `How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a light-bulb ?'
A: `An Infinite number. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers' union (Secularist-Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (Hindutvadin), 1 to be the light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light Bulb corporation, 30 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 100 to go to USA and Europe to import product surveys on purchasing light-bulbs, three to form the judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandals... and so on ...

12.
Changing Tube Lights
Q: `How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a tube light?'
A: `Has not yet been determined. They are still searching for a Vedic reference to tube light.'

13.
Invention of the Wire
Q: `How was the wire invented?'
A: `Two Baah-MANs found the same coin'

14.
Pandu Nostrils
Q: `Why are a Baah-MAN's nostrils big?'
A: `Because the air is free'

15.
Baah-MAN Maidens
Q: `How long does a Baah-MANi remain a virgin?'
A: `As long as she runs faster than her father and brother!'

16.
Baah-MAN Bath-Tubs
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs have barbed wire around their bath-tubs?'
A: `So that they don't drift to sea'

17.
Window-Exits
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs start climbing through the window when December arrives?'
A: `Because New Year is on the door-step!'

18.
`Refridgerator Nahi!'
Q: `Why do many Baah-MANs refuse to buy fridges ?'
A: `Because they refuse to believe that the light goes off when they shut the door'

19.
`Long Hands'
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs have such long hands?'
A: `So that they can, while kissing the cow, also touch the udders!'

20.
Ebb
Q: `What does a Baah-MAN do during low tide?'
A: `He sells beach land to the Gujjus!'

21.
Calcutta Pandits
Q: `What is the place called where two Baah-MANs sat down together in Calcutta ?'
A: `Dum-dum'

22.
Foundation of Kannauj
Q: `How was Kannauj founded?'
A: `When Ashoka stopped by to have his horses grazed, he left behind those who were infected with foot and venereal diseases.'

23.
Garden Door
Q: `Why did the Pandu leave the door open?'
A: So that his flowers get fresh air.

24.
Burglar
Q: `How does one know if a Baah-MAN burgled the house?'
A: `The garbage cans are all eaten empty, and the dog is pregnant!'

25.
Bucket of Hot Water
Q: `What do Baah-MANs do when they have a bucket of hot water left over?'
A: `They freeze it, because hot water can always be used later.'

26.
Confused Pandu
Q: `How to confuse a Pandu?'
A: `Put him in a round room and tell him to search for the corner.'

27.
Really Confused Pandu
Q: `How to eally confuse a Pandu (Baah-MAN)?'
A: `Take a piece of paper and write on both sides, `Turn Over'.'

28.
Returned from Airport
Q: `Why did the Baah-MAN return home from the airport before going in?'
A: `Because he saw a sign saying "Airport Left", so he turned around and went home!'

29.
Ten Pandus Ear to Ear
Q: `What do you call 10 Pandus standing ear to ear?'
A: `A wind tunnel'

30.
Flat Back of Skull
Q: `Why are the backsides of Pandu skulls so flat?'
A: `Because the toilet-cover keeps on falling on the back of their heads when they drink water.'

31.
Long Ladders
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs take long ladders when shopping?'
A: `Because the prices are so high.'

32.
Reaching Kannauj
Q: `How does one know one has reached Kannauj ?'
A: `The cows become more beautiful than the girls.'

33.
Nose-Cleaning: Tamil Proverb
Q: `How does a Pandu clean his nose?'
A: `By putting his hand around his the back of his head and then grabbing it from the other side.'

34.
Cobras and Pandus: Dalit Proverb
Q: `When you meet a Cobra and a Baah-MAN, who do you hit first?'
A; `The Pandu, because Pandus are more poisonous than Cobras!'

35.
Police stripes
Q: `What is the meaning of the police stripes of a Baah-MAN police officer?'
A; `One stripe: He can read. Two stripes, he can read and write. Three stripes: He knows somebody who can read and write.'

36.
Using the Fields
Q: `Why do Pandus prefer to use the fields instead of actual toilets?'
A: `So that nobody can peep at them through the key-hole!'

37.
Sinking Pandu Submarine
Q: `How to sink a submarine manned by Baah-MANs?'
A: `Dive down, and knock on the door. Somebody will open up.'

38.
Baah-MANs on TV Towers
Q: `Why are Baah-MANs not allowed on the Madras TV tower?'
A; `Because they always tried to feed the helicopters.'

