PUNJAB_PUTAR
October 3, 2006, 01:49 PM
Why did Sham Lal throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
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What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
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Sita: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Sham Lal: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
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Sham Lal: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Rham Lal Oh! That’s terrible.
Sham Lal: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
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Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
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Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
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Rham Lal Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Sham Lal: It beats, beats, beats.
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Once Professor Sham Lal asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
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Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Rham Lal is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
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Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
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Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Rham Lal "Why don't you use a mouth wash
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
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Sham Lal walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Sham Lal whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Sham Lal: Life imprisonment!
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Sham Lal found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
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Petrol ke rate badhne par Sham Lal bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Sham Lal: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha Sham Lal 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Sham Lal: patta hai tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
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Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu keha tha, Likha kyu nahi ?
Sham Lal: Ki karda master g, jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia woh baagh geya!!!
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Sham Lal was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Sham Lal: I think I'll take the money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did Sham Lal take his pregnant wife sita to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
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How do you recognize Sham Lal's son, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
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A lady asked Sham Lal: LIPTON di chah hai?
Sham Lal replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat jao...
102)
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Sham Lal: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Rham Lal Me too, after u leave.
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Sham Lal: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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Rham Lal ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun Rham Lal?
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GITA: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Rham Lal :Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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Sham Lal: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Rham Lal What’s he studying?"
Sham Lal: He's not studying, they are studying him!
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Rham Lal Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Sham Lal: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
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Sham Lal standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Rham Lal Sham Lal u'll die.
Sham Lal: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
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Nurse: Congrats Sham Lal ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Sham Lal: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Don’t rush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
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What’s missing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you’ll get a heart! If u pick U, you’ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
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To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long!
Sham Lal phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
History teacher asked Sham Lal: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Sham Lal: Adidas
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Sham Lal: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal's shayari in punjabi : Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh nahi sakda, main tere bina hun reh nahi sakda.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sita: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Sham Lal: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Rham Lal Oh! That’s terrible.
Sham Lal: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rham Lal Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Sham Lal: It beats, beats, beats.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Professor Sham Lal asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Rham Lal is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Rham Lal "Why don't you use a mouth wash
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Sham Lal whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Sham Lal: Life imprisonment!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Petrol ke rate badhne par Sham Lal bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Sham Lal: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha Sham Lal 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Sham Lal: patta hai tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu keha tha, Likha kyu nahi ?
Sham Lal: Ki karda master g, jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia woh baagh geya!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Sham Lal: I think I'll take the money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did Sham Lal take his pregnant wife sita to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you recognize Sham Lal's son, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady asked Sham Lal: LIPTON di chah hai?
Sham Lal replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat jao...
102)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Rham Lal Me too, after u leave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Sham Lal: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rham Lal ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun Rham Lal?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GITA: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Rham Lal :Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Rham Lal What’s he studying?"
Sham Lal: He's not studying, they are studying him!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rham Lal Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Sham Lal: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Rham Lal Sham Lal u'll die.
Sham Lal: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nurse: Congrats Sham Lal ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Sham Lal: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Don’t rush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What’s missing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you’ll get a heart! If u pick U, you’ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long!
Sham Lal phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
History teacher asked Sham Lal: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Sham Lal: Adidas
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Sham Lal: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal's shayari in punjabi : Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh nahi sakda, main tere bina hun reh nahi sakda.
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