39.
Baah-MAN Measuring Tape
Q: `Why do Pandus take a measuring-tape into the bed?'
A: `So that they can measure how deep was their sleep.'

40.
Stones and Matchboxes
Q: `Why do Pandus take a stone and a matchbox to bed.'
A: `With the stone, they smash the lightbulb to turn off the light and they then use the match-stick to check if the light has really gone off.'

41.
Origin of Tides
Q: `What is the origin of low tide and high tide?'
A: `When a group of Pandus came, the water was so scared it pulled itself back. Now it comes twice per day, to see if they are still there.'

42.
Happy Birthday Cakes
Q: `Why was the Baah-MAN baker reprimanded by his boss for wanting to write `Happy Birthday' on a birtday cake?'
A: `Because he tried to get the cake into a typing machine.'

43.
Snakes
Q: `What do Baah-MANs do when they see a snake?'
A: `They stand behind it.'

44.
Killing Flies
Q: `How do Baah-MANs kill flies?'
A: `They carry the flies to the roof and then pull the ladder away.'

45.
Lightning Windows
Q: `Why do Baah-MANs stand at the window when there is thunder and lightning?'
A: `They think they are being photographed.'

46.
Narmada Valley

Q: "How did the Narmada Valley form ?"
A: "Someone dropped a coin and a Brahman went digging for it."

47.
Best Ten Years
Q: `What are the best ten years of an Baah-MAN's life?'
A: `Third grade.'

48.
Sparkling Eyes
Q: `How do you get a Pandu's eyes to sparkle?'
A: Shine a flashlight in his ears.

49.
Laughing Pandu
Q: `How do make a Pandu laugh on Saturday?'
A: `Tell him a joke on Wednesday.'

50.
Baah-MAN Intelligence
Q: `How do you measure a Baah-MAN's intelligence?'
A: `Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.'

51.
Zealand Baah-MANs
Q: `What do you call a New Zealand Baah-MAN?
A: A ZE-BRA!

52.
Revolving Door
Q: Why did the Baah-MAN go around in a revolving door for six hours?
A; Because he couldn't remember whether he was going in or coming out!

53.
Sparkling Eyes
Q: `Why are Baah-MANs like Coke bottles?'
A: `They are both empty from the neck up.'

54.
Kannauj Census
Q:"How do they take the census in Kannauj ?"
A:"They roll a rupee coin down the street."

55.
Filling Phonebooths
How do you get 1000 Baah-MANs in a phonebooth ?
Throw in a ruppee coin.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them it's a Mughal's phonebooth.

56.
Goa Beach
Q: "Why is Goa beach the most popular beach for Baah-MANs ?"
A: "Because it was built over a gold mine!!!"

57.
Overcoming Cold Weather
Q: "What do Baah-MANs do when they are cold ?"
A: "They sit around a candle!!"
Q: "What do they do when they are really cold ??"
A: "They light it!!"

58.
Pandu Tarzan
Q: "If Tarzan and Jane were Baah-MAN what would cheeta be ? "
A: " A fur coat "

59.
Climbing Fences
Q: "Why did the Pandu climb the fence?"
A: "To see what was on the other side!"

60.
Shut-down of Mathura Library
Q: "Did you hear about the shutdown of Mathura Library ?'
A: "Somebody stole the book."

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2
eyes but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
****************************

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************

Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of
success. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He then created me.
*****************************

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
***********************

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan
milta hai.
****************************

Sham Lal: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Rham Lal: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Sham Lal: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
chhupa
de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Baahman: liquid state.
*************************

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
fire?
Baahman: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************

Baahman starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with
this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Baahman: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
***********************

Baahman 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Baahman : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************

Two Baahmans were walking together.
1st Baahman: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Baahman: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
**************************

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
***************************

Baahman: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Baahman: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.

***************************
Teacher to Baahman " Where were U born?

Baahman : In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?
Baahman : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

================================================== ==============

Sham Lal : People consider me as a "GOD"

Rham Lal : How do you know??

Sham Lal : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U

have came again..

================================================== ==============

Baahman complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV
in
my house.

Police : How the
thief did not take TV???
Baahman : I was watching TV na....
================================================== ==============

Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger

sis
and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

================================================== ==============

When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

================================================== ==============

Whats the height of Intelligence?

Answer : A 99 year old Baahman going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

Parnam Bolte hai

This letter is from Sham Lal from Banaras. We have
bought a computer for our home and we find some
problems which I want to bring to your notice.

1)
After connecting to internet we plan to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in password column only ****** comes, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed comes. We checked with hardware vendor rham lal and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. I request you to check this as ourselves we do not know what is the password.


2)
There is a button `start` but there is no stop button.
We request you to check this. We find there is `Run` in the menu. One of my friend clicked `run` and has ran upto lucknow. So, we request you to change that to sit so that we can click that by sitting.


3) One doubt is that any `re-scooter` available in system? As I find only `re-cycle`, but I own a scooter at my home. Also there is `find` button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the her husband and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this `find`, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??


Thanks,
Sham LAL Kanshi wale

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Baahman: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Baahman: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Baahman: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..

A Baahman invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?. . . . . . . . . . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10
sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Baahman stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Baahman had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Baahman named them TIRED&RETIRED!

A Baahman ji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a
funeralfunction, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into
future tense.
Baahman: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

Baahman gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree,
sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Baahman:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

Baahmanji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be
light"

Baahman & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I
Baahman ,SHE BaahmanEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

One Baahmanji professor asked a plumber to come to his
college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...

A dog was chasing a Baahman and the Baahman was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Baahman: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is
following me.

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Baahman:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....

What does a Baahman do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling
mistakes.

Baahman proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to
you'
Baahman said 'e No Problem bhena,I'll marry you NEXT
YEAR.

WHY CANT BaahmanS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

Baahman & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Baahman says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Baahman says coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

A Baahman & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge
asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Baahman replied: Ok!
We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Baahman's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who
died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all d passengers
in d car he was driving..

Baahman at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking
thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Baahman was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Baahman: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very
fast.

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab.
Local Baahmans have so far found 500 bodies and are
still digging for more..

A man asked Baahmanji, why atal bihari vajaypee goes walking at
evening not in the morning.
Baahmanji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Baahman visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Chinese Man says "CHIN YU OXYGEN YAN CHAN" and dies.
Baahman goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Baahmanji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

once a Bahmaan and his wife were having sex
but they did not have a condom
so the bahman thought of a idea and used a hankerchief in place of the condom
after having done they realised that the hankerchief was left inside the bahmani
the bahman said "kahee fikar kare hoo, beetva dothi phen kar avhee gaa" ("dont worry... our child will come out weraing a dhooti")

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

One great day in US, a couple from india were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one pandu in front of a hospital was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?" Pandu replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple as per schedule, took the Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same pandu, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.

So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?" Pandu once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but pandit ji yesterday you were in US filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?

Pandu coolely replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Once in Banaras one funeral procession of a pandu was taking place with lot of celebrations. When an outsider asked one of the dancing pandu in the procession he answered him that this is the first time in our state Pandit ji is dead due to BRAIN TUMOR!!!

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

A tailor ran away with people's clothes. Some complained about their pant piece, shirt piece, suit piece etc.,,, but anxious Baahman : ****iya sala humara naap le gaya!!!

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

Bahman Rham Lal is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, emoves a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers

[PUNJAB_PUTAR]

1
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Baahman stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2
Baahman-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Baahman-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

3
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Baahman: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4
Baahmanji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5
Baahman told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant it’s already raining.
Baahman: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

6
Baahman wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Baahman: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs
back.


7
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Baahman:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

8
Baahman's wish :when i die,i wana die like my gr andpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the car he was driving..

9
Baahman at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10
Baahman was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Baahman: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

11
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in banaras . Local
Baahmans have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

12
A man asked Baahmanji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Baahmanji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

14
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

15
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

16
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"




17
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

18
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

19
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

20
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

21
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.




22
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

23
Three patients in a me ntal institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

24
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

25
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26
What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician

27
Baahman comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

28
How do you recognize a Baahman in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

29
once a baahman was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


30
Baahmanji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "


When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)

31
The Baahmanji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane ke liyee chaar gear banaate hain, ) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!




32
Sham Lal decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

'But I think I kno w where I'm going wrong,' said Sham, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'




33
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.




34
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U Continue to do so.


35
Baahman to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Baahman: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.




36
.How can a Baahman Kill a Lion ? Baahmanji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.


37
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.




38
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.




39
Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???


40
Baahman: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.


41
Baahman : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies Yaar...!!!




42
Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!



43
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


44
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born


45
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.




46
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.


47
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions


48
Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."




49
Sham Lal : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Sham Lal : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...



50
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense